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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

AIBU to want security?

7 replies

27Bananas · 10/10/2020 12:54

I'm sick of renting, not feeling secure, putting up with dodgy appliances that aren't great but legally don't need replacing. Worrying about spending money to improve things and then being asked to move on? Not being able to make it our home because we have to stick to neutral. Paying extortionate rent knowing its not getting us any closer to paying off a mortgage, to owning our own home.

If we were paying cheap rent, had a sense of security, a greater sense of autonomy etc I wouldn't begrudge spending money on these things. I just feel we are paying a premium with no acknowledgement that it is meant to be our home. We have a big family and need a big house in a certain area for the schools our children attend.

In our last rental we had a great relationship with our landlord...we could do what we wanted in the home and were told we could stay as long as we wanted. We only moved as it wasn't big enough as our family grew. We improved the house, did things for the landlord so he only paid material costs for repairs etc. It felt like our home. I feel like we may have been spoilt as since moving, we have been made to feel privileged to live in the house despite the high rent, dated decor and appliances - which if we want improving, has to be done at our own cost by a professional and with no thanks.

We have previously owned homes and let one out so have been both sides of the fence. Changes of circumstances took us away from the property ladder.

I dream of owning again. I dont want the best of everything, I would be happy to own a doer-uper, a smaller home that we can extend eventually etc. I just want to make it a home, to know that money spent is our investment. But we don't have a deposit and I cannot see us being able to save for one until the kids are grown, especially given the covid situation has affected us financially too.

I know absolutely that we are privileged to have a house to live in and there are people far worse off, which is why I wonder AIBU? I just feel quite melancholy.

OP posts:
notapigeon · 10/10/2020 12:58

I don't think you're being unreasonable at all.

We rent, we have lived here 6 years and have a wonderful landlord. He is happy to allow us to pretty much do what we want with the house and is happy to contribute to any costs.

However I constantly have that hanging over my head that we could be asked to up and leave with a month notice, and have to find somewhere else - I would love to buy, but a few years of shitty circumstances means it will be at least 10 years before we can afford it 😔

So no, it's not unreasonable to want security, renting is a horrible feeling of knowing that you're paying over the odds for what essentially can feel like temporary accommodation.

nevermorelenore · 10/10/2020 13:43

YANBU. I am going through the same thing. We are on a rolling contract, and LL is in an industry with a lot of people being made redundant. At the moment, I'm scared they will decide to sell the house due to financial problems. There are barely any properties to let around here, so it'd be a disaster. It's awful renting with kids, because you are tied to their schools, and I hate not being able to decorate their bedrooms.

I'm not sure whether we will ever buy, to be honest. We saved up a bit, then we had to move three times in three years, so that got wiped out in deposits, moving fees etc. The more we try to save, the higher prices get. Also, I'm self-employed as my DS has SEN and I can't work a 9-5, so it all feels totally impossible.

27Bananas · 10/10/2020 15:19

@nevermorelenore

YANBU. I am going through the same thing. We are on a rolling contract, and LL is in an industry with a lot of people being made redundant. At the moment, I'm scared they will decide to sell the house due to financial problems. There are barely any properties to let around here, so it'd be a disaster. It's awful renting with kids, because you are tied to their schools, and I hate not being able to decorate their bedrooms.

I'm not sure whether we will ever buy, to be honest. We saved up a bit, then we had to move three times in three years, so that got wiped out in deposits, moving fees etc. The more we try to save, the higher prices get. Also, I'm self-employed as my DS has SEN and I can't work a 9-5, so it all feels totally impossible.

Yes a couple of my children are SEN too hence the need to stay in the area where they are well supported.
OP posts:
RedHelenB · 10/10/2020 15:28

Maybe you should have stayed in the first house and could have saved towards a deposit. Maybe you could have delayed or not had so many children? Having said that yanbu to want more security and I think rentals should be tightened up more on the side of the tenants.

27Bananas · 10/10/2020 17:14

@RedHelenB

Maybe you should have stayed in the first house and could have saved towards a deposit. Maybe you could have delayed or not had so many children? Having said that yanbu to want more security and I think rentals should be tightened up more on the side of the tenants.
We stayed in the house for as long as possible - 9 years but with the older kids getting bigger and the increasing SEN needs, it just wasn't possible. It wasn't a big house at all and we would have outgrown it anyway. I never felt like this in that house so wasn't particularly worried about owning because we had such a great landlord.
OP posts:
RedHelenB · 11/10/2020 08:19

I agree bigger isnt always better. Keep your eyes open for somewhere else, there will be other properties in a better state.

Bonniface · 11/10/2020 08:22

YANBU. The renters market is dire in the U.K. In other countries they have much better protections for tenants - protected longer leases, much more freedom to decorate etc - and so it’s much easier to make a rented house your home. We have it all wrong in this country.

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