To be worried about what my DS did to get banned from this?

[Sovietd0g]

I overheard my teens chatting earlier. My DS (14) was telling his sister that he got banned from something on his computer. I think it was called Diskord, or something like that at least.

Should I be worried about what this is, and what he did to get banned?

Also, WIBU to look on his computer to see if I can find anything bad?

Ffs poor op..... you are doing good parenting by discovering the chat room and coming on here to grind out what it is. You really shouldn’t be chastised by others who feel they are better parents because they knew already.

[quote Sovietd0g]@Cocomarine How was I supposed to know what that is?

Anyway, I’ve had a look at that link, and he’s old enough[/quote]
You are supposed to know by being a responsible parent and not letting your child have free reign on the computer and the internet.

My DS is banned from Discord, and it was a problem during lockdown when one of his teachers was giving classes over it. He says he is banned because the school Discord server is run by some kids who don’t like him, and despite multiple requests the problem has not been fixed. So yes, it happens.

[quote Sovietd0g]@Cocomarine How was I supposed to know what that is?

Anyway, I’ve had a look at that link, and he’s old enough[/quote]
Because you're a patent and its your responsibility to WTF you child is accessing online at 14. If he's on Discord the chances are he's accessing porn too. But I'm guessing you don't think its your responsibility to manage that either.

Of you're giving your children unfettered access to the WWW then thre least you can do is know how to mitigate the risks.

Stupid question but can't you just ask him? If it's nothing bad you'll get an answer like "it's a chat room mum, I got banned because one of the stupid mods thought I was being annoying"

If he refuses to tell you he's probably said something a bit naughty..

Admittedly I don't have teens though 🤷

It could literally be anything, if you want to know you will have to ask him. I run a discord room and under 18s are banned, people being persistently annoying, rude, racist etc could be absolutely anything as each separate discord is run by different people.

I've made a point of joining most of the social media the kids use to have a bit of an understanding into how it works and what the environment is like.

There are also websites that give peer reviews on games, movies and websites, like common sense media.

I share an account on tiktok with my youngest, so I can monitor everything from what they upload, to who they add as friend, to what messages they send.

I talk to them regularly about how they are online, and what they can do in regards to pervs or bullying.

Not unreasonable not to know about it, unreasonable you didn't ask him calmly why he'd been kicked out and used this opportunity to discuss acceptable behaviour on the internet.

I share an account on tiktok with my youngest, so I can monitor everything from what they upload, to who they add as friend, to what messages they send.

Kakiweewee That isn’t what you should be worrying about on TikTok. You should be concerned about the content they have access to; it’s not just a dance/funny video app.

There are lots of videos of violence, abuse, inappropriate sexual videos, dangerous challenges, and you have absolutely no control over what your kids can see.

The algorithm will generally show them things they are interested in, but these videos can and do crop up and it only takes one to traumatise them. You can’t take it back once they’ve seen it.

I'm another who wonders why you didn't just ask him. I'm not sure if you can see messages once banned - I know you can read some channels even if you're unable to post in some areas - but he could show the general of discord if you don't know about it.

Discord is huge, it would be like a parent of teens in the '90s not knowing what an AOL chatroom or MSN messenger is, or like a pp said, like Snapchat ot TikTok now. Even without either you or the teens using them, you need to take a highly hands off approach to teen internet access to not know the basics of those. I sorta get why some parents prefer that route, but I think the risks of it are far higher than the risks of access at a friend's house or 'they'll just get around it' would like to think. I mean, why would they talk to you about something you know nothing about and have shown no previous interest in to the point you don't even know what it is?

Being above the minimum legal age requirement doesn't mean a child is old enough, many places online don't have any just like books don't have any. It's possible to have open communication and strong restrictions. I've literally had a teen ask me to maintain higher restrictions because he found the access he had to internet browsers and apps "too tempting" (particularly for violent graphic novels that apps rated as 13+, but, as I said, with books that's subjective) when he was 14.

My father was in a company that had WFH from the late '80s, I had open internet access from the age of 7, just as I had free access to miles of woods at a similar age, and free access to alcohol from my teen years. Many parents are a bit more cautious about all those these days because shit happened. I'm more rigid on internet access than anyone I know - to me internet access is like outside access, you do it together for a while, then they take gradual steps towards independence that might require some monitoring, back steps, and restrictions. We also have a ton of open conversations about it because I lived the risks of expecting a child to manage their own access, I constantly hear the drama from others about what's going on with their kids internet access and I'm actively involved in their internet lives like the rest of it. My teens like showing me their hobbies, on and offline, so I know what Discord groups my son is part of because I ask him about it and we talk. When I talk about it less, so does he, it's up to parents to openly discuss it, not put that on teens.

I’m not sure telling the op off is helpful.

We don't allow Discord. There is a lot of swearing and other unsuitable content . Chatting to strangers ?

Most likely he's been banned from a server set up by one of his friends because they've had a disagreement. This is essentially the teen equivalent of blocking someone on Facebook because you don't like what they are posting.
(This happens reasonably frequently amongst my DS's friends - they all have a huge argument and then generally just set up a new server and move onto it with a different group).

@Northernparent68

I’m not sure telling the op off is helpful.

She clearly doesn’t understand what her children are getting up to on the internet, so she obviously isn’t educated on how dangerous this can be for them.

So of course she needs to be told.

@emilyfrost

I share an account on tiktok with my youngest, so I can monitor everything from what they upload, to who they add as friend, to what messages they send.

Kakiweewee That isn’t what you should be worrying about on TikTok. You should be concerned about the content they have access to; it’s not just a dance/funny video app.

There are lots of videos of violence, abuse, inappropriate sexual videos, dangerous challenges, and you have absolutely no control over what your kids can see.

The algorithm will generally show them things they are interested in, but these videos can and do crop up and it only takes one to traumatise them. You can’t take it back once they’ve seen it.

I've put it on restricted mode, and I have their phone on parental controls so I can stop access to the app no matter where they are, like I did recently when there was a video going round of a suicide.

It's not perfect, but it's how I can protect them without completely forbidding them from using the apps they want to use. I know from experience that they have sneaky accounts if I ban things, so I'd rather watch over them than leave them out on their own.