Foetal Alcohol Syndrome?

[OatBaker]

DM is a heavy drinker and has been for as long as I can remember - although, like most addicts, she won't admit this and her drinking is a taboo topic that no one ever discusses. For as long as I can remember, she's been saying "I didn't used to drink when...". Recently, it's been "I didn't used to drink when you lived at home"(she did) and when I was at home it was "I didn't used to drink when you were little" ...and so on...
A friend of mine was a nurse and has just become a teacher. She mentioned to me that when she was working in the school's student support area one day, she noticed just how many of the children there had the facial symptoms of foetal alcohol syndrome (she used to work in a clinic for alcoholic and drug using pregnant women and babies). Prior to this conversation, I didn't know that there was a face-type and knew very little other than that you shouldn't drink heavily in pregnancy (if at all).
Having looked up the face type, I think I have it. I have the train track ears, upturned nose and sunken bridge, thin upper lip etc. My older siblings don't have these - no one else in my family has an upturned nose or thin upper lip (I haven't inspected their ears!).
I'm now starting to worry because I do have anxiety and have really considered whether I have ADHD.
Could I have had (mild) foetal alcohol syndrome this whole time and not know?

There are probably many adults out there who have a degree of it without knowing. The facial features only are present if the woman drinks in the first few weeks, but as that is peak sickness time, then many don't have the typical features. The main issues really are if the mother continues to drink later on as that can cause the learning/ concentration/ difficulty with planning etc issues.
I'm not sure about adults and FASD diagnosis, but if you are getting ADHD symptoms that are affecting your daily life, then that is an easier part to address and treat - there are adult ADHD clinics, and the medications used are helpful in concentration issues related to alcohol.

@MadauntofA

There are probably many adults out there who have a degree of it without knowing. The facial features only are present if the woman drinks in the first few weeks, but as that is peak sickness time, then many don't have the typical features. The main issues really are if the mother continues to drink later on as that can cause the learning/ concentration/ difficulty with planning etc issues. I'm not sure about adults and FASD diagnosis, but if you are getting ADHD symptoms that are affecting your daily life, then that is an easier part to address and treat - there are adult ADHD clinics, and the medications used are helpful in concentration issues related to alcohol.

Thank you - this is helpful. It's reassuring to know that the facial features develop early on - so perhaps she didn't know she was pregnant. I just think that if she did drink how she usually does during her pregnancy will me then it'd be hard to forgive. Unfortunately, I can't seek any official medical advice because DH and I are currently trying to adopt and adoption agencies will look for any reason to reject adopters. If I went to my doctor about anything until we are matched, they'd definitely just pull the plug on any adoption. I've managed to get this far without a diagnosis or help so I should cope just fine.

The degree of severity of the syndrome varies widely from person to person depending on so many factors. There are even children who have it when the mother drank a little bit, she didn't need to have been drunk to cause this effect on the baby necessarily, though the risk is obviously higher if her use of alcohol was higher.
It is possible you have a mild version of it and for this to not have been noticed.
I'm sorry you are finding yourself in the position of questioning it, but if you find the is some truth in your concerns I hope it leads you to being able to know yourself better and able to manage your life and self the better for the understanding.

Good luck on your adoption journey- you are likely to have a session on FASD in children which might be quite difficult to hear if you have anxiety as they tend to present the "warts and all" version so you are going into it with your eyes wide open.
Have a think about how you function though - if there are areas you struggle with, do look for some help, as the whole journey can be quite stressful let alone when a child is placed, so you need to be in a good position to start with. One of the most important things your social worker will be looking forward is you being open and honest, and working well with professionals.

I wouldn't assume that a diagnosis of FASD would prevent you from adopting. Also, once you've had your adoption medical, it should be 'safe' to ask for more advice from your GP as it's incredibly unusual for agencies to request they be updated.

As far as I'm aware, getting a diagnosis can be quite difficult as it involves the parents being honest about their alcohol intake although I know that the damage done can show up on brain scans if it is severe enough.

There are various Facebook groups and online forums dedicated to supporting both those diagnosed with the condition and their families.

It would be impossible to diagnose now as the doctor diagnosing would have to evidence alcohol exposure during pregnancy, which is tricky for adults.

I imagine that there are a lot of people with undiagnosed FAS. It is a sliding scale disorder and it is possible to have partial fetal alcohol syndrome, alcohol related neurodevelopmental disorder or alcohol related birth defects without having the full FAS diagnosis.

I can understand wanting to understand your past, but in reality you have to manage the situation you are in now, and seek help if you need it for the symptoms you see now.

OP, I work with looked after and adopted children and there are a lot of estimates in regards to the percentage of these children who have FAS or have parents who used drugs in-utero. Most are very high.
FAS is still a relatively new (unresearched) area. Even now very few medical professionals feel confident diagnosing or giving evidence in court to say a parent caused FAS.
You talk about the facial features but the really difficulties are the behaviours caused by adult alcohol use during stages of pregnancy. I work in a major city with a FAS clinic so we are lucky, a specialist nurse explained it as the brain not being wired up properly and this is physical not the fault of the young person. It happened in the womb and for loads of the kids I work with this does not become apparent until they start school.
I think you have the potential to be an amazing adoptor. Just be honest, the children we place for adoption these days are in reality children who are damaged and have really not have had happy start. The adoption assessment is gruelling and it needs to be but (disclaimer I work on the other side as a children's SW) no one is looking for perfect. We are looking for in it forever, realistic and a parent.