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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Feeling worthless

11 replies

SadLove · 13/10/2020 23:41

I’m feeling so sad, I’ve recently split with my partner of just over 3 yrs. For the last few months I’ve felt like an option while he sees friends and drinks almost every night, then I get a slurred phone conversation before bed (we didn’t live together). I expected a bit more of a normal family lifestyle considering we’d been together so long, both in our early fifties and I have a child whilst he has a few grandchildren. I was looking forward to being a gran to them but he never seemed to want to spend time with them. I’d get a walk with him and maybe cook him a meal once or twice a week, after which he’d go back to his own place because he was so tired (he’s been working a lot lately - even though he doesn’t need the money at all). He never invited me to his because he was embarrassed about the state of his house, but never made an effort to change it. I thought he was the love of my life and he said I was his one true love, but now feel so let down by his lack of effort in our relationship and life in general and couldn’t take any more of the worthless feelings, i was noticing other couples doing nice things together while he was choosing a night on his own drinking at home or at friends. It just feels like such a waste of what I thought would be an amazing relationship because of everything else we had between us.

OP posts:
Smellbellina · 13/10/2020 23:42

YABU because he sounds like trash and you sound lovely, don’t sell yourself so short

SadLove · 13/10/2020 23:45

Oh thank you, he is a very loving person but just can’t get his act together 😡

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Veryverycalmnow · 13/10/2020 23:46

It sounds like you'll be better off without him. You deserve better.

SadLove · 13/10/2020 23:51

Thank you, I know that’s true, it got to the point where I didn’t want to see him at all, I’m still heartbroken it hasn’t worked though

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Leaannb · 13/10/2020 23:58

To an extent I feel like you had unrealistic expectations....Ylu wanted to be a gran to his grandchildren? You are not their gran. They jave grans. Its not you. You wanted a family lifestyle while you don't live together?

SadLove · 14/10/2020 00:05

Yes I understand they already have Grans but I was looking forward to being in their lives too, as he’d told me this is what would happen when they were born a few months ago. And I suppose we didn’t live together because he wouldn’t give up his daily drinking routine to spend time with me and my child so we were never progressing

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Leaannb · 14/10/2020 00:07

@SadLove

Yes I understand they already have Grans but I was looking forward to being in their lives too, as he’d told me this is what would happen when they were born a few months ago. And I suppose we didn’t live together because he wouldn’t give up his daily drinking routine to spend time with me and my child so we were never progressing
Your involvement with his grandchildren was not up to him to decide
Pumpkintopf · 14/10/2020 00:08

Stop making excuses for him. Have you read 'he's just not that into you'? Bluntly, as you have said, he valued his messy house and drinking, over spending time with you his 'one true love'. Do his actions support what he says? No. You were right to value yourself more highly than this. Good for you. Thanks

Smellbellina · 14/10/2020 00:09

he is a very loving person but just can’t get his act together
Well of course he is, if he wasn’t sometimes you wouldn’t stick around would you.

Redbirds · 14/10/2020 00:16

I don't think you had unrealistic expectations. You wanted to have a family life including his grandchildren but he was too selfish. Naturally you are sad and hurt but you've done the right thing, I hope you meet someone who values you as you deserve it.

SadLove · 14/10/2020 00:26

@Leaannb
Your involvement with his grandchildren was not up to him to decide

His children were more than happy for me to be in their kids lives, but I see now that I’d be having time with them while my partner was doing his own thing. Whilst I loved having that time with them it seems a bit strange that he didn’t want to

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