Husband doesn’t talk

[LastTrainGone]

Anyone else have this? My DH can’t or won’t make conversation with me. He’s never been the chatty type but honestly I’m getting bored in his company. He’s just not interested in holding a conversation. I get silent nods, shrugs, short sentences and blank expressions, usually followed by “I dunno,” or “maybe.”

We’ve got two kids, been married 8 yrs. We’re ok, just tired as most parents are. But it’s exasperating to say the least. And yet, when he’s with friends or others he literally springs into life. He’s jolly, interacts, stimulates conversation. Like a switch has gone off. Maybe I just bore the shite out of him. I am a talkative person & he’s not but actually I’m beginning to find it fucking rude. He has an easy life; has his meals cooked, his needs met, he helps with the kids & is a hands-on dad so good in that respect. It’s just the lack of conversation.

I’m beginning to think we’re very different people and have nothing to talk about! What’s even more irritating is that he’ll spring into life if he decides he wants sex so suddenly initiates discussion. But otherwise I feel I’m just white noise. I’m beginning to feel lonely; his inability or lack of motivation to connect is a bit crap to be honest.

Anyone else experience similar?

I would say you need to sit down and "talk" as ironic as that as it.
Sit him down and tell him how you feel, exactly what you've written above.
If he dosnt change then accept the relationship has run its course.

What are you talking at him about? I know if talk about work too much my DH switches off, as I do about his work.
Do you have hobbies or mutual interests, do you do things together that you can then discuss?

Yeah, my ex husband was exactly the same right down to the sex thing.
It's why he's my ex and I'm 1000 times happier without him.

I think my Dh switches off with me sometimes when I'm just rambling on, then he can't distinguish between that and me actually wanting a response. I do have a similar situation. Dh has no opinions or doesn't seem to want to talk but is so so lovely around other people. I think he feels safe at home so is his real self whereas his switched on self is exhausting as he's an introvert.

Yes my dh is exactly as you have described, I could have written your post. It does get you down.
I have hobbies and meet friends and want to try new things. He's happy in the family bubble and has very few friends who he barely sees.
I think it's a case of extrovert and introvert.
His dad is exactly the same, he's absolutely lovley and a gentle man but he has very little to say.

I think it completely depends on context to be honest. My husband talks to me a lot and I cannot help but tune it out sometimes. My husband does the same, especially if it's stuff we've talked about before at lengths.

And even more so when we are each doing something we're invested in and then conversation is sprung upon us.

Some conversations aren't conversations. They're just monologues, so nods and "mhmm"s are all we can muster.

But we do also have meaningful conversations, and know how to entertain ourselves and communicate that we're actually busy.

My xh was like this too. It is a delight not being bored by him. He used to spring to life with chat with anyone, but me.

What does he do when you ask him "open" questions, like what did he do at work today, or something about one of his interests?

It's hard to know if he's just a naturally quiet person, or if he feels he hasn't really got anything to say.

But I would hate it. DP and I talk all the time, about anything and everything.

My father was just like that. On a car trip we could drive for miles and he would not say a single word. My mother complained to me constantly "you see how your dad is?"! But one trip a lightbulb went off and I realized that while he never talked, she never stopped talking. She gave a running verbal commentary on everything we passed and read all the signs aloud. "Speed limit 40." "School zone ahead." She continued that way all her life and it became a family joke. Maybe think about how much you are talking?

My ex husband was silent most of the time. Didn't see the need to communicate at home and had a whole other life with his work and hobbies. We used to go to dinner parties with friends that I cultivated as he wasn't interested and he would spend the whole evening in silence. Took him at least ten years to acknowledge my best friend when she came to stay. It was bloody tedious and boring in his company and at one stage he announced that I shouldn't expect him to entertain me. But was suitably mortified when I had the tenacity to divorce him. However he had huge issues with intimacy which may have contributed to it, that and his arrogance that only he mattered. It's soul destroying living with a silent husband. What's the point? You might as well be alone because that is what you are.

Tell him what you told us here. His reaction will determine what happens next.

Mines doesn't stop talking any old nonsense just to talk. Drives me nuts. x

Mine is pretty similar to yours OP. It’s not as unusual (or as worrying) as other posters imply. Actually it’s so common it’s kind of a cliche - the old fashioned traditional husband hiding behind the newspaper from his chatty wife... My sisters husbands are the same.

(Interesting to see so many women who apparently have chatty adoring husbands are still spending Saturday night talking to strangers on mumsnet).

Yes v boring and lonely. But I married an introvert who has to chat to people on the phone all day and by the evenings he is pretty used up and sleepy 🤷‍♀️ Doesn’t mean the marriage is over and certainly not a problem I’d break up a family over. We chat more at weekends or when his work is less busy. But yeah I wish he was emotionally articulate.