To think I'm declining into severe mental illness

[Clappingforjoy]

Posting here for traffic but I've suffered for years with lack of motivation and low mood
Currently it's got worse and I cant find any enjoyment in life except eating junk which has led to me been severely overweight hence out of control diabetes and I'm also suffering with high blood pressure and hypothyroidism.
I have inner demons about history of infertility having gone through a early menopause whilst ttc 2nd DC many years ago it still affects me now .
Recently passed 50 and feel like I have completed my life and there is nothing left. Feeling like I have lost contact with siblings our df died 3 years ago, dm in a care home with dementia. All family stuff has stopped since then. I sleep alot and have developed a weird condition where I keep making random noises I try to stop it but feel it there and will suddenly yell out. Cant be bothered going to the doctor and have no idea how to explain what I am feeling.
I have a dp who gets quite concerned and will give me a massage which seems to help calm me down.
Anybody know what's happening to me.

Please make an appointment with your doctor. They can help you sort this.

@cakeandchampagne

Please make an appointment with your doctor. They can help you sort this.

Absolutely this.

I'm sorry you feel so shit, OP.

It's never too late to make new friends, hobbies, interests. It sounds like you've been going through a very hard time. Please speak to a doctor and take it one step at a time. This isn't the end, there's so much more out there for you. Once you've found the right treatment you will hopefully regain some motivation to participate in things that bring you joy x

Think I have some social anxiety as well which has impacted on my ability to make friends or pursue interests. I have so many problems it even fills me with dread making a phone call or receiving one

Cant be bothered going to the doctor and have no idea how to explain what I am feeling.

Could you write it down in a similar way to here or ask if you can take your DP to the appointment with you?

Yes dp wants to come with me but what with covid I doubt they will allow

Therapy. It can be life changing. Research BACP accredited therapists in your area, they will outline their approaches etc. It’s self care at the deepest level.

Sounds horribly tough OP but you can absolutely rediscover yourself and connect with joy again.

try hypnotherapy - it is brilliant for low mood and anxiety and is based on well researched neuroscience.If you look up the Association for Solution Focused Hypnotherapists they have a register of Hypnotherapists in your area, including trainee hypnotherapists who offer their services free of charge until fully qualified.

How are you today clapping ?

Look up MIND in your area. They may have resources that would help.

If your GP’s surgery isn’t allowing patients to go accompanied, could your DP check if they can do an appointment over the phone or videocall? He can then be there with you and can speak for you when you need him to.

Thanks for suggestions only problem is money and NHS waiting lists are so long.
I am still struggling to function and get things done it's so much effort to even wash my hair and the days seem so long. Work tomorrow and I dread it because of the whole routine of getting ready. Also got my DM on my mind she is in last stages of dementia and I dread losing her.

So sorry about your DM’s dementia.

It really does sound like depression. Do see your GP as a first step. My guess is they'll suggest anti-depressants. Anti-depressants aren't a magic bullet, but they can give you the strength to begin making other positive changes in your life which help you manage your mood and keep well. They take time to work (the first six weeks or so can be a bumpy ride) and you might need to try more than one type to find the one that 'clicks' for you. I also found that keeping a 'mood' diary helped me understand my triggers - mine are seasonal (I get SAD in a big way & now use a SAD light) and hormonal (which at least helps me anticipate rough patches & be kind to myself!).

Type it all out or even just show them the OP. Please get help. You have plenty of happy years ahead of you. The doctor can definitely help.

It does sound like you're struggling with your mental health. GP or a therapist (look for one on the BACP register) would be a good next step.

At least if you get on a waiting list now, you've made a start with that process.