It’s world MH day today, but actually it’s all superficial & means very little.

[Pickypolly]

I’m never ill me, never.
But recently have been brought down like a bag of shit with anxiety & depression.
Neve before have I experienced such debilitating illness and I am absolutely dumbfounded.

Friends, family have put a lovely green ribbon & inspirational quotes all over their Social media.

Not one message from a single person though, not one text, not one single message from anyone.
Some people do know.

So, I could go out and walk onto the sea right now & no one would really care on any level.

It’s all just superficial and means nothing.

I will forever see MH in a whole new light. I will forever remember that actually those closest to me don’t really care about me as I thought that they did.
I’m alone in this. Even the professionals when I eventually get to speak to someone is only there because they are paid to be there.
It’s all so desolate MH isn’t it.

I'm so sorry you are feeling so ill. It is indeed debilitating. I have found that it takes longer for people to "get it" than with some other illnesses, but that as people witness it in someone close to them, the penny can drop. You are right though that in wider society it is still given lip service. I hope you do feel better soon.

Thank you kidney, to be fair I agree about people not “getting it” yet talking to these people, they claim to have personal experience of MH so I assume that they do actually “ get it”.

Sorry that you’re feeling this way. I have had MH issues since I was a teen, and it’s taken me years (decades in fact) to find out exactly who I can trust and rely on in a crisis, and to build up a good support network. It’s not easy (and good support is only One aspect of improving your MH) but it is possible. One thing I would say is that people assume you’re fine unless you explicitly say - even with my long term, serious diagnosis.

I see, and I get that.
Because you pretend and you cover up and you deny it to yourself & assume that people have their own problems, could not/would not help anyway.

I'm sorry your mental health is taking a hit. And I'm sorry that your perception is that nobody cares and that today is superficial.

Actually today is about getting people to see the words written down: anyone can have a bad bout of depression or their mental health can be impacted at any time and we all need to learn to recognise the signs in ourselves and others. It is a relatively recent thing that anyone (in the UK at least) talks about their own mental health and /or asks for help. And it is even more recent that people have started to take it seriously and not just say to a depressed person "oh cheer up, have you tried mindfulness or something?"

So there are 2 things in your post. You need to find out how you can help yourself or access someone or an agency that can help you. And the second thing is that you can help everyone by helping to spread information and signpost where people can access resources. And a third thing would be, if you feel up to it, to help campaigns to bring attention to the lack of mental health resources and get politicians to take notice and do something.

The trouble is with mh day is what do you want? Everyone to contact you and ask how you are. Isn,t that a bit superficial? You probably already know who cares and who doesn,t. I think trouble is with mh is it seems every other person has mh probs. This person is has self image probs bodering diet issues, this person has anxiety, this person has depression, this person has bipolar, the list goes on. I don,t think MH day really means much. I would try to do more like raise the awareness of mind and the work they do. It will probably mean more.

Can totally relate. I was brought down in April and May by anxiety attacks so awful that I just wanted to end it all. Hadn't had any health issues before this. Was referred to talking space but found that talking to someone for 10 minutes every 2 weeks really doesn't do much.
I agree, it's just desolate. My dad just told me to try and stay cheerful. Yeah right.

I don’t know, I suppose as they are taking time to post stuff on their social media, knowing that someone close to them is suffering, I think I would just text.
I’m not saying long, deep & involved convos about how you are doing, just something.

I’ve had zero contact with anyone.
Makes me feel like a worthless piece of shit not worthy of any of their time or friendship.

I feel like I must be an absolute twat of a human being. As shit as the inner voices tell me I am. Like validating it.

I understand @Pickypolly.
I've been there. Things got better.

But yes, people who you think might care more can be insensitive. I remember, as I was getting better, feeling such anger about some (not all) significant people not contacting me. I suspect they didn't want to bother me & it was kindly meant, but it felt so lonely.

I hope you find the help you need. You are worth it.

Some people don’t know how to engage with someone with MH issues. I’ve had depression for years and still on Prozac. But I actually prefer people to not keep asking me if I’m okay. I deal with it in my own way, and if I feel so bad that I need to talk about it, I reach out myself to people. It’s not always a visible illness especially during covid when you’re not face to face with people.

Yanbu. It is debilitating and very misunderstood by so many. I hope you will get the help you need.

I guess I,ll flip the question, what have you done for world MH day? Isn,t about raising awareness, taking away stigma, sharing experiences. Letting people know they are not on their own and saying how they can get help?
Have you text many friends today with mh issues?

It's not the responsibility of people living with mental illness to use themselves as an educational tool for the masses.

I’m feeling so so dark I just can’t see past even cleaning my teeth today.

As a newcomer to this MH malarkey I’m observing what I had never seen before.
It’s lonely, desolate and superficial.

