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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

AIBU I’m thinking that lack of health visitor support will cause a lot of issues to be missed with new parents?

40 replies

LemonLemonLemon · 18/10/2020 19:05

I have a 7m DS and have never met my health visitor. I had a 6m check over the phone because I asked her for one, but she didn’t ask about his weight, his physical ability or anything else really. I was incredibly nervous about weaning and have gotten all of my information from books and online. My DS hasn’t been weighed since 2 weeks old. I have no concerns regarding his development because he is well above his age with physical milestones, however I can’t help but think of the mothers and babies that need help.

Do you think a lot of mothers, fathers and babies will slip through the cracks? Our houses and living conditions aren’t being seen, no one is talking to us, seeing the babies or checking up on us?

OP posts:

ftm202020 · 18/10/2020 19:10

HVs are mostly crap anyway so no great lost imo.

Givemeabreak88 · 18/10/2020 19:12

Oh god I declined all hv visits after the first new born check at around 10 days, can’t stand them! Why do you want someone checking up on you?? I never seen the hv after the first check with all 4 of mine

FreeAcorns · 18/10/2020 19:12

Quite possibly although I have a 3yo and 1 yo and have rarely seen a health visitor. I think I saw one at about 3 weeks pp both times and one for my 3yo's 2 year review. Other than that we don't really get seen unless we attend weighing clinics (but with both I attempted to go to one of these and was told to please only come back if I had a problem/concern as otherwise it gets too busy so that was that!).

hammeringinmyhead · 18/10/2020 19:16

You get absolutely no help with weaning here anyway. There were classes at the children's centres but you can guess what happened there under this government. However I think the weekly drop-ins here will be sorely missed - they were part of my routine on maternity leave.

Givemeabreak88 · 18/10/2020 19:16

Must people don’t actually like feeling like they are being checked up on so I would imagine you’re in the minority

missyB1 · 18/10/2020 19:17

Yes and as a Early Years practitioner I am already seeing it. We have 2 year olds with developmental delays that have not been picked up because they didn’t get their 2 year check. Early intervention makes a huge difference but getting referrals done needs input from healthcare professionals.

HVs get a bad rap on parenting forums but they are an important resource, there just aren’t enough of them.

Africa2go · 18/10/2020 19:18

Agree with a pp. My personal experience of HVs is that they were detrimental to both my DC's and my health so lack of visits wouldn't be a cause for concern.

Givemeabreak88 · 18/10/2020 19:18

Most*

Woodlandanimals · 18/10/2020 19:19

I didn’t think HV still existed. I was looking at DS’s little red book last week and the HV notes are utter tosh.

They also booked in his 2 year review when he was about 1 and when I phoned up to cancel the appointment they accused me of getting his age wrong brilliant!

BogRollBOGOF · 18/10/2020 19:23

YANBU.

Years ago the HV came round to see DS2 (I was having difficulty getting out due to birth injuries persisting.) While she was there, I mentioned that DS1's progress at speech was stalling. She listened to him, thought there was something in it, then arranged an assessment. He was on the low end of average. A year later, he'd continued to make limited progress and was referred to SALT. That went on to become useful history in DS being diagnosed with ASD. That early paper trail starting with a casual conversation turned out to be an important step.

DigitalGhost · 18/10/2020 19:23

I've not met mine either and she said she expects to still be doing appointments via the phone by the time its my DD 2 year check up! My DD is 5 mo!
She wasn't happy about that though.

StealthPolarBear · 18/10/2020 19:28

@missyB1

HVs get a bad rap on parenting forums but they are an important resource, there just aren’t enough of them.

Totally agree

Isitbedtimeyet4 · 18/10/2020 19:33

I’ve seen mine four or five times in the last few months 😂 I’ve got a 2 month old, 1 year old and 2 year old so all the appointments came at once! Honestly mines great! She isn’t rude or pushy, just gives me the support I ask for, referred my two year old for speech therapy because I was slightly concerned that she rarely ever spoke and weighed a measured all of them! I see her again in a few weeks for my babies 12 week check and honestly I’m glad, I sometimes get little questions that google can’t clear answer so she’s really handy! I do think things will be missed and it won’t be helpful (for those that use the service) but in my area they’re still visiting and I can’t text her for any questions whenever I want!

