How do I say no without sounding uncaring (MLM)

[ashton38]

It's my friends birthday soon and we've all clubbed together to buy her a bag that she wants. There's an amount of money left over and we are suggesting what to buy her as an extra.
One friend, who is passionately and heavily involved with an MLM company has suggested we buy her one of her products and use her discount.
I'm so against MLMs. I hate them with a passion and have seen other friends lose a great deal of money via these schemes, and others losing friends due to their persistent selling techniques/spamming and pressure. We are not, and should never be thought of as potential clients to these "huns". I firmly believe that saying no, and being honest, ( producing evidence and literature to support the case) is the moral thing to do in the long run.
I've not responded yet to the suggestion of one of these products. Not quite sure how the birthday girl will feel. But some of the others I know will be of the opinion that I am being mean not supporting our mutual friend in her new business. I'm not sure they are fully aware of how awful MLMs are and will just think I'm nasty and unsupportive. Am I ?
How can I turn her down without going into a whole spiel in the group chat re why I'm so opposed to being forced to support the MLM?
Or should i just say nothing and hand over the money?

I remember there was a post earlier on in the summer from someone who was on the receiving end of such a gift...

I'd be livid if i received mlm shit from my friends...dont do it op....take a stand against these mlm scams.

@raddledoldmisanthropist

"I would personally prefer we buy [product X] instead. I would not like to buy from [evil bastards Y] for ethical reasons"

When your victim-friend asks what you mean just breezily say that you don't want to bore everyone but you'll catch her up at some point when you see her.

Not the time for honesty.

I genuinely don't understand how people manage this, it would make the back of my eyeballs itch.

this is a good option there are some serious issues here, and opens the possibility for a conversation with eth victim-friend whatever it is they are selling I am sure you could think of something more welcome- what about a book token- if it's just an extra thing

Is there anything that goes with bag that you can afford with left over, e.g. matching wallet or key ring? That way you could say something like "I'm sure that would be nice, but this goes with the bag so I think it would be better to get them together"

Definitely come up with an alternative that you know she'd like and suggest that. If you shoot down the MLM without offering something else, you will probably end up with people thinking you're unreasonable even though you aren't.

I am very anti MLM and while I'd love to support you telling them how shit they all are, I'm not sure taking this opportunity to do so will be appreciated right now.

I hate how MLMs prey on this, though. They know people don't want to be rude and will likely just go along to 'support' a friend's 'business' (it's not her business, she's almost certainly one of the 99% percent of MLM sellers who are out of pocket to the company, which itself is in the business of getting more people to shill their products). I dislike your friend for even trying to hijack this moment for her own gain but I've no doubt she's desperate.

This is a tough one. I think for me it would depend on which MLM. I wouldn't if it's make up, aloe, juice plus, Herbalife etc. If it's body shop or Avon I'd possibly if I knew my friend liked that kind of stuff. I'd hate the whole idea though.

Could birthday girl receive the bag and the remainder as spending money for something she might want? It would be dreadful to have to re-gift MLM products, and I’m presuming not all of you in the group would be delighted to get them as a re-gift!

I would suggest a boots or Waterstones voucher instead and let everyone vote.

(But everyone knows I hate MLMs)

What's the MLM shilling and how particular is the person you're buying for/how well do you know what she likes?

Because I'd probably say "thanks mlm friend but I know birthday friend only uses x/y/z perfume, lippy, candles and anything else would be a waste of time and our money". Repeat every time she tries to hijack a group gift & make damn sure someone stands up to her when you're the recipient.

There was a thread on here recently where someone who usually organised lovely group funded treats got fobbed off with a tropic basket. There's a reason my girls & I only club together for big 0 birthdays and only buy jewellery by agreement.

Just suggest something else and go with majority.

What is up with all these OPs not coming back to their threads? Total waste of time. 😤

@Howlooseisyourgoose I'm here! Just nothing to report really... the others in the group have said " yes! Good idea"
I'm deliberating replying saying " I don't agree with MLMs. I'm morally opposed to them, so I can't support the suggestion. Sorry.
Or I can just say nothing, which speaks volumes. They all know my feelings already.
Aghh... Think I'll just have to go along with the majority and clock this one up to maintaining my friendships and not hurting anyone's feelings.

Thanks for the update, OP!

Probably too late, but next time a speedy reply saying along the lines of 'sounds good, or I know she's really into gin/bubble bath/insert alternative that you know birthday person actually likes. It's difficult because if she likes that type of product you probably need to go along but if not it's easier to suggest something else.

I think your MLM friend is a CFer to suggest it but then they're all so desperate for sales they would sell their grandmothers' kidneys if it meant a sale.

Even if you go with the majority I think you should make your feelings known.

Say nl. There is no "her business" to support anyway....

What I meant was still say no. Stand by your morals. I would. Eventually others will se it too.

I think that boat has already sailed if the others have piled in. Everyone knows your feelings, save the friendships, go with the crap MLM gift. I'd say personal expenditure is the time to make moral stands.

Good on you for opposing it, but try to come in with an alternative suggestion too.