That's enough now please

[Yipitsme]

I feel like I've had enough of life.nothing good or joyful has happened to me for over a decade and I've found myself nearing midlife very unhappy. My child is disabled and that makes life hard enough but with all the restrictions of this year even the simplest of things are becoming too much effort and pointless. I find myself constantly trying to smile and laugh just so I can remember the person I used to be.all I hear is people making plans for holidays parties gatherings stuff they are looking forward to for when this ends, my life wont change, I'm imprisoned in my life with my child who will never mentally grow up.
My friends and family have all fell away over the years
There genuinely is no point.
I wish I could go to sleep and not wake up.
Before anyone says yes I have depression, yes I have medication for it.yes I have the minimal help from SS.no I dont want to just dump him in a residential school home or give him away.

Someone tell me what's the point

Oh my goodness I wish I had an answer for you I really do. Your life sounds tough enough without all the covid restrictions in place.
I would urge you to seek help tho from GP or social services. Are there any support groups near you for parents in your position? On line support even.
I'm so sad that you find yourself with no family or friends to turn to. Please seek support from someone tho tell them how low you are feeling.
I realise this isn't if any great help I just didnt want to read and run. People do care and I hope you find the support and friendship you and your child need and deserve.

@Thedogscollar thank you. My family and friends dont care ,they dont help me,so why would anyone else?
Gp is useless if I ever can get through

Would you be able to get respite care for your child even if just for a few days, to give you a break so that you can start to find yourself again? Are you at home on your own with your child or do you have a partner who can help?

@HotGlueGun no it's not an option. Home on my own due to Dh working. Yes he helps alot

I was also going to suggest respite if you don’t have a partner to give you a break (or even if you do). I work in local government and there are different ways to do respite. It might be an overnight stay but could just be a few hours - perhaps taking DS to an activity Or a walk and then for McDs. You need to find a little time for yourself. Also talk again to your GP. Talking to someone may help too.

Does your child have a place at school? Do you get any time without them? I know that will not lessen the mental load, the difficulty and the foreverness of it but I wondered if you ever have time for yourself and if there is something you could do in that time to help you. For me it was running but for you it could be writing, yoga, meditation, reading, or whatever. Just something you find that has a positive effect on your mental health.

Sorry it's shit and it's totally unfair. You sound like a hero to me but you shouldn't have to be.

@Yipitsme
You can volunteer yourself to social services for help. They are there to help people in your situation.
Please, please don't give up. Yes life can be really shitty and right now more than ever for an awful lot of people.
Reach out for that help. You have reached out here and that is great, it's a sign you want help and are ready to be helped. Maybe someone can offer more advice on what social services can do for you. Carers need to be cared for too so don't be so hard on yourself.

I find myself not getting dressed anymore, not brushing my hair some days,finding an excuse not to leave the house even for shopping. I dont feel like talking to anyone or seeing anyone.i feel like sleeping all the time as its the only time I dont need to think about how rubbish it is.

I have SS help,its minimal as it's all that's on offer.few hours a week.

A lot of posts like this recently. Its a wake up call for me reading them. I moan, but my life is a hundred times less complicated than yours. I wish I could say something helpful, but I can’t think of anything that will make life better for you. All you can do is make sure you have time for yourself. Every day. Even if just for an hour. Having a disabled child must consume every aspect of your life, and I can’t see a way of you being able to change that, other than you putting time aside for you.

@Livelovebehappy thank you.thing is there is no me time even when hes away for a couple of hours I sit totally exhausted and it takes everything in me not to run away.

How badly disabled is your child? Do they recognise you, smile, laugh, get enjoyment out of life?

@LaurieFairyCake very disabled
He doesn't know me.he smiles but not in context it's more like a reflex.

Then I urge you to reconsider a residential school. I've just literally taken a client through every feeling associated with this.
What swung them was the dedication of the staff and seeing their child be ok there.

You don't have to do this for all of your life. You're trading your life for theirs - and they don't have the understanding you do