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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Dating - dreaded aftermath

16 replies

Chairlove · 18/10/2020 12:43

Had a great date last night and not too sure he wants to see me again. He is not the best at texting, does reply, but not much chat. In person he was so different than on text - so chatty and open.

Dating in the covid world is odd at the moment. Matched with a guy OLD in March. Various reasons didn’t meet up then the world went crazy No point dating. We matched again in August. Was suppose to go out, mixed messages no date arranged. I must admit I had been in a few dates with another guy, so didn’t chase it up.

We matched again and I through messages we arranged an impromptu date yesterday afternoon. I was planing on meeting for a drink and leave. Wasn’t to convinced about him, but interested in meeting. He admitted he doesn’t date much and has been single for 5 years and out of practice.

We had a great time. Lasted 5.5 hours. Lots of chat and laughs. He was a really nice guy, lots in common and I did fancy him. We left and he said text me when you get home safe, had a great time It went really quick, can’t believe we were there fir so long, thought it was an hour. I replied great to do it again ad he said yes.

Got home and he texted great time, went so quick. I texted yes it did, sleep well. Texted this morning and he replied. However now gone on dating app and he has unmatched me.

Does this mean he isn’t interested or just unmatched as we met? He didn’t act like he wasn’t interested last night, but hard to gauge as you can’t really flirty touch.

Hate this part of dating. Surely a quick Planned date that lasted that long means he is interested. But the unmatch is odd if he still is interested

OP posts:

eatsleepread · 18/10/2020 12:49

Hmm, that is a bit odd. I would just text and ask if he fancies meeting up again. At least that way you'll know for sure. I have to say that he doesn't sound overly keen, but I could well be wrong.
Good luck and keep us posted!

Powerchewings · 18/10/2020 12:50

I had a date like that when I was on OLD. Same thing happened to me, he dropped me from his favourites on POF after a great date with lots of flirty banter and a snob at the end, 🤷‍♀️ I just blocked his number and moved on.

Powerchewings · 18/10/2020 12:50

Snob 😂 I mean snog!

SilentAlarm · 18/10/2020 12:50

I would assume it was his way of letting you know he’s not interested. Ask him why he did it. Might be he thought the date went so well he’s come off the app completely?!

Original poster

Chairlove · 18/10/2020 13:04

Yeah maybe it’s his way? Been unmatched, he has not deleted his profile. You can tell. He is not the greatest texter. He admitted to not using his phone much and prefers person.

Maybe text this evening and ask how is day is. I hate dating fir this reason. You feel a connection but not sure the other does.

OP posts:

IJustWantSomeBees · 18/10/2020 13:17

I don’t think it means he’s not interested, I think it means he’s keeping his options open.

I unmatched people on Hinge that I was seeing so that they couldn’t see if I added new photos or changed my profile, etc. Basically because I didn’t want people I was dating to be able to see whether I was still actively searching for new contenders (though I was upfront with them all that I was seeing multiple people). I see the dating app as the way of making contact; if you have exchanged numbers and started meeting then what is the point of staying matched on the app?

OrigamiOwl · 18/10/2020 13:25

If someone unmatched me the day after a date on OLD is take that as a massive sign they were not interested.
I'd move on and start looking for new options.

RealBecca · 18/10/2020 13:30

I dont understand OLD but yeah, I def would not be texting again at all unless you hear from him.

DontTouchTheMoustache · 18/10/2020 13:33

I'd wait and see if he messages you again, there is no worse feeling than messaging "how was your day" etc and them ignoring it completely. If he messages you again I'd assume he is interested

DilemmaDerby · 18/10/2020 13:40

Are you dating the guy who just ended it with me?

He did this, we did actually go on to date for about 8 months before he ducked out.

I don’t think it means he’s not interested, it probably does mean if you continue to see him you can’t see if his location changes and that he’s still online...

Original poster

Chairlove · 18/10/2020 13:43

No idea on dating etiquette. First dates are so hard. Surely if you weren’t interested you would have left when the waitress said do you want the bill not order more drinks.

He did text this morning and replied. Said he was out with mates. Who knows. Shall have to see.

OP posts:

Derbee · 18/10/2020 13:56

@IJustWantSomeBees

I don’t think it means he’s not interested, I think it means he’s keeping his options open.

I’ve never used OLD but this makes sense.

JaffaCake70 · 18/10/2020 13:58

@DontTouchTheMoustache

I'd wait and see if he messages you again, there is no worse feeling than messaging "how was your day" etc and them ignoring it completely. If he messages you again I'd assume he is interested

This.

Don't message him first. If he's interested he'll be in touch won't he?

Don't come across desperate by initiating contact.

Moonmelodies · 18/10/2020 13:59

If he lasted 5.5 hours he's probably knackered.

justanotherneighinparadise · 18/10/2020 14:05

Does unmatching you mean you have less ability to see what’s he’s up to online? That’s what I would assume.

TheAdventuresoftheWishingChair · 18/10/2020 14:40

I hate this about OLD. It messes with your head so much.

I know it's easier said than done, but step back. If he's interested (and good partner material for you), he will be in touch. It's that simple. I think it's quite alright to wait a few days and message asking if he wants to meet up again, but try not to give it any more thought than that. If we weren't in a pandemic, I'd say put lots in your diary so you're having fun and thinking about things other than him. If he is interested, he will keep texting and he will try to arrange something or be keen when you suggest it. But it's such early days and you have to have the mindset of there being lots of other people available if this goes nowhere. And there are. If he goes cold, it hurts, it's a shame but he's just not the right person for you. Know your own worth.

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