To move nearer better school

[Turefu]

Hello.
I live with my DH and eight years old DS in semi-rural area, in the house , which used to belong to his parents. He's been living here whole his life. Area is nice, but not much job opportunities here and local secondary school is inadequate and it's been for a while. DS is smart child and I want him to go to good school. There's no way I send him to this local one. However, the next nearest one is 12 miles away , good, but not great and buses are very limited. I'm bank customer assistant and I'm not sure how long our branch will be open. I want to move nearer good school and where job opportunities are better. DH won't even discuss idea. He gets miffed when I'm starting this subject. When I'm asking, what about son's school, he says "He's bright, he'll manage in any school" and my job "you'll be fine". I'm thinking about taking son and moving , while DS stays put and we'll see each other during weekends. It'll be hard financially, but I don't see other way. AIBU?

Honestly. Looks like you don't want the same things. If the nearest school is truly awful then my child and his education comes first. He either comes with you or you end the relationship imo. I wouldn't be living between places if he isn't willing to put his child first

I think it's a bad sign when someone wont even discuss things like this. Saying 'you'll be fine' is really dismissive.
For a decent school instead of a shit one, and more job prospects then yes I'd move.
Be aware though that if it's a really good school area you want to move to, unless you are separated, you are not going to be able to rent a second house or flat in a good catchment area. The popular ones make you give proof you've rented out or sold your other house before considering you as living in their catchment.

Be aware though that if it's a really good school area you want to move to, unless you are separated, you are not going to be able to rent a second house or flat in a good catchment area. The popular ones make you give proof you've rented out or sold your other house before considering you as living in their catchment.

Is that true? I didn't know :( That's make things more difficult. DH won't sell house, he sees it as family home. I don't want to sell this house, just move to other area. Rent a house there. If we'd move there together , we could try to buy second home, smaller then we've got now, but we could keep it as investment for retirement. He just won't talk about it, as he's happy here.

OP all schools popular or not ask for a council tax bill to prove you live at the address you said after you have been accepted. I have never heard of needing proof of rent or selling a house. As long as you are living in a house with your name on the council tax bill then you are fine. Your other house is irrelevant especially as you won't be living there anyway. Loads of people sleep somewhere else at the weekend but the main residence would be your new place

Thank you for replies. Deep down I don't want to do it, I want all three of us to move to other place , as family. But DH won't even talk about it. I'm scared, how it'll affect us. In the same time I don't want to stay here and I know I'll regret not moving.

Op we are planning to move when my eldest is due to apply for secondary. That's the plan. To be honest it's what I want to do and do agrees as his education is more important than the house. By then all mine will be in the same primary school and can move knowing they can go to the secondary school we want. If he is half as worried about your DC's education than you are then he would follow you. Just out of curiosity how did he do at school. As it may be swaying his mind?

Hi Laughingcrow. My DH didn't do well at school at all, I've done much better. He's not career orientated , he's happy at his job, but doesn't seek better opportunities, promotion , so on. He's very proud of our son though, likes to show off DS's maths skills (he's really good at maths, this it his strongest subject).
I also think about myself. Area we live in, nice as it is, doesn't offer much work wise. I want to go into accounting, I'm doing AAT level 3 now.

Do it - this is for your son, your son’s future. Your husband is being lazy because clearly he has it easy with arrangements as such. Even not discussing things with you is appalling - aren’t you a team?

^^ were are hopefully moving after the 11+ because I feel that’s where my children need to be school-wise. My husband is willing to discuss and when the time comes we will decide together.

Well there we go then education just isn't important to your DH and he just gets by and got.lucky that his parents left him a house. He is lazy. Teach your son to be the opposite and go get him the education he deserves.

We still got a mortgage on the house, as he has siblings, but it’s small amount. I guess that’s true, he had his happy life here, within family, which I admit, are nice people. He’s good dad to our son. I think if I take our son , he’ll follow us, as he doesn’t want to loose boy. I’m just not sure, how it affect our marriage. I’d prefer if he moved willingly , but it’s not going to happen. And yes, I’m thinking about myself too. It would be easier for me to find good job in bigger place.

You need to have more conversations about it. Show him how much you would get for the house
What houses are like in the area you want. Etc. One conversation isn't enough. Maybe speak to his siblings too?

I can see how he would be reluctant to leave his family home if you are all comfortable there, it's not like just moving area and moving back later. Would renting your current home be an option ? Obviously your sons education is important.

Is commuting to school and work really that difficult? I think you def need to discuss your options.....

There's no way he's going to agree to sell the house. He's emotionally attached to it and I get it. There're some good schools in near city , about 15 miles away, but all oversubscribed and won't accept someone outside area. There's one bus from our town to the city, once per hour and it's only goes to the near center . Even if son would get place in the chosen school, it means realistically an hour or so traveling one way. It's too much for 11 years old.

Rather than waste money on renting somewhere else could you use it to fund private education for your son.

When you are qualified then you may find that the job could be done working from home.

This would mean not breaking up the family.

I thought about private school, but it's expensive option and I won't be earning lots for a while, once I'll qualify. I don't have accounting experience yet, I want find a job in this industry.