To share the stupidest thing I have ever heard

[Sparklfairy]

My friend is away in a country that a few days into her holiday brought in quarantine restrictions upon returning to the UK. No big deal to her, she can wfh and organise deliveries etc.

She just told me she was chatting around the pool and people are confused about when quarantine actually 'starts'. Most have convinced themselves it's the day after you land 'to give them time to go shopping and get food and everything ready and stuff'.

So you're quarantined, but you have a magical window of time where you can get supplies and merrily skip round the supermarket infecting everyone saying 'Oh, I'm not in quarantine until tomorrow'.

I'm not sure if they're spectacularly thick or just so entitled they've twisted the rules to suit themselves. I don't normally get annoyed about CV or what other people do but really!?

@ABCDay

Is a haggis a living animal

Well, to be fair, it is. Only huntable at certain times of the year, hence it being a seasonal product.

And before anyone asks, yes it is true that their legs are different lengths on each side because it makes running round the hills easier.

@GrandAltogether I think that would be a great idea! Or include new modules on how not to destroy a country.

@CanadianJohn

Someone once asked me if London was near England.

I once told an American that I lived in the Midlands in England and they asked if I could see the sea from my bedroom. Not sure how big they thought England is but definitely don't think we'd fit 65 million people on it. Mind they also asked whether we had tv or Internet yet and this was 10 years ago so clearly they thought we all lived in Sherlock Holmes or something.

@emmcan

A friend at Uni believe us when we told her that different cows gave different milk.

Black and White = Regular
Brown = Semi skimmed
Cows fed on soy beans = Soy milk

Etc.

Didn't question it.

And she got a 1st in PolPhilEc.

Is she now a government minister?!

Why do people wear poppies when it was called the War of the Roses?
Sublime

@StCharlotte

An Oxbridge educated lawyer: "is infertility hereditary?"

But it is sometimes, so not a stupid question at all.

I live in the Netherlands. Although roughly one third of our country is below sea level that doesn't mean that we live underwater in a dome, like a kind American guy once thought.

@FrancesFlute

A colleague with a thick Yorkshire accent (relevant!) asked me if I ate 'corned beef 'ash on Ash Wednesday?'

This is a thing in Yorkshire. Your colleague isn't as foolish as you imply.

@StCharlotte
An Oxbridge educated lawyer: "is infertility hereditary?"

Did you openly mock them? I hope not as that would make you look the foolish one...Sometimes it is and sometimes it isn't, they are a lawyer, not a doctor so a perfectly legitimate question.

my mother told me to put hay and straw on my bedroom floor until I could afford a carpet

What do you think they did before carpets?

When nasa launched a rocket a few months ago for the space station the orbit it was in meant it could be seen from my home town. Someone posted on a local Facebook page asking what time it was landing ‘to refuel’ at a local airfield. He couldn’t get his head around why a rocket, launched in America, wouldn’t be landing in Scotland, at an old WW2 airfield, to refuel on its journey to the international space station.

@StCharlotte

An Oxbridge educated lawyer: "is infertility hereditary?"

Why is that a silly comment?

Male infertility can be inherited through the mother.
Some infertility is caused by genetic conditions- so inherited?

On one of our first dates I said “oh my god look how bright the moon is” obviously being around 1pm and April it was the sun.

@StCharlotte

An Oxbridge educated lawyer: "is infertility hereditary?"

Not a stupid question in an era of fertility interventions.

My Mum urged me to pay my TV license warning that if I didn’t, I would be ‘cut-off’.

@bellalou1234

That the Vatican is a big nightclub in Italy, like ministry of sound. Is a haggis a living animal

To be fair based on the stories from the Swiss Guards it makes most nightclubs look tame.

cdtay

I am well aware that straw was used for flooring in the past.

I don't think the council would be too happy if I used straw and hay for my bedroom flooring.

This is the same toxic mother that told me to only drink water and eat bread, cut mine and DDs hair short to save on shampoo.

She also told me it was my own fault that my ex husband was abusive and violent.

Even now, after some extremely difficult years, she hates that DD2 and me have a new lovely council flat. We don't deserve it apparently

@FrancesFlute

A colleague with a thick Yorkshire accent (relevant!) asked me if I ate 'corned beef 'ash on Ash Wednesday?'

Yep. I worked with someone who said that’s why it was ‘Ash Wednesday.

@ABCDay

Is a haggis a living animal

Well, to be fair, it is. Only huntable at certain times of the year, hence it being a seasonal product.

And before anyone asks, yes it is true that their legs are different lengths on each side because it makes running round the hills easier.

To catch them, get them to turn round so the short leg is on the outside. They then just topple over!

My late mum would never put a used tea bag in the bin 'til it had cooled down incase it 'set the bin on fire'

Discussing at work the fact that Aragorn (the fictional character) is 87, one colleague couldn't believe it, especially because 'he's still acting'. I politely explained that Vigo Mortinson was in his 40's, then PMSL telling all my friends about it later. Still makes me smile a decade on.

I worked with a woman who said ‘well we can’t all go vegetarian, we need to eat cows otherwise the world will be overrun by cows’ failing to understand the cows are bred on farmers by humans to us to eat, not just running around wild freely shagging and taking over the world

@Furrybutts

My late mum would never put a used tea bag in the bin 'til it had cooled down incase it 'set the bin on fire'

Reminds me of daft things my mum says. She worked in a cafe and one day the got drinks were not available and she said loads of folk having cooked breakfasts complained. After all drinking something cold with greasy food makes the grease congeal in your stomach...I had to remind her of stomach acid and McDonald’s seem to do ok with greasy food alongside cold drinks. She still believes it though!

In Florida a waiter, on being told we came from England, asked if we’d driven there.

“...the world will be overrun by cows.”

• this might be my favourite!