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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Would you mention this?

26 replies

tealjourneys · 15/10/2020 21:45

When DD (15) was at school today, I found what looked like a vape pen in her room. A quick google search tells me that it's an anxiety pen and that it doesn't contain harmful chemicals (although there's no evidence for this), but that it's not intended for under 18s. DD does have anxiety, but obviously isn't 18. Do I bring it up with her or should I just let her carry on?

YABU - Don't bring it up
YANBU - Talk to her about it

OP posts:
Giganticshark · 15/10/2020 21:48

A quick Google brings up CBD. Is this what she has?

Original poster
tealjourneys · 15/10/2020 21:51

@Giganticshark

A quick Google brings up CBD. Is this what she has?
No, the brand is Anticig (the red one). No CBD as far as I can tell.
OP posts:
Changethetoner · 15/10/2020 21:55

Yes, have a conversation with her. There are things she could take that are definitely safe - like Bach Rescue remedy.

PlanDeRaccordement · 15/10/2020 21:58

Yes bring it up but in a nonjudgemental way. The conversation should be focussed on her anxiety and helping her.

negomi90 · 15/10/2020 22:11

Can you bring it up nicely?
I noticed you have an anxiety pen, are you ok, is there anything I can do to make sure you have the right support?
That sort of conversation?

SimplyPizza · 15/10/2020 22:16

So she has an anxiety pen that you say contains no harmful chemicals in it and you plan to confront her..for having anxiety and dealing with it by sucking on a pen? Would you intervene with someone gripping a stress ball? As that’s how harmful it is. It sounds very stifling and OTT behaviour from your end OP.

NerrSnerr · 15/10/2020 22:19

How did you find it? Was you doing something she knows you go into her room for like sorting washing or were you going through her things?

If you found it somewhere she would have expected you to come across it I might mention it. If you snooped I wouldn't as it'll make it less likely she'll discuss her mental health with you.

LavaCake · 15/10/2020 22:21

It sounds very stifling and OTT behaviour from your end OP.

Come off it. OP has posted asking for advice on parenting from a parenting forum. She’s clearly coming from a level-headed place of concern. That’s the exact opposite of being stifling and OTT.

MrDarcysMa · 15/10/2020 23:10

What's an anxiety pen? No nicotine?

Giganticshark · 16/10/2020 04:41

I have no idea what they're meant to do. Is it a way for young people to hide their smoking habits? 😂

ShelbyCherryBlossom · 16/10/2020 04:51

Talk to her but tread carefully. If she feels like you were snooping that could make her anxiety worse.

SD1978 · 16/10/2020 04:57

@Giganticshark - it's basically a vape but for essential oils.

blueberrypie0112 · 16/10/2020 05:06

Yes talk to her in a nonjudgment way. Kids need to understand they should be careful about using natural medicines in their body , especially not well understood.

TheTeenageYears · 16/10/2020 05:14

Vaping was seen as a better alternative to smoking a few years ago but doesn't seem to be seen quite so positively now. Diet Coke was seen as this great thing 35 years ago but within 10 years was seen for what it was. Essential oils can be incredibly dangerous and although i've never heard of an anxiety pen i'm sure some time down the line all the problems with them will come to light. Yes I would definitely talk to DD about it and I would be doing my own research on it's validity.

ThumbWitchesAbroad · 16/10/2020 05:37

It depends where you found it. If it was lying out in the open in her room, and you're normally in and out of her room regularly, then I'd say Yes, bring it up.
If it was put away, or you never normally go into her room, then I think it would be far more intrusive of you to a) know about it and b) bring it up.

But I don't think there's any harm in checking in on her anxiety - ask her if she's coping, has she got any good techniques that are helping her, has she tried Rescue Remedy etc. and see if she brings the pen up herself.

Terrace58 · 16/10/2020 05:43

It’s a risky delivery method for anxiety treatments even if they are “natural”. I would ban the vape and help her make choices that don’t deliver particles to her lungs. There are lots of anxiety options out there.

champagnetruffleshuffle · 16/10/2020 05:54

I would definitely discuss it with her, gently, so you can guide and support her. We still know so little about vaping. x

bobbiester · 16/10/2020 07:34

Googling "Anticig" suggests it is for inhaling "essential oils". Would be quite concerned about the long term safety of this. Lungs don't need extra oils.

Nottherealslimshady · 16/10/2020 07:36

Well if she's got an anxiety pen then I'd say talk to her about her anxiety. Is she getting any help for her anxiety?

chrislilleyswig · 16/10/2020 14:25

@SimplyPizza

So she has an anxiety pen that you say contains no harmful chemicals in it and you plan to confront her..for having anxiety and dealing with it by sucking on a pen? Would you intervene with someone gripping a stress ball? As that’s how harmful it is. It sounds very stifling and OTT behaviour from your end OP.
Where in the OP was the waits "confront" used?
SimplyPizza · 16/10/2020 14:39

Where in the OP was the waits "confront" used?

The word wasn’t but what else would you call planning on waiting for a child to be in proximity to you to reveal that you have been snooping around their room and found something they are not legally old enough to own, other than confronting them?

chrislilleyswig · 16/10/2020 14:43

Well I would call it having a chat

romeolovedjulliet · 16/10/2020 15:07

@SimplyPizza

So she has an anxiety pen that you say contains no harmful chemicals in it and you plan to confront her..for having anxiety and dealing with it by sucking on a pen? Would you intervene with someone gripping a stress ball? As that’s how harmful it is. It sounds very stifling and OTT behaviour from your end OP.
ffs why don't you just say op is controlling, as some mners are so fond of over using the term ? op is asking how she can help her daughter, that is not the actions of a controlling parent / person.
Regularsizedrudy · 16/10/2020 15:08

Eerrr maybe talk to her about her anxiety instead..

romeolovedjulliet · 16/10/2020 15:09

by the way from the medical aspect our lungs are not designed to inhale oils from vaping, anti anxiety or otherwise, they are unknown quality of possible problems in the future.