7 year old with unrestricted phone access

[AyDeeAitchDee]

Looking for some advice please. WWYD.

A friend of my DD7 has her own phone. And uses it unsupervised pretty much all the time.

They FaceTimed over lockdown (to my phone/iPad for my DD) so this child now thinks that my phone number is my DDs number.

So she'll message my phone thinking it's my daughter who is going to read it.

The other day she sent my phone a video of herself fake crying. Have been sent other videos before but more innocent stuff showing what's on TV, new toys etc.

I've never replied. Never done anything.

Not said anything to the parents, as I can pretty much guarantee it wouldn't mean the phone usage was restricted/supervised and I'd just end up with someone angry at me and holding a grudge for being interfering.

But ultimately this child is sending videos of herself to people and seeing goodness knows what online (she's told my DD about unsuitable things she's seen online)

Would you all do the same and be doing nothing? School send frequent "How to be safe online" emails etc.

But I really don't want to meddle in that family's business. I feel like everything would be an overreaction at this point but I also worry what this child could be exposed to.

You’ve left it a bit late, when the first message came through I would have responded that it was your phone not dd.

Just block her

@TheGriffle

You’ve left it a bit late, when the first message came through I would have responded that it was your phone not dd.

Yes. I realise that now. it started just innocent and bored stuff or a "was nice to talk to you" after a FaceTime.

So I just ignored and went on with my day in those instances. Didn't feel the need to tell her to stop or to reply. Didn't think of it as an issue.

But now I feel like anything I say could be shown to the parents and then I'm accused of telling off their child.

Same thing happened during lockdown with my dd and a friend . She kept texting me thinking it was dd phone .
I just blocked her

Yep block the number, it isnt appropriate for a child to send videos of themselves to an adult. If the child sends something inappropriate to you it will be too late and you will be accountable not the child.

if speaking to her parents isn't an option you need to protect yourself.

Personally if my 7 year old was sending messages like this, I would want to know. I would have a chat to the parents, telling them your concerns and also ask them to tell their DD that she is actually texting you and not friend and to stop messaging. Then it’s up to them how they deal with it, but you’ve done your bit.

You don't actually know the child is unsupervised, the child is messaging a friend, a friend with a number that has been pretty well vetted to be the friend, the parents may be fully on board with that and know about it.

Sending fake crying videos to your friend is not huge risk.

What you need to do is either you reply, or get your daughter to reply that the phone is shared and your child doesn't normally have access to stop sending - which she'll do as soon as she knows it's to you anyway.

This isn't primarily a phone safety issue, it's a politeness issue, there is a conversation to be had with the child about what happens if you don't get responses, but you're over dramatizing the OMG kid has a phone part.

This child is at risk. I think you need to say something but keep it breezy.
What apps is she using?

Oh I wanted to let you know I'm getting calls and videos from X, and i wanted to make sure you knew as the age limit for App1 is 13, I'd feel dreadful if videos of her fell into the wrong hands or she saw something she shouldn't.

Alternatively next time you're out for a coffee try and steer the conversation around to the challenges of parenting in the modern world - how tough it is to navigate modern threats especially in lockdown, and how common it is for children to access harmful content online as reported in the news www.telegraph.co.uk/news/2020/05/04/parents-need-help-keep-children-safe-harmful-online-content/

Are they at the same school? Mention it to the HT re safeguarding

Block the number
Presumably dd is back at school so you can tell her to tell her friend that the phone number is yours and not hers

@Nanny0gg

Are they at the same school? Mention it to the HT re safeguarding

Is that not a bit too meddling though?

I've blocked the number now.

Message back and tell her to stop this because this is your phone/iPad, DD doesn't have one.

Then block her if she doesn't stop. I wouldn't bother saying anything to the parents. You could mention it to the school teacher and tell them what the child has been viewing and mentioning to other children. They may view it as a safeguarding concern and then might contact the other parents.

If there's no safeguarding issue then there's nothing to worry about reporting it. Shouldn't child safety be everyone's issue?

Blocking the number solves your problem, it does however leave a vulnerable 7yo girl with unrestricted phone access and christ knows who, full access to a 7yo child.

Please report it to the schools safeguarding team.

Who's to say it's unrestricted? She thinks she's texting her friend as they facetimed on your number. You should have responded at the first text that this was your phone, not your daughters. That would have been the end of it.

I would tell the parents she's sending crying videos, that's inappropriate. The parents need to know.

Stop ignoring it but don't make a bigger deal than it is. Just respond with boundaries and make sure the parents have the information they need to stop it.

There's no need to make assumptions and invent false narratives based on those assumptions.

You're way over-thinking this. Just block her. You have no actual evidence this child has unrestricted phone access. And the girl is messaging who she THINKS is her friend. Some might argue that you are in the wrong for not correcting her much sooner. You've done nothing to "safeguard" her in letting her know that she's actually messaging an adult.

I'd message back once with something like, "Hi X, this is DD's mum's phone number. DD doesn't have her own phone number, so could you stop sending me stuff? Thanks!"

Then block and forget about it.

Reply, telling her to stop and that it is your number, not DDs. Make a group of you, her and her parents for this.

Decide if you want her to be able to call DD.
From then on, say her parents must message to ask permission. (Or whatever rule you want)

If anything worrying comes through. Report to the school.

I have a seven year old girl who uses her phone to message her friends. If suddenly I was told that was their parents phone and she had been messaging them for a while without knowing that, I actually think I would have a huge issue with that, it seems weird that you wouldn’t have told her? Why would you not? I check my daughters phone on a regular basis, I’m not sure why her not realising it’s your phone as opposed to your daughters, is on her, and not on you as the responsible adult.

Also a video of her fake crying - I mean it’s odd, but I’ve discovered my seven year old friends like a bit of drama, and I’m not sure this is anything but that. You should have told her the first time a message came in it was your phone and then I doubt she would have sent it to you.

Tell her. My DSs friend was sending not nice things to my DS via social media so I told his mum so she could deal with it. All resolved very easily and no hard feelings.