To ask for advice about quitting work

[Applepea1]

So I'm 50 and a nurse. I was a senior ITU nurse for many years but gradually reduced my hours and am now very part time. I have 2 children at home, one in higher education one in primary school.
Over lockdown I was forced to confront my internal demons and admit I'd be suffering from high functioning anxiety and depression for many years. I'd denied it for so long but was very unstable and it was only when the suicide ideation got unbearable that I asked for help. I had 10 weeks off work. I'm having therapy.
I'm feeling better but have a long way to go. I'm back at work in a heath care assistant role for now.
I'm at a crossroads I think, part of me wants to just retire. We can afford it. My LO hates having her dad do the school run when I'm at work (our childminder quit). She's not coped well with everything and meltdowns are common. She wants me.
The eldest is in a stable period but struggled a lot through her teens (school refusal, drugs, bad friendships)
Reasons to work are, not being completely dependent on my husband financially and just still being a nurse, it's what I am. My eldest was always proud of her nurse mum and I worry how my youngest would feel about me. Would I get more depressed feeling I wasn't doing anything useful and be lonely. (My anxiety has always made it difficult for me to retain friends or join groups for hobbies etc).
Husband is supportive either way.
I know it's my decision but just interested in opinions.
Thanks for reading.

Could you take a year out and see how you feel in that year?

When your youngest gets a bit older and more independent what will you do the fill your time?

Would you consider changing to a much less pressured environment? It sounds as if you would miss nursing but the high stress has got to you which is understandable. Your younger child needs to be able to cope with either parent taking her to school, unless there are very serious issues that shouldn’t be a reason to give up your career.

As a fellow HCP I totally hear you when you say about your purpose being bound up in your work and I also hear conflict about your identity in your post.

Let me tell you about me, it may help... I recently stepped away from my work due to health reasons. Work was primarily escalating these and Covid was the final straw. However I miss having that purpose to my life and the Covid situation hasn't helped as I cannot pursue what I'd like to do if I'd had this relative freedom at another time.

So, for me, stepping back has been double edged, however it has given me the headspace to evaluate other areas of my life that I wasn't addressing as work took too much of me and to start to heal health-wise.

A couple of thoughts:

1. When did you last revalidate? I'd work back from that in terms of hours/CPD so you can keep up your registration. 450 hours is eminently possible in one year even if part time.

1. Look at your Trust's work/life balance policy. Do they offer career breaks? Some trusts will support this though the current climate may be an obstacle.

At the end of the day your profession gives you options and you know that even if you do leave for now there'll always be a job out there for you.

Good luck with your decision.

Is there any other areas of nursing that you might like to try? Community nursing? I work in a team in the community that does IV abx at home and treats minor injuries and illness (basically like a mobile walk in centre)
I have a young daughter so only work 2 days (24 hours in total) still getting an acute side of nursing but nothing like the pressures of the hospital. I feel like a have a good work like balance. For instance I've been in 2 days and then I'm off for 6 days.
ITU is very intense and especially with covid it's even worse. However there are many other nursing roles which may be better for your mental and physical wellbeing

Thank you for your replies and ideas, I have a couple of weeks off for half term so will continue pondering!

Could you do agency work and only work when it suites you? It will keep your toes in the door and your skills brushed up if you ever decide to work full/part time again.