My birthday is coming up. The last birthday I had I was really unwell and spent a week in bed as a lone parent also trying to look after my son. The three birthdays before that were spent with an abusive ex. He got me shit presents on purpose (he's on 60k a year and on one birthday got me a pair of socks from primark and a massive dairy milk bar, one year he didn't get me anything and said he didn't have time, the next year he was in a strop because we went out for breakfast and I expected him to pay for me on my birthday, he stormed out and I got the whole bill). I now have an irrational fear of my birthday. I desperately want, just for once, to have a lovely birthday where someone does something nice for me. I've started seeing someone lovely and I feel he is likely to do something nice for my birthday. He's asked me to dress nicely and meet him at his. I'm desperate to retreat and go in to avoidance mode as I feel panicky even thinking about my birthday. Am I really weird? Should I go? I just want to curl up in a ball under my duvet and forget about it (it's also my 30th).