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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Do I keep them off school tomorrow?

62 replies

Lougle · 18/10/2020 19:28

DD2 has oral surgery tomorrow. We have been self-isolating since Thursday night, as per hospital guidelines, and DD2 had a CV test on Saturday at her pre-op appointment.

I have a dilemma. DD1 and DD3 go to schools 10 miles apart. DD1 cannot get to school other than me transporting her (SN).

YANBU: The letter says you must isolate until the operation. You must keep DD1 and DD3 off school so that you don't break isolation prior to the operation.

YABU: Don't be so stupid. As long as you don't leave the car, you aren't coming into contact with anyone, so you can drop DD3 and DD1 to school, as long as they just get out of the car and you don't.

OP posts:
Alternista · 18/10/2020 20:59

How on earth is the OP driving then to her parents any lower risk than driving them to school?

I’m baffled by this. Surely you just drop them off at school but don’t get our yourself?

Original poster
Lougle · 18/10/2020 21:02

@Alternista

How on earth is the OP driving then to her parents any lower risk than driving them to school?

I’m baffled by this. Surely you just drop them off at school but don’t get our yourself?

Arrgh...that was exactly my thinking! I'm completely torn.
OP posts:
Telephoneaddict · 18/10/2020 21:07

It's an extra trip and if something happens then she can't go back to her DD to take her to hospital and the appointment will have to be cancelled as everyone will have broken isolation. If other Dc leaves something in car, won't get out etc, then isolation will also be broken if a staff member comes over. OP said DC1 has SN, depending on type, it may mean she is unsettled by change or thought of sister having op and be reluctant to or need help to get out of car.

If something happens on the way to her parents and hospital (op said this would be the same trip) then that's bad luck and nothing you can do about it.

Original poster
Lougle · 18/10/2020 21:12

@Telephoneaddict I think that probably sums it up. The likelihood is that it would be fine to take DD3 and DD1 to school. I could even ask DD3 to get the bus (although no point as I pass her school to take DD1 to school 10 miles away). But I normally walk DD1 to the gate and I would have to ask her to just get out of the car - if she refuses, or struggles, then I might have contact with staff.

I think I will have to keep them home and hope that DD3's school understand. DD1's school is very flexible and will be fine whether she's in or not (in a positive sense).

OP posts:
saraclara · 18/10/2020 21:16

Jeeeze, people's imaginations are REALLY running away with them right now.

OP, in the car you are isolated. Every bit as isolated as in your house. And if one of these terrible fates befell you and you picked up the virus from the woman standing on the pavement when you had to get out for some far fetched reason, there isn't any time for it to get a hold in your body for you to pass it on at the hospital. It takes two days for that to happen. If a staff member comes over to your car (and how often does that happen?) you keep the windows up and shout "sorry I'm isolating" or even write a note before you set off, to hold up at the window. This all assumes that your daughters are mute, of course, and unable to say "sorry, mum's just dropping us off. She can't get out of the car because she has to isolate for a hospital visit"

MN is entirely bonkers sometimes. Car crashes? The isolation failure would be the least of anyone's problem.
We're not talking Ebola here.

saraclara · 18/10/2020 21:19

Just saw that one daughter has SN. Then call ahead so that someone can come to help her get out of the car.
But again, even if you had a few second's contact with someone three hours before you get to the hospital, you CANNOT physically pass it on to anyone at the hospital. You really can't.

Original poster
Lougle · 18/10/2020 21:21

@saraclara but where does it stop? I respect the rules and I respect the risk the hospital takes when doing elective surgery. I used to work in ICU, so I'm acutely aware of the cost of surgery and treatments.

Is it fair to justify taking them to school? I get really cross when people justify 'bending' the rule of 6, or justifying their breaking of the rules in other ways. Am I just as bad if I do something that theoretically doesn't break isolation but it does mean that I leave the house without strictly needing to.

OP posts:
saraclara · 18/10/2020 21:23

You're not 'bending the rules'. You are isolated within your car. It's just as secure an environment as your house.

saraclara · 18/10/2020 21:27

But I give up. I'm offering you the science and making it clear that a) isolation is about being isolated from people, and your car does that every bit as well as your house and b) in a worst case scenario that someone has to take your daughter from the car, and they happen to have the virus (in itself unlikely) and you happen to breathe it in, you will not be able to pass it on three hours later.

But it makes no odds to me whether you do it or not. I just wish people could use logic and science to make decisions instead of flapping.

saraclara · 18/10/2020 21:28

You know you're not going to be isolated when you walk from the hospital car park, right?

