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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To have a nemesis

26 replies

bewilderedinkent · 16/10/2020 15:57

Am I the only grown woman to have a nemesis? Perhaps an extreme way of putting it, but the person in question just irks me in every possible way. She's a queen bee as well as a CF who somehow has everyone running around after her doing anything and everything for her. She comes out with some amazingly insensitive things at times with very little self awareness but passes it off with a smile.

I am aware that it's teenage and petty to feel this way and of course would never do anything about it (apart from quietly seethe). It all does remind me of being back at school. I never have a witty come back at the ready for the sly digs, though I have grown a backbone and said no to the CF requests lately. Please make me feel better and tell me I'm not the only one to quietly harbour contempt for a nemesis.

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Sparklesocks · 16/10/2020 16:18

How do you know them, is it a work colleague?

I don’t think it’s unreasonable to dislike people. There will always be people we clash we and don’t mesh personality wise, but it seems a shame to give so much headspace to this person - try not to be eaten up by your anger towards them, they aren’t worth it.

OnCandyStripeLegs · 16/10/2020 16:24

I have a nemesis.
On paper she's perfect - head of PTA type, despite being a full time teacher elsewhere, fosters cats, everyone loves her. Except for 2 years twice a day every week day I would see her be bloody rude when no one else was looking and i can't see past that.
I'm sure she devastated I don't want to be her friend I doubt she knows who I am but there you go. I know

grassisjeweled · 16/10/2020 16:26

I think I am a lot of people's nemisee? (sp)

I rub people up the wrong way, but my intentions are honestly honourable (most of the time)

MaskingForIt · 16/10/2020 16:29

I am aware that it's teenage and petty to feel this way and of course would never do anything about it

I think having the strength of character to know what you will and won’t tolerate in a person is actually fairly mature and a sign of some depth of character.

I can’t stand the wet blanket types who like everyone and everything and always put themselves last.

CornedBeef451 · 16/10/2020 16:30

I'm always happier when I have a nemesis. My current one is fairly mild, just a patronising male colleague, but previous one was a nightmare manager.

EL8888 · 16/10/2020 16:32

YANBU l have one and she drives me insane! I’m lucky enough to not see mine very much. She’s infuriating! Interestingly women often find her this way, men often overlook her obnoxious back stabbing interfering ways

ShinyMe · 16/10/2020 16:33

My cat has a nemesis. My cat is a fat black and white cat. He loves other cats except this ONE cat who he irrationally HATES. He quivers and growls and shakes with anger when he sees her through a window. She looks exactly like him, but slimmer and with a pretty collar, and I'm convinced he's jealous. If he's outside when she's about he SCREAMS at her and chases her off, even though she's a sweet little thing.

TheDuchessofMalfy · 16/10/2020 16:37

Ooooh I have a nemesis!

Problem is we’ve got a group of friends in common so I have to be nice all the time. I don’t think anyone would guess I don’t like her but she irritates the fuck out of me!

Feefifo9 · 16/10/2020 16:39

Cut them out. Life is too short.

ShebaShimmyShake · 16/10/2020 16:45

I don't think someone becomes your nemesis just because you don't like them. Especially if they don't actually give a toss about you.

bewilderedinkent · 16/10/2020 16:50

Thank god I'm not the only one, you're all making me feel better! In my case she lives nearby and has a child in the same class as my child. I'm like you @TheDuchessofMalfy, we know the same people, so I have to keep totally silent on her status as my nemesis.

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FiveFootTwoEyesOfBlue · 16/10/2020 16:56

If she doesn't consider you her arch-enemy and isn't plotting your downfall then she isn't your nemesis.
Sorry to be pedantic.
Maybe you mean bete noire?

Doyoumind · 16/10/2020 16:56

I'm a bit like CornedBeef. I often have a nemesis - always just one at a time and with varying intensities. I usually find when I am generally stressed and unhappy I am feeling very negative about whoever it is, and when I'm calm and happy I don't focus on them so much. It's like an outlet for all my negativity.

OnCandyStripeLegs · 16/10/2020 17:04
SilverRoe · 16/10/2020 17:05

Nah a nemesis is someone who is actively acting against you, and it has to be chronic - having an actual impact on your life further to you just find them a twat or dislike them.

bewilderedinkent · 16/10/2020 17:10

@OnCandyStripeLegs I love that clip!

