to be twitching and murderous

[adreamoftoastedtonsils]

I know I am a bit u. But grrrrrrrrrrrrrrr
(nc'd as much bitchier than my usual persona)

I live in a shared house. Some of our kitchen utensils are shared. Some are not. We have communal cupboard space, and we have cupboard space that is earmarked for one person. I really like cooking and baking and have acquired some quite good stuff. I put some of this into communal circulation but some of it I keep separate (just as everyone else has implements they keep separate) in a drawer that everyone knows is mine. I keep it clean and looked after, and make an effort to make sure these things are always put away asap so they are there whenever I want them.

Tonight my flatmate had his girlfriend over to cook dinner for him. I came down to the kitchen to find her using all of MY stuff. I swallowed my territorial rage as I very much doubt she deliberately went for my stuff - I imagine she just opened the first drawer to hand - and while I wish flatmate had told her to use his stuff, not mine, I didn't want to ruin their date by getting the hump.

But he hasn't washed up! She has been gone for hours and he has just fucked off the play video games in his room! My stuff is in a huge, filthy pile on the kitchen counter! It is horrible! They haven't even scraped vegetable peelings into the bin - they're just left to rot on my good chopping board! There is weird sauce on my nice grater! My good saucepan is in the sink "soaking" in a mix of filthy water and something pale green and bitty!

And to add insult to injury, they have between them polished off nearly all of the caramel squares I made only yesterday. I made a whole tinful!

Part of me recognises that I am being a bit precious. They are only things. This is what happens in a shared house. I hope am sure he will wash up in the morning.

But aibu to be fantasising about force-feeding him his bloody playstation?

Get him told!

Knock on his door and tell him this "I noticed your girlfriend used my things to cook tonight...I didn't say anything as I didn't want to ruin your date but you've left them all wet and dirty and I'd like them back please. So can you wash them up now or they'll go rusty/get damaged."

Follow Fortune's very good advice.

I've only clicked on YABU because you don't appear to have said anything to him??

I know it's late but if he can play video games he can wash up now.

@FortunesFave

Knock on his door and tell him this "I noticed your girlfriend used my things to cook tonight...I didn't say anything as I didn't want to ruin your date but you've left them all wet and dirty and I'd like them back please. So can you wash them up now or they'll go rusty/get damaged."

Very good advice!!

It’s mean of them to have eaten all your caramel squares as well. That would piss me off royally.

I’d add to the excellent comment above:

‘And I’ve left out the recipe for the caramel squares you polished off, so if you could refill my tin before xx night, that’d be good. Thanks.’

(I get the rage about my ‘good’ things being used carelessly, and that’s with my own family members!)

Can you not leave all the stuff his g/f used outside his door, so he will fall over them in the night.

Adding to the above “And I’m concerned all the caramel squares are gone. They had extra laxatives in them, hope you don’t get the raging squits”

You are being much too nice. I would shove his Playstation up a place where the sun doesn't shine. Put name signs in the drawer and hate him with a passion.

Or you could take the civilized approach as pp suggest, but for god sakes do something woman .

Personally I wouldn't have left good equipment in the kitchen - too many years of flatsharing in my youth taught me to protect my stuff! I'd store it in a crate in the bedroom well away from him or anyone else.

And yes get him told!

If he's awake anyway he can get off his arse and clean your things and apologise and offer compensation for the caramel squares - there's a reason why people in flatshares label their food!

Nope, not cool at all, I would not be happy with that!

I'd have to be really passive-agressive and say something like "Oh, I'm so looking forward to taking those caramel squares I baked to the Childrens Hospice tomorrow - little Timmy requested them as his treat for what's going to be... sob... his last birthday..." Or is that a bit too much...?

Perhaps you could just point him in the right direction by washing up his Playstation?

People messing with my decent kitchen kit makes me murderous too OP! My DH used to ‘borrow’ my kitchen knives to open boxes etc. until we had the ‘seriously, if you do that again there will be a stabbing’ conversation.

Your flatmate also owes you an enormous box of caramels! I’m fond of the Prestat caramel truffles if you need any ideas...

When I liven in a shared house, one blok3 repeatedly didn't do the dishes so we took them upstairs and put them in his bed.

YANBU, this is super annoying flat share behaviour.

Is there anyway you can rig up something in the drawer or cupboard which if opened then spills out everywhere or pops out causing a big mess and should guarantee it never happens again?!
I’m sure I saw something on a TV programme once, it might have been a medicine cabinet which had a little sign on saying ‘private do not open‘, of course some nosy sod opened it and out spilled a load of marbles if I remember rightly. Just a thought!

Tonight my flatmate had his girlfriend over to cook dinner for him.

Why doesn't he cook? I must admit, I'd be dumping a bloke sharpish if he was inviting me to his place and expecting me to cook.

So, I hope by now you've told him to wash your stuff, and also to replace the caramel squares.

Thank you for the replies! I felt much calmer to know I wasn’t disproportionately cross - if that makes sense?

He had post this morning so I had the perfect excuse bang on his door first thing in the morning and ask him sweetly to wash up.

Take his playstation when he goes out and tell him that since everything is now communal, you'll be using it for the night and will leave all the discs out and covered in fingerprints

Honestly, I would hand him his arse. Cheeky fucker behaviour!

Also, put a lock on your cupboards and tell him to replace the snacks. Don't let him get away with this level of entitlement - in a shared house boundaries and respect are really important and you need to reinforce your own entitlement to these things.

People who leave saucepans to ‘soak’...

YANBU for that reason alone