Gunpowder · 18/10/2020 21:29

Totally fine for them to go to school! It’s no more real risk. You are overthinking.

Original poster
Lougle · 18/10/2020 21:32

@saraclara sorry to frustrate you. It's because I know the science that I'm conflicted. My logical, rational brain says that it's ok to take them to school. My emotional brain says that I don't want to lie if they ask if I've been anywhere and I don't want to break the rules, which say 'don't leave the house'.

I don't think I'm being unreasonable to wonder what the best thing to do is.

OP posts:
M0mmyneedswine · 18/10/2020 21:34

I would take them to school

NavyKitchen · 18/10/2020 21:40

You've been asked to isolate until the day of the operation, which you've done. Regardless of whether you drop them at school or at your parents' you will still be taking them somewhere in the car.
If a staff member has to come out to collect dd1, I would imagine you will still be more than 2 metres away from them and even if you weren't, it would be for less than 15 minutes - wouldn't even flag up on track and trace.

saraclara · 18/10/2020 21:42

Sorry @Lougle! I'm more frustrated with the amount of ridiculous scenarios that some people are coming up with! There are so many paranoid MNers when it comes to Covid. I shouldn't have been grumpy with you. I just didn't like to see you getting sucked in to their irrationality!

You do what you're comfortable with. I shouldn't lecture you Flowers

ItsBeyondMe · 18/10/2020 23:13

I’ve been into hospital during COVID and my daughter is due to go in two weeks. Neither time did the full household have to isolate just me when I went and my daughter and I (as I will be accompanying her) when she goes. Both my children went to school whilst I was isolating, I just dropped them off and didn’t get out the car.

SleepingStandingUp · 19/10/2020 00:26

Def send the one that can catch the bus. Mehoght not be but she's old enough so she goes. DD with SEN, I'd call school early and ask if a teacher can come to (2m) of car so DD can go to her. If she refuses to get out the car, go home.

If they ask then would something along the lines of "yes we've obeyed all the rules" work or will DD declare "and we took Annie to school but she wouldn't get out and Mrs Jones was telling her she had to blah blah blah"?

MJMG2015 · 19/10/2020 00:59

@Lougle

You have to do something with the girls - school is no more risky (to the hospital) than your parents.

AND as @saraclara said in the very unlikely scenario where aliens cause a car crash & you end up within 2 meters if another human, the odds are against them having vivid AND even if they do & pass it on to you, you won't pass it on a few hours later.

Are you really worried about the 'OP' & doing a bit of displacement stresssing?!

Waveysnail · 19/10/2020 01:05

As long as kids are old enough to get out of the car themselves and walk into school I dont see the issue. No different from dh going to work.

BigChocFrenzy · 19/10/2020 01:23

YANBU

Avoid any worry about confusion / awkward questions from the hospital and keep them off school
It's about removing any doubt the hospital might have about your isolation

After all, they don't know if a teacher had to pry her off you, or if you talked to someone at school

BigChocFrenzy · 19/10/2020 01:25

Remember, the hospital person who questions you about isolation may be a nervous MNer !

user127819 · 19/10/2020 05:12

You're overthinking this, and I mean that kindly because I know the past few months have been difficult and I find myself paranoid about breaking the rules too. One way or another, your other daughters will have to go somewhere on the morning of the operation, be it school or your parents. You will have to drive them (or at least one of them) just like you'll have to drive DD2 to the hospital. When the hospital asks you if you've been anywhere, they're asking if you went shopping at the weekend. Not whether you sat in a car for a few minutes. It's not lying to say no, although if you wish you could explain that you dropped your other children off but did not leave the car.

Original poster
Lougle · 19/10/2020 07:21

Thanks for all your thoughts. I don't think I'm displacing anxiety about the op. I'm a nurse by profession (not practicing since last year) so I'm familiar with surgery and I'm confident about the procedure.

I was still in two minds when I went to bed, but DD1 (the one with SN) has been up since early hours as her melatonin obviously didn't do the trick last night. So I'm going to keep them off. DD3 can do any work Google Classroom at Mum and Dad's, and I know that DD1 will get out of the car happily on their driveway. It also means that DH won't have to be late for work this afternoon (split shifts) because he is picking up the girls from school.

OP posts:
TingTastic · 19/10/2020 07:55

Why can’t DD3 take the bus and you drop DD1 at your parents?

mumof1879 · 19/10/2020 08:25

Keep them both off, and save yourself any worry. Focus on your daughter having the operation and forget about everything else until tomorrow x