AIBU to think I’m genuinely broody?

[Pl242]

I’m 39 and have DD 4 and DS 20 months. DH and I have always said 2 children would be our ideal and we feel incredibly lucky to have 2 happy and healthy children.

After DS was born we were really clear we were done. Gave away everything once he was out of them, started fantasising about life without nappies and working around naps etc.

But now I can’t stop thinking about a possible another child. I’m sure it’s probably just nostalgia as DS gets older and realising that if we stop at 2 then this is the end of a chapter. But these feelings are also leaving me second guessing myself. If I was 100% certain I was done, wouldn’t I just know that?

Anyone else been through this?

YABU - you’re not broody, you’re just nostalgic for the end of this stage of life and your hormones are driving this.
YANBU - if you don’t think you’re 100% done, then maybe you’re not done.

I got incredibly broody just before the menopause. Luckily I wasn't able to have any more.

I’m in a similar situation as you op. Don’t trust those pesky chemicals making you think you want to do it again.

We are close to the finish line! Whenever I start with the bad feelings I think about solo trips with my partner, nights with unbroken sleep, money to spend on us. I tell myself my brain is playing tricks on me and if I give in I have to start the marathon all over again.

Yes. I am sure my brain is playing tricks on me! Another baby has only felt appealing since I got some sleep again!

Somewhat similar position here, except my partner is 100% done and my broodiness comes from possibly having mine in very close succession - so we didn’t get to fully appreciate and indulge each stage individually as such.

Something I think to myself is that my next pregnancy / child - If we were to go ahead with one could have health issues, my pregnancy could be awful, I might develop PND, it may not be the easy enjoyable experience I’ve had before.
I am nostalgic for the magic of pregnancy and new and young babies but I know that I could not risk the current balance of our family life. If another baby were to come along with complex health issues for instance - ok you live with it and you do what you need to do and there is enough love for all the kids - but you’ve added stress and strain and complications to everyone’s life for a “feeling” of broodiness.
Sorry if this seems selfish or dismissive of families with this dynamic, I’m not intending to be.
I guess it’s a case of I can’t believe how lucky I am after years of infertility, something in me doesn’t want to rock the boat?

In short - you’re not unreasonable for feeling broody or nostalgic or anything but unless you absolutely feel 100% that you DO want another child (and DP agrees) then you should just let the feeling come and go without giving it too much attention.

I’m in almost exactly the same situation as you (your age and kids the same age). I’m broody and I want another one, just in the same way I was after I had my first one. I’d always thought 2 would be plenty but I’d definitely be going for a third if my husband were on board (he’s 100% not!)

I don’t think there’s such thing as non genuinely broody!

Broody doesn’t mean you should necessarily have another child, it just means you feel like you might like one : are a bit sentimental about it/ longing etc .

Yes. Part of the reason that I thought I would be done at 2 was that I wouldn’t want to push my luck.

I’m in a similar position. 2 Young DCs,
Close in age. Feel very happy & grateful with my lot, I do have pangs of sadness when I think about things I’ll miss personally, being pregnant, the scans, the day baby is born, the ‘magical’ parts. But I don’t want to start all over again & delay our dependence by a few more years! Although I would of course love a third child when it was born, I don’t see anything extra it could give that the first 2 havent!

I thought I'd feel done after three, I really don't! I don't think it's unusual to never feel done - for us now it's about letting the head rule the heart, otherwise I'd be popping them out till menopause

There is no right and wrong answer and every dynamic is different. We have 4 children and it wouldn't have been the same to stop at 2. We wouldn't have the dynamic between our youngest and our oldest. Subsequent children do bring additional joys and challenges to every family. Every child is different and personally I love having 4, with their different personalities and the various relationships they have formed between each other. But only you know if you want to have another child. Don't rush, see how you feel in 6m's time and make sure you remember all the challenges that come with a new baby.

Yes. I think maybe the feeling will pass. Certainly don’t want to rush into anything unless very sure of my decision. But on the other hand if I were to go for it I should in theory get a move on as I’ll be 40 next year.

@Pl242 What part of a new child would make you happy? E.g. if it's a matter of finding babies cute / wanting a little angel to dress up then it might just be a temporary emotional feeling. However, if it's a genuine feeling of "my family doesn't feel complete, I have all of the time and energy and resources to bring another life into the world and a deep emotional feeling to do so" then I'd say consider the possibility of another kiddo.

I feel the same. I'm a little younger but my husband is mid forties so age is a factor. We've already had issues with previous pregnancies leading to loss . My last pregnancy with #2 I was so incredibly anxious & the pure relief when he was born was also in part a feeling of 'phew I don't have to go through that again' . So why do I feel like I do? Like I can't believe I won't have 3. I so wish I could turn it off.

I’m really not sure why I feel the way I feel at the moment. It’s not just loving the idea of another cute baby. I was looking at my two sat next to each other at the kitchen table and just thinking how great they are and wouldn’t it be amazing to have another sat alongside them and see them all interact.

But I can also think of a lot of reasons why stopping at 2 seems right for me/us. So I don’t think I can fully entertain the idea without being more sure.

I suppose I’m just surprised by the thought of a third even crossing my mind at this stage. I was so sure I was done but now there’s just a tiny voice inside me questioning it 🤷‍♀️

How does your hubby feel about the possibility of a third? Could you financially / emotionally cope with one if you chose to try for one?

It’s funny. He was also very done at 2 but me talking about it has made him question it too. Financially we could make it work but obviously better off not having another. Career impacts to think about too but in some ways it would be a fairly good time for me. Emotionally no obvious blockades. Though I’d be anxious rolling the dice in some ways. My age. What if they are complications. What if it’s twins?! Also just the hard reality of going through those early years again, whilst of course having to meet needs of the other 2. Then my practical head saying that so many practical things seem easier as family of 4 rather than 5.

This thread is very helpful to me so thanks for comments. I think I’ll probably end up in the same place. 2 is great and we should cherish them. But these feelings have just taken me by surprise!

@Pl242 Sounds a bit basic, but you could weigh up the pros and cons in a list? Or what I like to do (mildly defeats the purpose in telling you but try and keep an open mind) is associate "to have a baby" or "to not have a baby" with two sides of a coin, flip it and then see if you feel disappointed or happy with whatever side it lands on! x