Eatmysocks · 18/10/2020 19:35

Why are some HV not doing their usual job by seeing people? Unlike teachers and medical staff.

(I’m not trying to offend anyone - I may be just being stupid. I’m very tired after lots of night shifts - I am just wondering)

Itisbetter · 18/10/2020 19:40

Mine were all useless and certainly didn’t help when I was ill, or with my child with severe disability or with my child who was ill. Waste of money and time in my experience.

bewilderedinkent · 18/10/2020 19:40

I feel really sad when I think about this too. When DC was a baby I had PND and wouldn't have got help if it wasn't for a lovely HV who came to visit us. By comparison now, youngest DD was due an appointment and we had a phonecall instead. It wasn't ideal as there was really no way for the HV to get a sense of things from that. Not a big problem as no huge concerns, but I feel awful for parents and kids who need that extra support but aren't getting it. It feels like a safety net has been pulled away. It was never perfect, but definitely better than nothing at all.

mummyoneboy19 · 18/10/2020 19:41

I think it depends on area - in my area health visitors are still doing routine appointments and coming to your home if needed. Honestly mine is fab, she’s been to see me twice during Covid and has been a massive help getting referrals going etc.

Quacks2020 · 18/10/2020 19:41

I was speaking about this with my sister.
She has very bad mental health, which she frequently used to call them and is now getting help from our GP.
But they never cared. They haven't seen my nephew since he was a baby.
I had a 15 month check up over the phone. Asking personal questions (normal I know) if my partner is abusive, has he ever threatened me, about my mental health.
But really they didnt care about the answer.

TicTacTwo · 18/10/2020 19:44

Are babies getting jabs? You'd think they'd quickly measure and weigh babies at the same time to check things are ok.

HVs are rubbish ime and wouldn't have helped with weaning. Other mums or the Internet would have given better advice. I had my oldest when Blair was PM and in those days Surestart centres did talks on stuff like weaning but I'm not sure if that sort of service happens these days.

BackforGood · 18/10/2020 19:46

In my area, HVs are just on their knees through covering hundreds of children and families. Vacancies can't be filled.
Not seeing you is nothing to do with COVID and everything to do with capacity Their full working week is taken up with safeguarding and child protection. Anyone else who sees one is pretty lucky.

Properly resourced, HVs are a massive asset to society - I don't get the hatred on MN. BUT they are in such short supply, they have no chance of doing the job in the way the would like to.

OhTheRoses · 18/10/2020 19:47

My eldest is 25. I still can't quite comprehend how useless my hv was. Couldn't record info accurately, didn't care beyond ticking her boxes and was unable to define the purpose of her role beyond "it was her job to make sure I talked to may baby enough for him to develop speech" . And I was supposed to go and sit in a skanky clinic to get my baby weighed and she expected me to go. she was about 25 and had dirty hair and shoes

Never bothered with after the second visit and one session in swanky baby clinic. Did however read ds the Iliad and the Odyssey when he was months old. He took a first in Classics and I've often thought of sending her boss a copy of the degree certificate.

Original poster

LemonLemonLemon · 18/10/2020 19:48

Yes, babies are getting jabs. It seems to vary by area if they are getting weighed, mine never was.

I understand some people don’t want checking up on, but surely in some cases it’s essential to pick up on neglect, abuse, and like PPs have said developmental issues.

However, some of you have reassured me that I’m not missing out on much but sometimes I think it would be good to have some reassurance.

OP posts:

cptartapp · 18/10/2020 19:49

HV's don't vaccinate though.
I'm a practice nurse that gives the jabs but we're not really trained in anything paediatric. We just pop them on the scales to calculate the weight at 8 weeks for the calpol dose but I wouldn't know what else should be 'measured' or how to do it?! Any queries I ask them to ring the HV or GP.

OhTheRoses · 18/10/2020 19:53

Cptartapp - that's how our practice was organised. The practice nurse was far more reassurimg than my hv. She was after all in her 50s and was an experienced mother of grown up children, sensible and well educated. And was never patronising but cared.

SpeedofaSloth · 18/10/2020 19:53

I came across some rubbish HVs and two absolute diamonds. I would have missed then if they'd not been able to come and visit, TBH. My DC are a bit older now though, I am not sure the HVs visit like they used to anyway (DD is 7).

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