AIBU to not see DH’s family?

[carpet80]

I’m a new mum to a 4 month old DS. His sleep isn’t great at the moment (he currently wakes 2-3 times in the night) and I do all the feeds, so I’m generally feeling quite tired.

Today DH is meeting his brother, SIL and their two kids for a socially distanced walk in the park then pub lunch. They’ll be sitting on separate tables as we’re in a tier 2 area. He’s taking baby with him to give me a break but wants me to come to the lunch bit. I would rather not go at all, but DH will be disappointed as he already thinks I’m antisocial.

However... WIBU to just say NO to the whole thing so I can have the entire afternoon at home to myself? (And when I say “to myself”, I won’t be relaxing btw - I’ll be cleaning the house from top to bottom as it’s a mess).

Thoughts please...

YANBU to not want to go but you are BU to use the time cleaning.

Don't clean! stay home, watch TV have a nap.
Don't feel guilty, being a martyr is pointless, I know this now after two babies, look after yourself and if your dh tries to make you feel guilty remind him that you're working your arse off caring for the baby and having an occasional break is necessary!

YANBU but do NOT clean the house.

What’s your DH doing if you’re doing all the feeds? Why can’t he clean?

Thanks. I just know DH will be really disappointed because in his words, “it’s family” - but I just can’t face it! Sitting on separate tables in the pub sounds awkward too.

I do all the feeds because DH is working extremely long hours at the moment and I’m on maternity leave. He runs his own business and is trying very hard to keep it afloat during these difficult times so we can continue to pay the mortgage!

YANBU

You should be able to be in your own home by yourself without your DH making an issue about it. They can see you another time when you’re more well-rested. Use the time to SLEEP, not do chores.

Also how much of the chores is he doing if the house is a “mess“?

Under Tier 2 regulations you can't socialise indoors with your DH's family members anyway. Which is in itself pretty anti-social :)

Depending on places/distances etc I'd perhaps meet them at the start/end just to say hello.

Also how much of the chores is he doing if the house is a “mess“?

To be fair it’s not that bad - just needs a couple of hours of tidying things away, vacuuming and mopping. Plus I’m in the process of sorting out my wardrobe and chucking lots out, so our bedroom looks like a bomb has hit it!

You’re more than allowed to want and need some time to yourself, and sounds like it would do you good. If cleaning will make you feel better that’s up to you, but try and find time for a nap/bath/sofa slob as well

YANBU to not want to go. There will be other opportunities to meet the family so don’t feel too guilty. Sounds like I’m going against the grain here given other opinions but I can’t relax either if the place is a mess so maybe clean for half the time, and spend the rest of the time relaxing. There will always be jobs to do around the house, but there might not always be opportunities to take it easy and have a break.

Under Tier 2 regulations you can't socialise indoors with your DH's family members anyway. Which is in itself pretty anti-social

I know, but they’ve decided to get two separate tables at the pub. Which in itself sounds exhausting - I’ll have to make an effort to look like I’m having an interesting conversation with DH, whilst looking over to their table all the time to give them knowing and friendly glances

The second they’re out the door, set an alarm for an hour and do as much as you can in that hour then take the rest of the time to relax!

Also DS’s napping is terrible at the moment - he’s doing 30-45 mins at a time and that’s it. It means there’s barely any time to get housework done, as by the time he’s gone to bed in the evening I’m too exhausted.

Definitely stay at home, you more than deserve a break! I know I would relax better with a relatively tidy house so just do what is urgent then have a well deserved nap, bath, watch netflix, whatever it is you prefer to do to relax. Enjoy x

You're not being unreasonable not to go, but please don't spend the whole time cleaning (unless you really enjoy it or are feeling motivated by the prospect).

I completely understand where you're coming from on not getting though, I've been there myself (I quite often still am) and an untidy house makes me feel stressed.

I think your DH is being very unreasonable meeting people inside when he’s in a tier 2 area. That’s all I have to say.

Don't go and don't clean. Relax

Don’t go. Don’t clean. Sleep. Read a book. Watch a movie. Meet a friend. Give yourself a break

You are absolutely not being unreasonable to want a break. If DH is really keen for you to go, how about a compromise - he agrees to be responsible for the baby after you get back until you've had an equal length of break?

Have you been out and about much / seen any friends family? I know it’s tricky at the moment but sometimes going to see friends or family after a stint of being fairly isolated (as it feels sometimes with a new baby) can sound like more hard work than it actually is. Have a rest, meet DH for lunch (have something yummy and filling so you don’t need to cook any dinner) but do so on the proviso that he helps with he housework when you get back.

Just do what you feel like.

It's a good time to learn to advocate for yourself. It doesn't matter if your husband is disappointed-- it's not bloody up to him what you do!

I presume if you don't go, dh and the baby will just be sitting on a table on his own?

Which is why he wants you to come so much....

Have a rest at home while he looks after baby, tough if he thinks you're antisocial.

Don’t go - enjoy your break !