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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To feel sad that I never had a boyfriend as a teenager

14 replies

NameyChangey882 · 18/10/2020 20:54

And have never had a "proper" serious relationship. I am 28 and do have a DC (conceived through a one night stand when I was 21). I had crushes at school but they never seemed to like me back. I feel like I've missed out on a special rights of passage. :( I then became a mum and have only been on one date since which didn't work out. It makes me feel like a bit of a loser or like there is something wrong with me. :(

OP posts:

Toilenstripes · 18/10/2020 20:58

Everyone has their own pace in life. You are definitely not a loser! I never had a boyfriend as a teenager and didn’t lose my virginity until almost 20. I think if you focus on being a good person and figuring out what you want in life, then someone will come along who is right for you. Just don’t ever settle! 💐

deskthinker · 18/10/2020 21:02

I started dating at 13 and have never been single since. I regret that also, wish I had had more free single days in my teens and twenties.

Newkitchen123 · 18/10/2020 21:02

My now husband didn't do the big relationship till he met me. Circumstances just got in the way. He was in his 40s.
There's nothing wrong with you.
Everyone has their own pace for their own reasons and set of circumstances.
We couldn't be happier

Anotherthink · 18/10/2020 21:06

I know what you mean op but life isn't a textbook. People can reach the usual milestones and be unsatisfied, but from a different point of view.

I think it's ok to be wistful but don't let it take over, you could have done all that and still wish things had been different.

You'll meet someone

MushMonster · 18/10/2020 21:07

I would never regret not to have boufriends as a teenager. I think that is too young and risky. But I understand how you feel about serious relationships as an adult. You do need to make yourself available. Going out with friends, online dating, speed dating (not sure if this is happening now), maybe joining clubs where you can meet men with similar interests. Do you have someone who can help you with childcare? Or are you far away from family?

calamityjam · 18/10/2020 21:07

I am 44 and I've been single for 18 months. This is the first time in 30 years. I love it and I'm certainly not rushing into anything any time soon. There are so many advantages to being single but I do understand why you would like a relationship. It's hard to find someone when you're working, being a single parent and everything else which happens on a day to day basis. I will say that you're are very young yet and there's plenty of time yet so try not to worry too much

Themostwonderfultimeoftheyear · 18/10/2020 21:09

I didn't have a relationship or kiss anyone etc until I was 20. I thought I must be hideous as a teenager. Now I am so glad that I had a wonderful school experience without it blighted by teenage relationship woes like my friends. They have so many regrets from those days and I have none.

SomewhereEast · 18/10/2020 21:13

I didn't have a relationship till I was 18 (then had a few before meeting DH in my mid-twenties) and didn't have sex till 19. I know at the time I felt like The Most Unattractive Teen In The World and The Oldest Virgin Ever blah blah, but looking back I don't think I missed much? Judging by friends' experiences teen relationships could be pretty grim once you got past the status symbol of having a boyfriend - there was a fair bit of cheating & pregnancy scares & immature teen boy shite in my circle of friends and I don't think we were atypical. Whereas the relationships I and my old school friends had in our twenties seemed much more rewarding and healthier, even if they didn't all work out long term.

Newmumatlast · 18/10/2020 21:16

Having had teenage relationships from 13/14 I can say you weren't missing out on much

SomewhereEast · 18/10/2020 21:17

Just to add, it sounds like your issue may be more about unhappiness with where you are now, rather than with your teens specifically? This is totally anecdotal I know, but I think your situation re sex and relationships isn't necessarily that uncommon? I know people IRL who came to those things later, maybe just because of shyness or life circumstances or whatever - its not talked about as much because people (especially men maybe?) feel self-conscious about it.

FilthyforFirth · 18/10/2020 21:20

I sort of know what you mean. I never had boyfriends when I was a teenager and I do look back now in my mid 30s and feel a pang of regret. Like you, plenty of people I was interested in but they never liked me back.

I am married and got with DH at 28, first serious relationship for both of us.

I think you still have plenty of time to meet someone and there will be lots out there who also havent had any relationships.

Notimeforaname · 18/10/2020 21:48

My partner had a 'kind of girlfriend' for about 2 weeks in his teens....no relationship til he met me in his late 20s. There's still loads of time op! And hes not a loser and isn't weird..most of the time🤣

ColourMeExhausted · 18/10/2020 22:06

I never had a boyfriend as a teenager. I was a very awkward teen, I felt unattractive and self conscious about my appearance. My confidence was so low that I didn't have my first proper long term relationship till I was 25. And I spent it worrying I wasn't enough for him and wondering why on earth he'd picked me - which didn't exactly help our relationship! But after we broke up, I realised that actually, I'm not unattractive and my confidence just grew from there. I met DH at 32, and by then I really, truly loved myself. Married at 35. I'm 41 now and even though I'm losing my youth, I still am very happy to be me.

Do I feel sad about not dating in my teens? A bit, I do feel i missed out on some intense experiences. But, I also missed out on a lot I'm very glad to have avoided now! I'd much rather my best years were in my 30s and not teens. I really don't like the pressure that's put in teens to date...what's the rush?? My DH (also a late bloomer) used to get asked by his stepdad if he was gay because he didn't have a girlfriend at 15! Such a daft attitude.

So there's a lot of time for you! Total cliche but it really does help to love yourself first. Forget the past, focus on the future, because the best is yet to come...

dontwantamirena · 18/10/2020 23:00

I had a couple of boyfriends in my late teens. I didn’t come from a very loving home so I would get very attached quickly and let them treat me badly. They would then get tired of me pretty quickly. In retrospect I feel like I was a second choice girlfriend a lot, just who was available, never a first choice.

I never dated anyone I was in high school with and I think that could have been cute to walk the halls together holding hands. But most of all I wish I had just waited until I was older and had healed a bit so I could decide what I wanted in a relationship instead of falling at the feet of any guy that half looked at me. I kind of envy that you’re able to start dating later OP.

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