Wedding Elopement

[Marmozet]

My fiancé and I both want a small wedding. We're looking at an elopement package where you have up to 4 guests and thinking of inviting our parents. It's an adorable deal and suits our needs, however I feel like we're going to meet the wrath of others for not being invited. It's a concern of mine as I'm worried about telling people our potential plans and how they will react. Obviously the day is about us, but I really feel like people get themselves involved when it comes to a wedding. I guess Covid is a good excuse now for small numbers. Am I being unreasonable to myself and partner for feeling this way?

Anyone else done anything similar and what was the response?

We did it with no guest at all. What can people really do if you come back married? A few people grumbled but it was our wedding and we came back married it was a done deal.

Oh and we didn’t do a ‘part afterwards’ as it’s just not us, we had a family meal instead.

Elope. Most people dread attending weddings. If someone is grumbling at you eloping, they'd be grumbling at about the beef or salmon option on the day. Also Covid....your excuse is splashed across the newspapers daily. Enjoy your day, it sounds like it will be lovely.

We did it and didn't tell anyone until we were home.

My mum went mental.

Thanks @BashfulClam No I don't even want an after party haha

I absolutely love attending weddings and would be really sad if one of my good friends got married without me there, BUT it's completely up to the couple and I would always respect this.

It shouldn't matter what other people think at all - plan the wedding that YOU want. It sounds beautiful.

We did it- it was perfect! We didn't want a wedding, we wanted to be married

Do it. My wedding was an absolute joke. I’m still bitter about it years after

Go for it. Most people consider it a chore to go to a wedding. Anyone who is annoyed by it is more concerned with their not having the chance to swan around than your happiness.

Sorry to be super-pedantic but what you're suggesting is not really an 'elopement', 'elopement' is a historic term meaning running away, usually underage, to be married without the consent of your parents. I know nowadays people do generically use it to mean a secret wedding but it always makes me envision a scene from a Catherine Cookson type novel in which a blushing teenage flame-haired runaway marries her parents' broodingly handsome groom over the anvil at the dead of night for fear of discovery - which seems a bit overdramatic when it's usually a middle aged long established couple marrying in a respectable registry office with one or both sets of parents in attendance - no flame hair or police pursuit in sight

Anyway, that personal preference/gripe aside, go for it OP. Small weddings are great, no-one reasonable would ever take offence at a close family only ceremony in any case and certainly not in current circumstances. If you are really worried about anyone taking offence maybe don't put too much on social media?

We got married abroad last year, just the two of us. I’d highly recommend it! I can’t think of a single thing I’d change about it, and we saved thousands.

Our families were fine about it (apart from SIL who’s never happy with anything). But she’s over it now.

Covid is a great excuse too. And like PP, we didn’t have an after party. We both hate being the centre of attention.

Do you have siblings who would be upset to be left out? (If my brother did this I wouldn't be upset but some siblings might be). I think mst people at the moment would completely understand. We did something similar and just caught up with people afterwards to celebrate individually (we didn't have the covid excuse either).

@Marmozet

We eloped 3 weeks ago. No guests. This was after cancelling twice due to covid.

Our family were sad but very understanding.

I'm so glad we did it. We had the perfect day, spent the morning together then got married at 4.30pm. Without sounding too vomit inducing, we felt like the only people in the world.

We then had dinner and drank champagne in a hot tub, so it was a pretty perfect day.

I really can't recommend it enough. It was incredibly romantic and chilled.

I enjoy weddings but I wouldn’t give it a moments thought if somebody did a small wedding or eloped. People will not be as interested in your letter as you think they might be.

Covid 19 gives you the perfect excuse/defence for a small wedding. I have known two couples who have done this, and at the time thought 'good for you'.

My friends had a lovely wedding in a beautiful place - just them, no guests at all. They had a meal with friends later.

I think there's a tendency nowadays for ridiculously expensive weddings when the money could be put to much better use. It's the marriage that is important not the wedding.

Just don't tell anybody beforehand; it's easier to ask forgiveness than permission.

If people know beforehand they'll try to guilt trip you and you'll be forced to reject them to their faces, so just keep it a secret.

Surely the whole point of eloping is that nobody knows!

We did, it was supported by my parents (reason that we are adults and can make our own choices) but not supported by MIL (couldn't believe she'd never get to see her son get married, and one day I'll find out for myself how thoughtless it was)
It was us, two witnesses and our two boys - relaxed, no pressure and cheap!
We did hold a party in the evening, but we got married around Christmas time so was a nice way of spending time with friends

YANBU to want to get married quietly with no fuss.
YABU to worry about what other people will think!
Don't tell anyone your plans, just do it, if it's what you want. It really isn't anybody else's business but your own.
Have some virtual for your big (or not so big) day...

@KrakowDawn

We did it- it was perfect! We didn't want a wedding, we wanted to be married

Yes! We had said if we could just fill in an online form we’d be happy.

We eloped and called our parents afterwards. We just couldnt be arsed with the logistics and all of the associated faff.

Op this is is literally the perfect time for you to do this. Covid only allows 15 people, including the couple and vicar/ registrar/ photographer so only 11 or 12 guests. Just say you didn’t want to pick between people who are all very important to you.

We had to have a small wedding due to covid (we wanted and had planned a big one) and everyone was extremely understanding. Our parents would’ve been gutted not to be there and my brother would have been too, but everyone else was fine!

We eloped and had no one at our wedding, it was brilliant and very romantic. No one said anything about it (to our faces) but in both our families we are seen as a bit odd due to not wanting children so I think it was partially expected.

We did have a big party afterwards and it's the only part I wouldn't bother with if we had to do it all again. Neither of us is a huge fan of big parties, the families didn't really mix, we spent all evening barely seeing each other etc. Absolutely confirmed to us that we did the right thing with the important bit!

Do it OP! My dh and I eloped and got married on a friday afternoon 10 years ago. I say eloped but what we did was tell everyone before hand,so no one got their knickers in a twist,We had decided to get married and wanted no fuss and we were both insistant that the day was about us,,just us,So we told everyone we were getting married and then just going away for a few days,No one minded cos we were straight about it,We had 2 people witness our wedding and we buggered off to the seaside! It was perfect. I think the way we did it brokered no argument from anyone as we didnt invite opinions ,,we sort of presented then with a plan and said this is what we are doing as a done deal. I would recommend anyone to do the same.It was our day,about us and it was perfect for us.