To think it’s okay if sex gets put on hold in a marriage

[Buddythegnome]

Name change for this -

DH & I have been together 11 years. Our son was born in April.

He’s nearly 6 months old and DH and I haven’t had sex since he was born.

We also didn’t have sex for the last 3 months of pregnancy (I was too big and didn’t feel comfortable)

So it’s been 9 months now.

We’re still affectionate, we kiss and cuddle, but we haven’t had sex.

I’ve spoken to him about it and he understands how I feel.
I don’t feel particularly attractive at the minute, I’m not back to my pre pregnancy weight, I’m also breastfeeding and I know it shouldn’t make a difference but I guess there’s an element of feeling touched out.

Our son isn’t the best sleeper either and to be honest I’ve just felt totally knackered.

I’m happy that DH is patient, there’s no pressure or lack of understanding from him, but I can’t help but feel like I’m a rubbish wife.

I just don’t feel like I want to have sex.

Has anyone felt like this and does it pass?

Breastfeeding does make a difference to your hormone levels and can majorly reduce your sex drive.

I think if you're both communicating and still affectionate then there is no problem.

I will say though that sometimes not having sex makes you not want to have sex iyswim? Having sex can actually increase your sex drive and make you want more. If you're unhappy about the lack of sex and would like to try then it might be worth scheduling a time when you feel comfortable initiating it.

Sounds very familiar to me. My late wife didn't want sex for quite some time after ours were born. We kept up the communication and affection and her sex drive did return. Took a while but the relationship was still strong throughout.

Don't knock yourself. You are not a rubbish wife.

I barely had sex throughout my pregnancies or for the first few months. My husband understands it's not forever. We are still affectionate. Your libido will come back when feel more normal.

I could have written this myself! I don't have the answer but just wanted you to know you are not alone!

I feel similar. I don’t think people should force themselves to have sex if they don’t want to.

Aside from if l was seriously ill, l can’t imagine going so long without sex. I’d be crawling up the wall.

Me too @StarlightLady, I would begging for it 🤣

That said, i don't think you're a crap wife OP. Everyone is different and having a new baby is very tough. You may find once you start getting more sleep your sex drive returns.

Not that strange and I'm sure your husband doesn't think you're a crap wife which is what counts.

YANBU.

It's soooo hard with little one. Ours was very infrequent for a few years, now it's better than ever. There is absolutely no rush.

When you are ready, I think it does take a bit of concious attention for a while, to get things really going, but your marriage will take no harm from a dry spell. The affection and love are the important bits.