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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To see my mum still?

23 replies

Goshing · 16/10/2020 11:24

I'm in a tier 2 area meaning I can no longer see another household indoors.

I am married but my husband has been working away a lot whilst Covid has been ongoing so I'm essentially on my own most of the time, literally about a day at the weekend if that I see him for recently.

I'd been seeing my mum throughout the week as we were both working from home and not seeing anyone else.

I am pregnant and have just been diagnosed with nerve damage in my leg meaning I can't walk. I can basically shuffle to the toilet and that's it right now.

Firstly, I don't know what I'm supposed to do about shopping. I've tried to get an online delivery but it seems to have gone crazy again with nothing in my area available for about 5 days so with DH being away I probably am going to have to ask my mum round to help me with that.

But secondly, I just want to see her still. I feel so lonely at the moment. Neither of us go anywhere else and now I can't even leave the house essentially.

Would it count as a support bubble in this sense seen as DH is away most of the time?

OP posts:

Noitjustwontdo · 16/10/2020 11:25

Yes, I think this would count as a support bubble. It isn’t the same as national lockdown anyway, they’ve already said you’re allowed to use grandparents as childcare and such forth so I’d just do it. You’re not breaking their magic rule of six and you’re both WFH so having little contact with others anyway.

dawnish · 16/10/2020 11:30

If I'm understanding your OP correctly, your Mum is in a single person household and would be able to form a support bubble with you and your husband, so you'd be within the rules anyway?

Original poster

Goshing · 16/10/2020 11:30

Thanks I just wasn't sure as I understand it's meant for single people which technically I am now although it feels like it sometimes!

OP posts:

pudcat · 16/10/2020 11:31

As your mum is on her own she can have a support which is you. This is what tier 2 says. People must not meet with anybody outside their household or support bubble in any indoor setting, whether at home or in a public place. So yes you can see each other.

Original poster

Goshing · 16/10/2020 11:31

@dawnish

If I'm understanding your OP correctly, your Mum is in a single person household and would be able to form a support bubble with you and your husband, so you'd be within the rules anyway?

Sorry no I should have clarified. She has a husband at home. He is also WFH. So they don't see any other households.

OP posts:

Original poster

Goshing · 16/10/2020 11:32

Technically I am *not... that should have said.

OP posts:

Cocomarine · 16/10/2020 11:37

Socially, she shouldn’t be seeing you. But make your own sensible decision on that.
Re the shopping, if you’re not able to put it away, then your mum or stepdad could do that for you as providing essential care, I guess.

Your husband needs to pull his weight for his pregnant wife though!! You shouldn’t be worrying about shopping. He should be doing the shopping for the week when he’s back from work.

Original poster

Goshing · 16/10/2020 11:39

Yes DH will have to do a lot of it I imagine (which he will do happily) it just depends whereabouts he's working as to whether he comes home for the day at the weekend. He's been working all hours recently as my job could potentially be down the shitter so he's trying to do as much as possible now before the baby is here.

I'd definitely need help putting it away if DH wasn't here, I genuinely can't stand for much longer than a minute or two as I only have the proper use of one leg at the moment.

OP posts:

Spidey66 · 16/10/2020 11:42

I think that definitely sounds like a support bubble. Go for it.

Original poster

Goshing · 16/10/2020 11:44

I've been tempted to just ask her if I can stay with her to be honest.

But then that would mean I couldn't see DH when he's back. I just don't know what to do for the best. It's pretty scary feeling isolated like this when I feel so... vulnerable? Although I know plenty others are in the same boat/worse.

OP posts:

Original poster

Goshing · 16/10/2020 11:49

And we have cats so I don't know what I'd do with them if I went to hers.

OP posts:

ilovesooty · 16/10/2020 11:50

You can't have a support bubble but she could provide essential care.

Justforphoto · 16/10/2020 11:51

Not a support bubble no as neither of you are actually single however it would come under providing care for a vulnerable person as you would fit the definition of vulnerable and needing help

Original poster

Goshing · 16/10/2020 11:55

When the tier 2 restrictions were announced, I wasn't too concerned because I could still meet outside so we were just planning on going for some walks with her dog in the evening/weekend and I would have been fine with that.

Obviously now I can't walk though!

OP posts:

ImaSababa · 16/10/2020 11:57

I'm at my mum's house today. Fuck it. They're filming bloody Batman in my city, so if they can do that, my baby can see her grandma.

CoralFish · 16/10/2020 12:01

I assume you are just two (you and your DP) until baby comes. So - you move in with mum and become one household. DP becomes single person and links with new household as support bubble. Done. Rules arguably bent but definitely not broken.

Original poster

Goshing · 16/10/2020 12:06

@CoralFish

I hadn't thought of it that Coral thank you.

The only problem I have there is my cats I can't take them with me as we both have a grumpy male cat each, neither of which would handle being lumped together in the same house. My other cat would be fine, she's very chilled. My boy went to my dad's (not other cats there) once when we were on holiday and he went absolutely nuts the whole time, I felt awful.

OP posts:

AcornAutumn · 16/10/2020 12:11

“I am pregnant and have just been diagnosed with nerve damage in my leg meaning I can't walk. I can basically shuffle to the toilet and that's it right now.”

To me, this means you need help and they can’t dictate who gives that, could be your mum or a friend.

I hope you feel better soon.

OverTheRainbow88 · 16/10/2020 12:12

If you’re both wfh and not seeing others I would continue to see her. Mental health is health and is important:

ReneeRol · 16/10/2020 12:13

People need to apply a bit of sense. Two tiny households that are effectively isolated because they wfh - the only "risk" is from your husband when he returns from working in the outside world.

Don't be so pedantic about the letter of rules that you leave yourself isolated and vulnerable. See your mother. You need that.

RuthW · 16/10/2020 12:25

Sounds like you need help so therefore your mum can see you as she is caring for you as you are not well due to pregnancy.

ilovesooty · 16/10/2020 12:50

@RuthW

Sounds like you need help so therefore your mum can see you as she is caring for you as you are not well due to pregnancy.

Exactly. That is within the law.

No need to break the law to do that so the people who are stridently insisting on all the reasons they are going to stamp their feet and not comply are irrelevant.

I hope you feel better soon.

LindaEllen · 16/10/2020 15:41

@Goshing

I've been tempted to just ask her if I can stay with her to be honest.

If you stay with your mum, your partner becomes a single person household and could therefore still see you when he's home, as you could become his support bubble.

So I see no reason why you couldn't actually stay with your mum and then go home when your husband is there :). It sounds like a low risk situation to me, so long as everyone takes the appropriate precautions.

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