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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU to expect DD to go to her Dad’s?

28 replies

Lockdownlurker · 12/10/2020 17:08

DD is having to self-isolate due to someone in her class bubble testing positive for COVID.

My ex & I share her care 50:50.

AIBU to expect her to continue the child arrangements whilst isolating?

The rest of the family do not need to isolate.

OP posts:
IceCreamAndCandyfloss · 12/10/2020 17:11

I don’t see the point in risking two households. Surely it’s better for her to remain home for the two weeks than potentially infect both parents.

Willyoujustbequiet · 12/10/2020 17:14

Why would you risk others?

Kidssendingmenuts · 12/10/2020 17:15

The rules are they have to self isolate at home for 14 days and not mix households. By going to her dads she will be maxing households so I'm sorry but yes it would be wrong

Kidssendingmenuts · 12/10/2020 17:15

Mixing even!

luckylavender · 12/10/2020 17:16

No she can't move house when she's self isolating. The clue is in the name.

DontTouchTheMoustache · 12/10/2020 17:21

YABU I think you are getting confused with the rules over lockdown where children were allowed to maintain contact but it's always been the case that contact should stop if self isolating due to risk of covid

marmite79 · 12/10/2020 18:16

No she should stay in one house. I know she doesn’t have symptoms but she could be incubating it or asymptomatic and risking spreading it around.

Mintjulia · 12/10/2020 18:28

Agree, can't see the need to risk two households.

TheNortherner · 12/10/2020 18:47

It's not seen as being two households though children goig between their parents and when you work around the times you have/dont have your children it is a massive burden in terms of amount of work and how it affects perception within your job for one person...and usually it is always the same person and usually i would bet the female. It's happened to me this weekend, not my weekend to have them (and only.one is.self isolating) but he failed to pick them up from school on purpose. So for me YANBU.

NailsNeedDoing · 12/10/2020 18:51

Your dd hasn’t even git symptoms, she’s only isolating because of a school bubble closure, so of course 50/50 care should continue.

During the full lockdown it was still considered reasonable for children to go between their two parents homes, I can’t see how this is any different as there are no symptoms and neither of you have had a positive test.

Stantons · 12/10/2020 18:52

Yabu you are supposed to stay at home. Why risk 2 houses?

Howlooseisyourgoose · 12/10/2020 18:56

I think it depends. Who is best placed to have dd? e.g. if you WFH wouldn't it be better for dd to stay with you?

OverTheRainbow88 · 12/10/2020 19:01

Yabu

lunar1 · 12/10/2020 19:10

She needs to stay in the home where the isolation began.

carly2803 · 12/10/2020 19:17

she needsto stay in 1 household

common sense surely rather than a court order or what happens normally?!

Takeoutyourhen · 12/10/2020 19:20

If one parent was WFH and the other was not and self-isolation days always landed on the non-WFH parent’s days they would be stuffed.

PotteringAlong · 12/10/2020 19:22

If one parent was WFH and the other was not and self-isolation days always landed on the non-WFH parent’s days they would be stuffed.

Well yes. My child is currently self isolating. Me and DH are both teachers. We are stuffed but get on with it because it’s the rules.

You cannot leave the house for 2 weeks when self isolating so she stays in one place.

Takeoutyourhen · 12/10/2020 19:33

My sympathies @PotteringAlong I’ve been in the same boat twice in 4 weeks now until a test result came back negative. My kids school have said that only the pupil needs to isolate if the bubble closes and life goes on for the rest of the household which really does make a one-parent household tricky - some have gone a step further with threatening out of school liaison visits if the family don’t bring a non-isolating sibling to school thereby breaching the isolation rules. Which is of course totally bonkers!

Howlooseisyourgoose · 12/10/2020 19:35

@PotteringAlong

If one parent was WFH and the other was not and self-isolation days always landed on the non-WFH parent’s days they would be stuffed.

Well yes. My child is currently self isolating. Me and DH are both teachers. We are stuffed but get on with it because it’s the rules.

You cannot leave the house for 2 weeks when self isolating so she stays in one place.

But there’s 2 of you. Maybe OP or his ex are single parents?
JagerPlease · 12/10/2020 19:35

If you're 50/50, I would keep the arrangement. Risk doesn't randomly apply only to the household that a child happened to be in on the day they were notified of the positive contact. Plus moving between homes was always allowed for children, including when self isolating.

If my DS got sent home in the same situation 50/50 would definitely continue as (appreciating your child might be older and so less of an issue) it would be completely unfair for one single parent household to suddenly be unable to work when the other carried on as normal

Thatnameistaken · 12/10/2020 20:03

My o/h works in the public health field, he says children sent home in these circumstances can still go between their parents homes.

Planty13 · 12/10/2020 20:10

Common sense says she stays in the household she was in when she started isolating surely?

Wibblypiggly · 12/10/2020 20:19

Crumbs. People still really don’t understand what ‘self isolating’ means, do they?

Jenstar123 · 12/10/2020 20:50

YABU
Do you not understand what self isolate means? It has nothing to do with your 50/50 child arrangements with your ex.
You sound like your more bothered about getting rid of your DD to her Dads the way you have worded the title that you still ‘expect’ her to still go to her Dads.

JagerPlease · 12/10/2020 21:28

I assume a lot of people on this thread don't share custody of a child or aren't aware of how that has worked for the last 6 months, but the position under the rules has always been that a child, even one that is self isolating, can move between their parents houses. So OP has been completely reasonable to ask the question.