I love the advice so far. I don’t think you really want to give up on yourself really, not deep down.
Without wanting to overthink it, maybe there is a bit of fear that if you try harder it might be noticed and someone might make a not-very-kind comment, or no one will notice and you might feel rejected/hurt. You absolutely have to do it for yourself. It might take a while to feel better but persevere.
Screw all those horrible people who made comments in the past, I expect they are not physically-perfect, god-like beauties themselves.
Love is definitely possible again, and so is great sex. But step one - fall back in love with yourself.
It should be holistic, not just appearance. You are trying to fix the symptoms, you need to address the cause too. You need to do things for yourself to make you feel lovely, to address the invisible feeling which - when all is said and done - is really a complete loss of self-confidence.
Do smaller things first - try adding one thing per week! eg put on perfume (my personal favourite), moisturise whenever you bathe, keep your lady garden tidy, paint your toenails, do a detox, go vegan three days a week, neaten up your eyebrows, do an online Zumba workout, listen to happy music, wear a necklace/bracelet/earrings, trade UP a brand instead of looking for the cheapest - whether you’re talking food or drink or clothes or cinema seats or anything. Watch a feel-good movie, phone an old friend for a chat, have a glass of wine with dinner. Do a nice dinner at home first - it gets you used to wearing nicer clothes so you don’t feel like an impostor when you go out.
Give yourself a daily compliment out loud to the mirror (something cheesy is fine), smile, and don’t listen to the mean little voice in your head that says you’re not worth the effort - that voice is a playground-bully, not a friend, so tell it to shut the f* up.
I strongly recommend a wardrobe “detox”. Get a few boxes, and fill one with clothes that don’t fit properly but you really like. Keep it for now. Fill the next box with clothes you really rather dislike or are thoroughly worn out but you still wear eg because they are practical and you have bought them so you are going to wear them until the day you die. This includes manky underwear.
Look at what is left. Do you have enough lovable scruffs left in the wardrobe to get you through the week? Do you have any non-scruff clothes that actually fit you nicely? Do you have excellent underwear (how ancient are your bras and knickers?) Do you own a nice pair of boots or trainees?
One thing I’ve realised as I’ve got older and fatter is following fashion gets harder as I’m increasingly apple-shaped. When I was slim, fine. But now, I need high waisted jeans, I need bras ideally with broad straps and three clasps at the back. I feel better in shapewear if I’m dressing up. I need v-necks and longer line jackets, I need to avoid chunky knits and certain colours that plainly don’t suit me.
Slowly become your own personal style guru. Once a few changes stick, you will think of more, and want to add more. You will start to find your happy, and glow again.
Having written this down, I’m feel energised and I’m going to take my great advice and apply it to myself ! Long overdue.