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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

to not buy a christmas and birthday gift for friends kids?

15 replies

myexlibris · 15/10/2020 16:15

A friend of mine I've know for 15 years has two kids who are quite young 3 and 6. They both have November birthdays and then its christmas and normally I do buy them a gift for their birthday and christmas.

Over the past few years I have seen my these friends less and less, I don't have children myself and have always been very accomodating and I'm fond of their kids but I understand they are rushed off their feet and that its probably nicer for them to socialise with other familes with children.

I think I saw them twice last year (once when I went to hand over gifts) and once this year. Obviously with lockdown its understandable but I've initiated contact a couple of times and while I get a reply if I didn't email or text them I'd not hear from them, I stopped trying in July and haven't heard from them since.

The thought has crossed my mind that they are phasing me out but to give them the benefit of the doubt I'll assume that they will get in touch in the future.

With the whole pandemic and not being able to get out to the shops the same or earning the same I was thinking of not buying their kids a gift this year for christmas or birthday but to instead wait and get them a gift each when I do actually see them again in person, which realisticlly will be next year now I think.

Is this unreasonable?

OP posts:
myexlibris · 15/10/2020 16:18

Also I will send birthday cards for the kids and a christmas card!

OP posts:
InDubiousBattle · 15/10/2020 16:25

Not at all unreasonable, just send birthday and Christmas cards. If they haven't been in touch since July I don't think they will be expecting gifts this year.

bridgetreilly · 15/10/2020 16:26

Obviously you don't have to buy presents for any friends' children. Just stop. Send cards if you like.

myexlibris · 15/10/2020 16:27

@bridgetreilly I know but I didn't mind but money is tighter this year and as I say they haven't really been in touch, which is understandable give the current situation.

OP posts:
Laurie01 · 15/10/2020 16:30

Definitely just send cards, not gifts. And if you do see them next year, you could get them a small gift each like sweets or chocolate, then going forwards do the same when you see them. Just a small gift x

zigaziga · 15/10/2020 16:30

Completely fine.

I have kids and we get presents from some friends and some relatives that don’t need to (as in the people who should would be very close family, my kids’ best friends etc) It’s lovely that they do it but if they stop I won’t be remotely offended.

I’m also of the opinion that over the years the amount of people we buy for can creep up quite naturally as we get to know more people, close friends have children (and then maybe drift apart) and it’s good to do a bit of a trim to the list every now and then.

myexlibris · 15/10/2020 16:31

@Laurie01 thanks, thats good advice! They are quite well off so the kids don't want for anything so I don't think they will miss my gifts too much which were I hope thoughtful but not expensive.

OP posts:
myexlibris · 15/10/2020 16:34

@zigaziga Thank you for that reply, I won't buy anything for now and see how it goes. I think when their youngest was born I was still very close and seen as an auntie but thats really not the case anymore not sure why but as you say people do drift apart.

OP posts:
myexlibris · 15/10/2020 16:35

sorry meant when their oldest was born!

OP posts:
myexlibris · 15/10/2020 16:37

At least one person thinks I am being unreasonable, if your reading could you say why?

OP posts:
altiara · 15/10/2020 19:31

Perfectly reasonable. Kids with lots of family and family friends can get so much stuff they don’t play with it all. Box of Maltese’s when you see them is perfect and the kids will more likely remember you!

altiara · 15/10/2020 19:32

Oops maltesers

ChalkDinosaur · 15/10/2020 19:40

I think it's fine, but I would send cards. Tbh the kids/parents would probably rather a small gift at a different time, as xmas/birthday gifting can get a bit overwhelming at that age.

Scbchl · 15/10/2020 19:46

I wouldn't even send a card to be honest. You have had to make all the contact and havent heard anything since the last time you did.

Gemma2019 · 15/10/2020 19:52

I wouldn't even bother sending a card. Now is a good time to stop doing it. I only send cards and gifts to my friends' kids if I'm their godparent. I wouldn't expect friends to send anything to my children either.

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