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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To go with DD to the doctors?

62 replies

Nightowl45 · 10/10/2020 13:04

Posting here a bit for traffic but also because I’m unsure what to do with the current covid climate. DD is 16 and has an appointment on Monday for her periods but I’m wondering if I’m allowed to go with her? Some hospital trusts seem to let a parent/guardian accompany a child to hospital but I can’t find much about going to the gp. Am I likely to be turned away if I try to go with her? I’ve gone with her to previous appointments (pre-covid) but the website for our gp surgery doesn’t detail anything about patients being accompanied by a family member. Any advice?

OP posts:
Skysblue · 10/10/2020 15:12

Our GP is doing all consultations over phone / email unless there is a specific reason why the patient needs to physically be in the surgery- perhaps you could ask for that?

If it needs to be in person, tell the surgery your daughter is a child and wants you with her and see what they say.

I would also make sure you see a female GP, male GPs are worse than USELESS at anything to do with gynaecology and usually just say it is psychological or you have to put up with it.

HandfulofDust · 10/10/2020 15:14

Call the surgery and ask but under 18 they'll usually let you bring an adult from the same household as moral support.

steppemum · 10/10/2020 15:19

@Florencex

I don’t think you should be attending GP appointments with a 16 year old anyway, unless she has special needs or is anxious about it.

I think GPs prefer to see patients over a certain age individually as many people might not be completely honest or provide full disclosure everything with a family member sitting there.

You know what, I find this sad actually.

16 is still very young, especially if the situation is not straightforward. Most 16 year olds will be too unsure to put their point over strongly if they aren't happy.

I ask mine if they want me there. If they do, I stay in the background unless they need support. Whether they do or not seems to depend on the issue.

spurs4ever · 10/10/2020 18:06

If she wants you there then that is her choice and it's fine for you to go. 16 isn't too young at all to have some support x

Didiplanthis · 10/10/2020 18:15

Most 16 year olds at the surgery I work at seem to come with a parent, it fine if they don't but definitely not unusual ! I would let anyone of any age who needs or wants support for any reason bring someone. Not half the family but certainly one other. Doesn't matter if they are 8 , 80 or a 48 yr old anyone can feel anxious and need support. I just apply the same rules of mask and symptoms questioning etc. I am soooo careful with infection control anyway.

Carrottop73 · 10/10/2020 18:17

At 16 you should only go if she really needs. Especially in a pandemic. She should be encouraged to be independent in my opinion.

Plussizejumpsuit · 10/10/2020 18:21

I went with my grandma as she needed the support to advocate for her self. So I think it's reasonable for you to go. Given doctors can be dismissive of period stuff and she might be embarrassed. It does make sense

fairynick · 10/10/2020 18:22

I have a friend who is in her late twenties and likes to have a chaperone at appointments because she often feels like it’s an information overload/never asks the right questions/is quite bashful so doesn’t like the one on one. Having a chaperone isn’t something that should be discouraged at all, at any age. Everyone is entitled to privacy. Everyone is also entitled to a chaperone. Whatever floats your boat.

GameSetMatch · 10/10/2020 18:47

She’s 16 I’m sure you’ll be able to go with her, you’re not an adult until 18. Nobody will stop you going with her, don’t make her go alone if she is anxious and nervous.

Mrsjayy · 10/10/2020 18:49

You can go with her i occasionally went with mine at that age they asked me to go.

Pixie2015 · 10/10/2020 19:00

I am a GP and I would happily see a teenager or an adult that wanted someone with them for support. There is no lower age limit that we would see someone from and I have seen people in there 20s and 30s with friends / family helping them share their issues. I would always ask a teenager if they want to talk alone incase of embarrassing questions. Some parents like to bring teens in give a bit info then wait outside and sometimes come back for the plan. Everyone is different and I can respect and understand that. Because of covid I wouldn’t want more than one additional person in the room as the rooms aren’t very big. At this current time I would tend to do problems with periods over the phone as would rarely examine a 16y old without good reason.

Purpledaisychain · 10/10/2020 19:02

At 16, she doesn't have to have you there. But if she wants you to be, I don't think the GP surgery can say no because she is still a minor.

RB68 · 10/10/2020 19:03

at 16 she is gillick competent. but she can allow you t go with her if she wants so its up to her

Suzi888 · 10/10/2020 19:05

I would have thought so, anyone can ask to be accompanied. Might want to ring ahead though due to covid.

AWryGiraffe · 10/10/2020 19:15

You are entitled to have a chaperone, and 16 is not too old to need your mum

BewilderedDoughnut · 10/10/2020 19:18

DD is 16 and has an appointment on Monday for her periods but I’m wondering if I’m allowed to go with her?

It's not appropriate, she needs to learn to do this stuff herself!

Unicorners · 10/10/2020 19:27

Maybe phone ahead of time and double check, just explain that your dd is a bit nervous and would prefer someone with her. She's young enough that I imagine it will be ok.

pudcat · 10/10/2020 19:28

I don't understand folk saying she is old enough to go by herself. In my opinion age has nothing to do with wanting support. I am the support person in my family who is asked to go to appointments if possible. I have been with sons husband sister brother in law so that they have someone else to remember what is said. I also used to take y mum and go with my grandparents. I think everyone needs some sort of support at a time of illness.

ChronicallyCurious · 10/10/2020 19:29

I think it’s up to the surgery. I had an appointment last week about quite a sensitive issue and my Mum came with me as my partner was at work. I’m obviously not a child but I am disabled (an invisible disability) and was prepared I to say I needed my Mum there as my carer (not a lie) but nobody questioned it once, the receptionist buzzed us in and the doctor welcomed my Mum into the room!

pudcat · 10/10/2020 19:31

It's not appropriate, she needs to learn to do this stuff herself!
I know I would have liked someone with me the other week with a DVT but because of Covid I couldn't. I know I didn't remember everything they said.

clipclop5 · 10/10/2020 19:37

Why is everyone being so horrible about a 16 year old not wanting to go to the doctors alone? It is perfectly fine and normal at that age to still want a parent’s support, especially in a medical environment. Often parents will be able to provide a more effective explanation to the doctor and therefore allow the teen to access the care they really need

TORDEVAN · 10/10/2020 19:38

Whatever age my daughters need me I’ll still go (they’re currently toddlers 😅).

If I asked I'm sure my dad would still come with me if I felt I needed the support.

I'm sure they will allow it. And yanbu to do so at all.

clipclop5 · 10/10/2020 19:39

@BewilderedDoughnut How is this not appropriate? If the DD wants her mum there and she is aware of the situation then what is the problem? It’s not the dark ages and periods aren’t anything to be ashamed of.

BewilderedDoughnut · 10/10/2020 19:40

Overbearing/protective parents involving themselves is why we have a generation of young people that can't wipe their own behinds without a hand hold.

clipclop5 · 10/10/2020 19:46

@BewilderedDoughnut

Overbearing/protective parents involving themselves is why we have a generation of young people that can't wipe their own behinds without a hand hold.
@BewilderedDoughnut People like you are what’s wrong with society today.
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