DP has really poor hygiene

[BigMC93]

My DP is suffering with depression and doesn't shower very often and his breathe has a bit if a bad smell to it. I know I might sound horrible for saying this, but it's really putting me off him....

He's WFH at the moment, and the company he works for don't really give him any work, therefore he really doesn't have plenty of time on his hands. I understand that with depression even getting a shower seems like hard work, but he once went a week without showering and I just find it really off putting. His hygiene has never been amazing in the sense that he would wait until he started to smell to have a shower which still isn't great, but I was able to look past it. However, ever since he's started suffering with depression about 2 months ago, it's been even worse! He expects me to have sex with him and I seriously can't bring myself to do it. I've spoken to him when he told mentioned he "was going for a shower because [he] hadn't showered in a week", and I asked him to try and shower every day like I do, but do it at a certain time as routine might help him, however, nothing has improved.

AIBU?

Can you run a bath and present it to him as a “I’ve run you a bath, shall I bring you a cup of tea?”?

As a mental health nurse I don't think his depression is stopping him shower. He has a predisposition to being smelly but as a previous poster has said if Depression is so bad that you can't care for yourself it's unlikely you would still be working or wanting sex.

Sex ban until he gets his arse in gear. You will be doing him a favour by providing a good motivation for him to buck his ideas up otherwise he will just languish in this state forever

I’ve had depression. If I’m too ill to manage a shower then no way would I want sex.
If he doesn’t shower then he doesn’t sleep in the clean sheets.
He sounds grim TBH.

That's really common when meds haven't kicked in,usually meds start to make you feel the basics are achievable. If on meds, are they working or does he need a review?? Depression often levels off to lower level in the evenings for many people , can you use that time to push for showering? You need to be firmer. My routine changed totally when depressed. Self care was evenings ,as mornings were brutal if meds hadn't kicked in.

I agree on the statement about being too ill to wash he's unlikely to want sex. I've had depression a few times and take antidepressants to stay well. Sometimes the thought of doing anything is a bit much. When I was very low and anxious about covid I tried to make a shower the first thing I did, after lying in bed for a bit. I think not going downstairs and getting breakfast then potentially getting started with work or whatever works for me.

As OP has said upthread, he's never been that keen on soap and a flannel.
Is funny how he cant work up the energy for a quick shower but he can feel sprightly enough for some good old fashioned snagging.

I meant shagging!

There was a survey on depression a few years back that found depressed people had more sex as they wanted the emotional comfort & reassurance. Was in the Daily Fail I think.

YANBU I feel really bad for you. You are not being mean or unfair by insisting he showers. It’s for his own good and might make him feel better even temporarily. Who doesn’t feel better after having a bath or shower? If he’s always been like this I think you need to be really firm with him. Also who wants sex when they’re too depressed to wash - surely sex takes far more effort