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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

9 year old mean girls

2 replies

Shockedmama · 16/10/2020 22:59

My daughter is 9!
She was isolated last year by a girl a number of times it was really difficult. Over lock down they became friends and made up and I thought all was well.

Go back to school and old problems resurface with my daughter once again being isolated and long term friend she had are being turned against her. One of her closest friends is no longer talking to her and when she called her (they speak every day) she told her to go away.

Now I know over lock down this girl said a lot of things about another girl to my daughter and had said that this girl said things about my daughter which resulted in my daughter not speaking to this girl for a few weeks, before realising that it might not be true and sorting her friendship out with this girl. I think that’s what has happened her with this other girl.

I logged into my daughters tik tok (I don’t allow her access anymore) and saw these girls had done a diet to a song called I hate you and although they haven’t named my daughter it’s obvious from the comments what it says.

My daughter says that she over hears this girl saying untrue stuff about her and even said to another girl ‘ don’t you think it’s bad that (my daughter) spoke to that way’ planting seeds in this girls head.

I have spoke t o the head about this multiple times they know the problem comes form this girl in fact she was spoken to a week ago about doing this to another girl.
My question is do I stick it out or move my daughter ? Every friend she has gets turned against her. I really think this is because my daughter refuses to join in on the bullying of others and gets punished for this.
She is dreading going in every day at the moment. There are times when it’s not so bad she is hanging out with 2 other girls at the moment and that’s fine but it’s the complete relentless isolation of my daughter from every one else that just makes me so angry. She isn’t invited to places at the moment and feels at any given moment she will be left out. I have seen with my own eyes these girls doing this! My daughter seems to be the weaker link as she won’t do it to others and she won’t actually question these other ‘friends’ as to why they are doing this if they are friends. Need advice to get through this feel like it’s my fault I allowed her to be friends with this girl.

OP posts:
FortunesFave · 17/10/2020 01:05

If she is hanging out with two other girls who are fine, encourage those friendships 100% and encourage DD to forget the mean girls completely.

It will all change again before she hits 11...no doubt one of the other girls will become the next victim if your DD moves on and then it's only a matter of time before they all dump the baddie.

Maskedcrusader · 17/10/2020 06:44

I can only advise based on my own experience. My daughter had a rough time around this age and my instinct was to move her out of there but she didn't want to move school. Instead we encouraged the friendships with others but also started exploring other interests so that the school friendship pool wasn't the sole focus( not so easy right now I know). We also tried to build her confidence and help her navigate and self protection I guess. It all changed when she got to secondary school. She has a small group of friends and rubs along nicely. She's also made some nice friends through a drama group. You sound very in tune with her.

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