Health, Employers and Benefits.

[ElevenandTwelve]

I wasn't sure where else to post but looking for some advice.

I have MH issues. Have always had them and struggled through. This year, however, I haven't been able too. At the end of February I started a new job. Ten hours a week. I was then furloughed part way through March and returned at the end of May.

During Lockdown I had a few health scares and then at the beggining of August I had a miscarriage. All of this accumulated in me being unable to continue with my MH problems and I had a breakdown. I finally sought help from my GP. Was prescribed medication, referred for CBT and signed off for 6 weeks. I returned to work toward the end of September. I was back three weeks and then realised I still wasn't coping, a previous MH problem also returned and I spoke to my GP again and have been signed off until the second week of November.

I applied for ESA but I'm still waiting to hear back. I'm quite scared about this, having never applied for anything before so it's a new thing for me.

I've had a letter from my employers today saying that my attendance has been deemed unsatisfactory by the company. They reiterated in the letter that it wasn't a formal warning or a disciplinary but it would remain on file and they'd like to meet to discuss my health issues, etc.

This has now made me feel even worse. I just don't know what to do about anything anymore. I feel like such a failure and I'm so worried about everything. It's all such a mess. Not really sure what I'm after here. Just wanted to get it out.

If anyone has any advice about any of the above, I'd be grateful.

It's not necessarily bad - they might want to work out how best to support you, but they can't do that without discussing it with you.

If you're in a union, then ask for their advice.

You cannot expect them to turn a blind eye. So that they have said it is a file note not a warning or disciplinary and they want to discuss seems very reasonable.

@Florencex

You cannot expect them to turn a blind eye. So that they have said it is a file note not a warning or disciplinary and they want to discuss seems very reasonable.

This. They want to work with you, not against you, so they want to discuss to know more about the situation and how they can help.

I'm not in a union.

I didn't say my employers were being unreasonable at all. I find them to be very decent and by all accounts good employers. I understand why they've sent the letter. But my life is turning to shit and it's a constant worry and I just don't know what to do about anything anymore. About all of it. And I genuinely can't see that there's anything they can do to support me anyway.

@ElevenandTwelve

I'm not in a union.

I didn't say my employers were being unreasonable at all. I find them to be very decent and by all accounts good employers. I understand why they've sent the letter. But my life is turning to shit and it's a constant worry and I just don't know what to do about anything anymore. About all of it. And I genuinely can't see that there's anything they can do to support me anyway.

I know that you didn’t say they were unreasonable. But it obviously disturbed you and my response was more to confirm that as good employers, they really had to say something to you and sounds like they want to see what they can do to help. A positive thing happened to you today, take heart.

I understand how you feel, it's really stressful isn't it .

Contrary to popular belief, it's actually not really good for anyone, employer or employee to let long term sickness go on and on with nothing being said about how/when the employee could return to work, and of course there comes a point where even a very reasonable and supportive employer can't keep a person's job open indefinitely - and I can say from bitter experience it's a really really bad thing if the first conversation with the employee comes at that point where effectively it's a binary 'come back, resign or we dismiss you' rather than at an early stage where there is still flexibility and room for discussion and the right support put in place to actually make it a positive outcome.

That being said, I do think too many employers, managers and HR departments are (to an extent, rightly) concerned about being seen to do things 'by the book' and not leave themselves open to any kind of discrimination claim, and that can lead to an approach based on rigid template-based formal communications and everything going through HR, which can make it seem much more like an adversarial or 'punishment' process than it would be if the manager and member of staff just had a friendly supportive conversation at a pace/time the employee feels comfortable with, which is all the law really requires/expects at least as a first step.

I hope your employer is really going to go with the latter and the letter is just a standard 'box' to be ticked - it sounds like it, as they say it's supportive and not a formal warning at this stage. Do try if you can to approach things with an open mind. Do be assertive about the terms of the conversation - if you feel more comfortable on the phone/Skype than in person (or vice versa) that should be accommodated and it should be held at a time you feel comfortable with. You should be allowed someone to sit with you and support you through the meeting - ideally a work colleague or TU rep but if not they may allow a friend or family member if you ask nicely and ensure the person doesn't speak on your behalf but just supports you or takes notes etc. Do think before the meeting of what if anything they can do to support you, even if it's just checking in regularly/filling you in on work news/leaving you in peace for the time being - hopefully you'll feel more positive if it you can see it as a mutual effort with your recovery as the most important thing and work as something which can ultimately help in this, rather than an extra thing to stress about?

I just feel so lost and like I have no idea what's going to happen to me long term or where this all leads.

I work in HR and we would send out letters like that to people on sick leave.It is usually just a welfare check .
Just be honest with your employer. They might insist you see the company doctor and you should.

@ElevenandTwelve

I just feel so lost and like I have no idea what's going to happen to me long term or where this all leads.

Courage, OP, it will be OK. You know how when you are feeling really badly depressed, just getting out of bed/showering/taking your dirty water glass to the sink feels like an unbearably colossal effort and you can't imagine ever getting back to normal energy levels? And then one day you are able to do one of those small tasks, and yes, you're still unwell, things aren't magically better overnight and you aren't yet back out running marathons/saving the world/keeping the whole house spick and span, but that doesn't mean it's not a really big achievement as a first tiny step on the road to getting back to something approaching normality. Talking to work can be a bit like that, yes the thought of going back at all may seem really enormous and overwhelming right now, but being able just to talk to your manager on the phone briefly can be that first small step. I'd try to focus on that rather than trying to see the whole big picture of what's going to happen with your job long-term. If you can, just get through having the conversation first, and if that goes well you can think (or let them suggest) what the next step might be, maybe it's just having another chat/meeting in a few weeks, or talking to Occupational Health or thinking of some support mechanisms, but if that feels too much right now then don't worry, just focus on the first step. You've got this