To think this friend is not a good friend

[nc1962]

Nc'd in case the friend in question is a MNetter

Friend in question and I have been friends since school, so for about 25 years now.

I do think it's been a bit one sided (from my part), but I was prepared to accept that as there are other people I would talk to if I had a problem/needed support etc.

There was recently a misunderstanding and she got annoyed with me (had she asked for an explanation, she'd have seen she'd got completely the wrong end of the stick and it would have been fine). But when I think back, I'm not sure if she was a friend worth having and I want to know AIBU and have overreacted to things, or was she just never that nice?

I'm putting some examples of things that stand out to me, to hopefully give a picture;

• I would always drive to see her or meet her somewhere she wanted to go (often a long drive), but she never did the same
• most of what we did together was things she wanted to do. Eg shopping or going to restaurants
• back when I was quite broke, she'd make comments like "you manage to find some nice cheap stuff"
• when I was less broke, she just seemed a bit pissed off that us going shopping wasn't me following her round the shops buying stuff I couldn't afford
• she had a habit of mentioning the fact that I take 1 clothes size larger than her
• when I started a business managing properties, she asked what I'd been doing that day. I said I'd been arranging a plumber and a new dishwasher. She said "you seem to have nothing but trouble with those properties." (That's the point - hence why I have a job)
• she cancelled on me quite often
• when I bought a lipstick I liked which she had also bought, she said I always copy her (definitely not true, we have a completely different style)
• if I have ever said anything like a relative has died, or I've been in hospital, she is always the last person to get back to me.

AIBU or do you think this person wasn't really a very good friend?

She doesn't sound nice at all and seems to be using you to compare herself to and use the things of which she sees herself as better then you, to put you down in order to make herself feel better.

She sounds very nasty and insecure.
Better be alone then in such miserable company.

No she's not, but you don't sound like you like her much either

Well, she doesn't seem to like you, and you don't seem to like her much, so I'd be wondering what was in the relationship for either of you, apart from what sound like rather miserable outings?

She makes you uncomfortable. You don’t have to be her friend.
If you don’t want any awkwardness, withdraw slowly by not being available.
Life’s too short.

No, I don't like her very much anymore I suppose. I kept making the effort to keep the friendship going because we'd known each other so long.

I just wanted completely objective opinions as to if I've overreacted and been unfair to think she's a bad friend, because of things like the examples I've given.

I would like to know if people think IABU to think badly of her and I'm being harsh as opposed to my expectations have been too high.

She sounds utterly toxic and someone that revels in you being the underdog and not doing as well as her. Sadly, there are many people who like to have someone around to big themselves up and make them feel superior. Real friends rejoice in the success and happiness of the other.

OP, you can walk away from a friendship of 25 minutes or 25 years at any point, just because you want to. You don't need outside authorisation. What constitutes a 'bad friend' is up to you.

Thank you for the responses. It sounds like people generally aren't that impressed by the way she's been. I don't think I'm going to waste my time with her any more, she probably does like to put me down to make herself feel better and I can do without that.