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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

No thank you for anniversary card and money

17 replies

BigMC93 · 12/10/2020 21:03

So basically, my partner and I gave his sister and BIL a card and some money for their first wedding anniversary 2 weeks ago. They have been up to visit us since, and we've texted back and forth about numerous things since also. However, not once did they acknowledge the card and money that we sent to them.

Yesterday I texted them to confirm they received the money and card, and the response from his sister was "Yes thanks, mum and dad left it down :)" from his sister, and no "thanks" from his BIL.

AIBU in thinking this is just rude? Or is it reasonable for them to say nothing, as they're family?

OP posts:
Nikhedonia · 12/10/2020 21:05

It is a bit rude, they possibly just forgot.

redcarbluecar · 12/10/2020 21:06

I think that’s extremely rude. I can never understand people not saying thanks for a gift.

Howlooseisyourgoose · 12/10/2020 21:10

YANBU, very rude. Do they give you presents?

waitforitwaitforit · 12/10/2020 21:11

That is rude. I'd have been surprised to receive money as an anniversary present though. A card is nice, but maybe they were surprised to receive a monetary gift and didn't know how to respond.

katy1213 · 12/10/2020 21:12

Very rude. But why are you giving them money, or indeed any kind of anniversary present? Surely couples give to each other and that's an end to it.
I wouldn't bother for Christmas!

timetest · 12/10/2020 21:13

8Is it normal in your family to give anniversary cards and presents. They might have been surprised by it and not known how to respond.

Original poster
BigMC93 · 12/10/2020 21:14

Yes they do. We got engaged in May and it's family custom to give a card at the very least, along with a gift (obviously providing people can afford it, of course!). Everyone else got us cards and money, and they got us nothing. But then in July we moved into a house and they sent us £500 for moving in, which was absolutely incredible and so helpful. We showed plenty of gratitude to them for the generosity, which more than made up for the lack of engagement gift! Lol

OP posts:
Original poster
BigMC93 · 12/10/2020 21:17

His mum and dad were giving them gifts, and we explained to his parents that we would send them something for their first anniversary, but no more than that as it's a lot given that we get them for Christmas and birthdays too.

OP posts:
Ohtherewearethen · 12/10/2020 21:19

I don't understand the comments about being surprised so not knowing how to respond. Surely one of the first things you are taught as a child is to say thank you when someone gives you a gift? Do you really believe that two adults would be scratching their heads trying to work out how on earth to respond to being given a gift? If you were in any doubt surely you'd be able to come up with the notion of saying thankyou. Failing that, they could have googled it! The only reasonable excuse is that they are just extremely, awfully rude.

LadyCatStark · 12/10/2020 21:19

YANBU to expect a thank you but really, why are you all sending each other gifts for every tiny occasion? How do you even remember it all?

dontgobaconmyheart · 12/10/2020 21:25

Totting up the financial losses and gratitude given or not sounds exhausting tbh OP. I appreciate you are saying it's family tradition but obviously there are no clear rules here or they would have also sent a large cash sum on your engagement?

I don't think a first wedding anniversary warrants more than a card, nor does an engagement.

Ultimately she has said thanks, when you've asked her if she received it, your OP says so. Perhaps she and he are also at home totting up money given vs received and wondering why they didn't get 500 quid for a life event if that's what they gave you for one of yours! It's poor manners to not say thank you at least in passing but what can you do really. Not the end of the world.

Original poster
BigMC93 · 12/10/2020 21:29

@dontgobaconmyheart We gave them £500 for their wedding actually.....

OP posts:
LockdownLump · 12/10/2020 21:29

They should have texted a thank you, but it sounds like there are gifts and cards flying round everywhere!!

An engagement gift? Is that a thing?

Seems like a lot to remember and could be a cause of a lot of resentment between family members when they don't adhere to the rules of gift giving. Their £500 moving in gift made up for their 'lack of engagement present'. That's obviously stuck in your mind.

Howlooseisyourgoose · 12/10/2020 21:32

Totting up the financial losses and gratitude given or not sounds exhausting tbh OP.

That’s not fair, dontgobacon , OP didn’t mention amounts, it’s only when I asked if they give OP presents that she mentioned their generous gift of £500.

Krazynights34 · 12/10/2020 22:10

Sounds like the £500 was being returned.., sorry if that’s not helpful..
Do you generally get on?

raddledoldmisanthropist · 12/10/2020 22:13

I don't understand why both the sister and BiL need to say thank you?

They clearly forgot to say it, you reminded them, she said it- not sure what else is needed.

I tend to give gifts because I want to. Like PP I would also find noticing whether I've been thanked exhausting.

MinesAPintOfTea · 12/10/2020 22:22

Maybe they are having marital difficulties and it caused them discomfort

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