my son has been drinking what would you do .

[sensiblesometimes]

occasionally photoes that have been sent to him pop up on my google cloud , he was out on saturday with mates. Today a photo has popped up with him holding a bottle of wine with his mates, he was home by 9 pm was happy but didnt seem drunk . He is 15 yrs old . They were in the local park .
Should I:
Go ballistic and lecture him on dangers of boozing put firm boundaries in. place next time he is out .
2: keep.quite so that he dosent realise i see his pictures but put firm boundaries in place nxt time he goes out .

3 other ?

I know it's covid pandemic but they were outside in a group of 7

Wine wouldn’t bother me.

Being in a group of seven however would.

Ask him if he enjoyed the wine. See his reaction. Tell him your not happy but you want him safe. I still remember the parents we could go to for help growing up and the ones to avoid.

1. Other.

Have a talk ('so I know you're that age where you or those around you might start drinking...' ) and explain what to do if something goes wrong, he can always call you, what to do if he or a friend is sick, how it can affect judgement etc etc. Set your expectations.

@Ellovera2 exactly this

Let him know he can talk to you. Promote honesty, mature decision making and know he can come to you if things go wrong. He should respect the boundaries that you agree together over you going ballistic x

thankyou , great advice will do that chat and stay calm .

Drinking wine at 15 is really, really very common. I'd think more 15 year olds drink with their mates than don't drink (whether their parents will believe it or not) - and he wasn't drinking spirits.
Having worked as a teacher, the ones who are strictly stopped from drinking until they turn 18 are they greater worry. They go out at 18 with no tolerance and no understanding of alcohol and end up in hospital or worse. Ideally, you'd want a kid with no interest in alcohol until they're over 18 but you don't get to make that decision.

@LightTheFlameThrower

Wine wouldn’t bother me.

Being in a group of seven however would.

Really ?

My mum always bought me my alcohol and I’ll do the same when my kids are teenagers.
They’re 15, going to drink either way, so would rather buy them a bottle of wine to share with their friend or some alcopops than them steal from an adult or stand outside a shop for some weirdo to buy them vodka.
I think definitely keep cool, maybe mention it to him and if you’re unimpressed let him know. But definitely no ott reaction.

Yes 3 talk to him. It wont be that long til he can drink legally and it's much better he is informed rather than naive.

Tbh if hes been out with mates with drink around and came home on time and not obviously drunk its a sign he's got a level head about this.

I spent a lot of time drinking in parks at 15 and I feel mortified that the kids of today don’t get to do it in secret. My parents would probably not have coped very well if they’d known half the stuff I got up to but luckily I didn’t get into any real trouble. Maybe just keep an eye on his behaviour generally? Drinking wine isn’t the issue (IMO), it’s the outcome of what he does when/after he’s drunk. The benefit of keeping quiet is that he he won’t try and hide any photos going forward so you should be able to keep an eye on him on the sly.

I’d worry about them sharing a bottle more than meeting in a group of seven...

I let my teens take alcohol to he local park. I’d rather they drank cider from me than spirits from someone’s older sibling. I trust them. I also make sure they have disposable cups and lecture them about social distancing etc!

Personally I wouldn’t go ballistic as I my friends and I were doing the same at his age! Well, not drinking at parks, but at house parties/prees before going out/sleepovers etc - but I suppose with COVID teenagers can’t do that right now. My friends and I are all normal adults now btw!

A bottle of wine shared between a group of 7 won’t make anyone paralytic, it could be worse. But it’s always worth reminding him that he needs to be safe and responsible. Drinking in a park could easily go wrong if he does take it too far and eg finds it difficult to make it home or his mates wonder off etc.

I would rather he drank at home than in the park. Can be dangerous.

A school friend was raped in our local park after getting very drunk. Her parents found her unconscious and undressed the next morning.

Talk to him, be sure he is being sensible and staying safe.

I was drinking at his age, but in friends houses. We were warned about drinking in public places.

Wander off*

Lots of mistakes in my last post!

I would ignore it. If he wasn't drunk, no harm done. Don't really see what there is to talk about, he is going to be exposed to alcohol sooner or later.

Have you discussed alcohol before? What sort of drinking is being modelled at home?

I wouldn't make a big deal of it if he wasn't drunk. I try to be fairly relaxed with my teens - will buy a couple of cans of cider for them if they're going to a party. My parents approach was v different so I would steal or buy bottles of spirits which we drank straight from the bottle. My friends and I were regularly v drunk and out of control. I talk to my two about drinking, about taking it slowly and how it can affect you if you drink quickly. Also, have always said to call me if anyone gets ill...

Drinking in the park at that age is pretty much a rite of passage.

@ViciousJackdaw

Drinking in the park at that age is pretty much a rite of passage.

True.

It’s better from them to lightly experiment with their friends whilst they’re still at home under your supervision, instead of later in life. There were SO many people at my university halls who went WILD at uni after living sheltered lives back at home. It doesn’t always end well as they don’t know their limits or can place themselves in a vulnerable situation, they can’t rely on people they’ve known for 5 minutes to look after them all night.

Other.

Remind him how to keep safe; that he can call you whenever he needs help; to eat before he goes out; not to overdo it.

Practical stuff.

I never drank in the park or without my parents knowledge. If I wanted a drink I drank at home with my parents supervision. Same with my own kids, 13 & 14. They can have one or two in the house on occasion and are never out after dark. My 14yo has a classmate who was treated for alcohol addiction last year after regularly drinking vodka in the local park.

I think you should mention to him that you saw the photo and talk to him about what happened. Not in a cross way, just in a way so that he can see he can talk to you about stuff. Drinking at 15 is no big deal really. If you make it a big deal he’s much more likely to get completely hammered in secret. Consider yourself lucky it wasn’t drugs.

Tell him not to drink in a park for a start. That's why they're ruined for children who use them, broken glass etc. Not saying he's bad, i'm sure he's lovely. I'd be fine with him drinking at mine or his friends houses, but not outside. Just a little talk on drinking safely and he'll be fine.

Definitely keep cool and reassure him that he can come to you if he ever needs help in a situation like this. I had friends growing up who were completely forbidden from drinking who then went loopy when they turned 18!

My mother had to pick me up one night when I was a teen because I got too drunk at a party. She wasn’t happy but she didn’t yell, and told me that all she wanted was for me to be safe. Looking back now I appreciate her emphasis on honesty, and not being afraid to ask for help if I’d done something stupid. We have a great relationship now and I barely ever drink!

I feel sorry for kids today, drinking in the park on a cold night; at that age, we were in the pub and no questions asked.