Does any one know your feeling like this at the moment? Is their anyone you can actually phone or visit. How about those people you were expecting a text from?

YANBU .

I always say it’s like - talk to me about mental health, I want to listen - but don’t talk about THAT !

Most people I’ve found do not understand or want to listen at all, and phoning a helpline because you’re totally alone can be utterly soul destroying - you feel so, so alone and it’s gutting that the only person who wants to talk is being paid a wage to do so . It’s absolutely awful .

I’ll never understand it . My aunt has spent all day talking about MH on Facebook . When I had a serious breakdown and took an OD she said she wanted to slap me for being so selfish . Today she’s all about listening, caring, sharing - bollocks .

@Pickypolly

I’m never ill me, never. But recently have been brought down like a bag of shit with anxiety & depression. Neve before have I experienced such debilitating illness and I am absolutely dumbfounded.

Friends, family have put a lovely green ribbon & inspirational quotes all over their Social media.

Not one message from a single person though, not one text, not one single message from anyone.
Some people do know.

So, I could go out and walk onto the sea right now & no one would really care on any level.

It’s all just superficial and means nothing.

I will forever see MH in a whole new light. I will forever remember that actually those closest to me don’t really care about me as I thought that they did.
I’m alone in this. Even the professionals when I eventually get to speak to someone is only there because they are paid to be there.
It’s all so desolate MH isn’t it.

Bit melodramatic isnt it?

Message them and say you need help, if they ignore you them you can go all "woe is me they dont care"

Are you messaging everyone you know or suspect is having a problem? Or did you in the past?

Melodramatic, woe is me.... nice.
Thank you.

I haven’t understood it in the flesh, but I’ve had long into the night text conversations with a couple of close friends with significant MH illness.
Over many years and regularly too.

That still has not prepared me for this.

I’ve text a couple of friends this evening, I know that they are at work so will likely get a response when they get a second.
They are good kind people. I can trust and rely on them.
I also know that they get it.

Ignore the people telling you to check on other people. You do that when you are well yourself.

I’m not saying you’re doing this...but...when my DH was in the midst of depression he felt that nobody cared, including me, his parents and siblings. He felt alone and isolated from everyone.

But this was his perception and not true at all. When people rang he wouldn’t pick up the phone or answer messages. Or worse, he would behave angrily and rudely. Every suggestion I made, like going to the GP or having some food was met with extreme anger.

His parents and siblings were talking to me all the time and were beside themselves with worry. But my DH will still maintain that they didn’t care about him.

I was doing everything possible to help him and he just couldn’t see it. He felt we were all his enemy.

It was heartbreaking not knowing how to help.

The penny dropped when his cousin started feeling depressed and reached out to my DH for support. My DH told me in a panic that x is feeling suicidal and I don’t know what to say or how to help. He then realised how difficult it really is to help someone and we had done our best at the time.

I’m sorry you’re having such a difficult time and I hope things get better for you soon.

I agree that things like World MH Day can feel a bit like putting a finger plaster on a bullet wound. The fact is we need a properly funded health service so that people can access the resources they need - rather than fobbed off with mindfulness techniques or put on a 1 year waiting list for therapy. It’s all very well encouraging to people to talk and open up (which absolutely should be encouraged) but navigating the system to get help as a next step (unless privately funded) is a nightmare.

I also think mental illnesses which are less understood like personality disorders still have a stigma, and these awareness campaigns don’t seem to be aiding that.

I acknowledge fully that this is the illness which is smearing my way of thinking,

I thank you all for this discussion, it’s so kind of you to take the time and I’m so grateful for your sharing & being gentle & for giving insightful thoughts to me while my head is mashed.

I think the nature of depression also makes you a bit inward thinking and sometimes feeling unhappy that others are happily getting on with their lives, whilst you’re struggling. I do find that you need to engage people yourself, as others can’t see it clearly. If I reach out to people - close friends and family, they will listen and advise. I’m constantly surprised by people telling me they have suffered with MH issues as to outsiders it can be hard to spot. I hope you find the right people to engage with OP.

Whilst I dont think you personally are being unreasonable in how you feel- your feelings are valid and you know they are affected by your current state of mind as well and you’re acknowledging that. I did however say you were being unreasonable in the vote when you said people were only there in MH because they were paid. You do know that they could likely get a better paid job elsewhere? People choose to go into MH work to help people and because they want to show that they care. I’ve actually just left the field out of vast frustration at the litre being done on many levels by HCP and how much is relied on for by third party (often voluntary) sectors. The therapeutic work required is huge and yet very little is done face to face or on a basic human level and that is so upsetting and wrong.

@Pickypolly I hope your friends reply and if you can get outside today just for some fresh air and a small time please do. And when you’re out there- think of the huge place that is the UK and know that at varying points across that huge place there are random strangers who are thinking of you! You are not alone even when you think you are- just type!