Ah you are all right, although I consider her my arch enemy and sometimes daydream about her downfall, she probably couldn't give a toss about me so nemesis is probably the wrong term.

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IloveZoflora · 16/10/2020 17:10

Ha ha mine is the SIL - little miss innocent, my arse is she. She's a right dog but wouldn't let the family see or know about that side of her. cheating on long term (Ex now) bf, smoking rude about everyone behind their backs arse licks to their faces. Nothing can be said against her, it's always poor Enid this poor Enid that. Fuck off Enid I can see right through you and you know it. I'm hoping one day her halo slips enough, not enough to choke her but to shock her and her praising followers🤣🤣🤣 her sly digs / comments at me and how I bring up my DC or how my house looks or what I buy the DH for special occasions she always knows best and of course her card / present is better than anyone else's. I smile so sweetly and I'm so welcoming then I pray for that halo to go each time I see her... what a cf I am!!

DolphinsAndNemesis · 16/10/2020 17:11

Despite my username, I don't have a nemesis. Grin

And to quote from the book my username comes from:
"What is it that clobbers you in Greek? Hubris?"
"I think it's Nemesis does the clobbering if it's Hubris you've got."

Beware of succumbing to hubris. Wink

CuriousaboutSamphire · 16/10/2020 17:11

Bullied at school, one girl took severe exception to me. She was my first nemesis

First job, the woman one step up from me was supposed to be my mentor. She sabotaged me at every opportunity. My second nemesis

Then PoisonousSIL - whose mother introduced my DH to the priest who would be marrying her as "the brother she should be marrying" - I'm front of the whole family! Nemesis 3+4

Head of another department objected to the fact that my teaching subject overlapped with hers - she nearly killed off my teaching career in year 1. 5th nemesis

Same at the last teaching job I had. She now runs the dept I helped set up and is described in all the college bumf as the woman who single handedly grew L3 provision to it's excellent state. Nemesis for many, she was/is incredibly dangerous if you aren't one of her chosen disciples.

Now self employed and don't have one.

I was discussing it with a friend a year or so ago and we decided that my rather naive, helpful, generous nature is seen as incredibly suspicious by some. I happily share ideas and resources without question... some people always look for the catch and, when there isn't one to be seen, assume I am up to something behind their back.

And I'm daft enough to be oblivious!

My only advice is to enjoy them... they can be quite ridiculous. Recognise their weakness and don't let it get to you.

dottiedodah · 16/10/2020 17:18

CuriousaboutSamphire I agree that a curious and kind nature somewhat naive can come over as being "soft" and some people will capitilise on it! I am the same as well . Latest problem one very nice friend who I met has a hideously rude friend ,and I have had to cut contact (met on School run!)

dottiedodah · 16/10/2020 17:45

Shinyme Your black and white pussycat being cross with his nemesis made me smile! My dog loves all others but hates one in particular too!

WhatAreWordsWorth · 16/10/2020 18:03

I used to. An ex work colleague. She was exactly how you describe. Sickly sweet and a real queen bee, yet I’ve heard her say some absolutely vile things which are always followed by a tinkly laugh and a smile Angry

A lot of people didn’t see through it apart from me and a couple of other colleagues.

Luckily she left a few weeks ago and work has felt a lot less toxic since, like a weight has been lifted.

FetchezLaVache · 16/10/2020 18:21

I'm someone's nemesis! She's my friend's GF and she'd be the first to say that I have never been anything but nice to her, go out of my way to recommend her business on the local FB pages etc, but whenever I see her she kind of looks like a horse with its ears back.

bewilderedinkent · 16/10/2020 19:55

@FetchezLaVache now you have me worried that my nemesis knows!

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FlorenceNightshade · 16/10/2020 20:01

I have several people on my go fuck yourself list. I don’t give them headspace normally, I certainly don’t dwell on them but if the opportunity arises to fuck them over (without getting caught!) then I take it. And I can wait YEARS to do so. When the opening presents itself I just think of it as a little gift to me from me in exchange for not killing them haha