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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

AIBU to think its because I havent actually wanted to do it

41 replies

CrotchBurn · 10/10/2020 09:16

NC because this is embarrassing.

I've got cystitis for the second time this year. Is it possible that I'm getting this because I have been having "duty sex"? Aka not really that into it and not exactly...raring to go? (Yes, I know I need to talk to him about this anyway....)

Second question is I'm in a country where you have to go to a GP and get prodded before they will give you proper chemical medication for cystitis (eye roll). I've bought some homeopathic over the counter stuff but does anyone have any tips for speeding this up?

OP posts:

Lockheart · 10/10/2020 09:44

Sex can be a cause but whether it's "duty" sex or not will have no bearing.

If you think sex is causing these flare ups, make sure you go to the bathroom after sex (and ideally reasonably soon before) to flush out bacteria.

As for getting rid of it quickly, what I usually do is as soon as I feel the first twinges I start to drink a lot. Drink a half pint of water every half hour. Do this for about 3 or 4 hours, then drop down to a half pint every hour. You'll pee a lot but you need to flush it out.

Every four hours or so, dilute a teaspoon of bicarb in your water. This helps keep the acidity of your urine down and will help ease the pain.

If I catch it early, I can almost always get rid of it just through flushing it out.

BertiesLanding · 10/10/2020 09:48

I disagree about duty sex having no bearing. Our bodies are sensitive and inseparable from our emotions (we seem to have grasped this with our gut, and our hearts, but not other organs yet). I would pay attention and trust how you feel about this.

Pogmella · 10/10/2020 09:54

They say rough sex can bring it on so if you’re not very into it/a bit drier I think having duty sex could be a thing. Depends why you’re having duty sex and if you end up enjoying it... in a long marriage with small kids this is possibly not a huge issue but if you’re just dating sounds a bit dysfunctional- for the former you could try using lube til you get warmed up?

Wibblypiggly · 10/10/2020 09:55

Your urethra and the bacteria being shoved up it have no idea whether you’re into it or feeling duty bound....

Shower before hand and wee afterwards. Also make sure you ‘double void’, so when you stop peeing wait and then go again. You’ll always have a little dribble remaining.

Original poster

CrotchBurn · 10/10/2020 09:57

Sorry the reason I mention "duty sex" is because I was wondering whether it would be linked to being dry

I'm going to get on the huge amounts of water and maybe take some ibuprofen

OP posts:

44PumpLane · 10/10/2020 09:57

Yes I think you're right OP, it could be down to having duty sex.

Your body will be less "receptive", there are physical changes when you're turned on that aren't there when you're not.

I have a similar issue to you and I attribute it to the same thing.

I have no issues with my duty sex for the record!

Original poster

CrotchBurn · 10/10/2020 09:57

@Wibblypiggly had never heard of the double void before!

OP posts:

Dinosauraddict · 10/10/2020 09:59

Yes definitely linked IMO. A lot of people get it on honeymoons because they have a lot more sex (typically) than they're used to, and even if they want and enjoy it, their body isn't ready for so much use for lack of a better phrase.

DameCelia · 10/10/2020 10:00

Perimenopause can bring lessening interest in sex = duty sex and less natural lubrication = uti.
Buy water based lube and use every time.
And for the record I don't have a problem with having duty sex either.

Lockheart · 10/10/2020 10:01

Best of luck OP. It's not fun!

With my water routine I usually find by doing this that the constant urge to pee is gone by the evening. The pain persists for a day or two but I can put up with that!

This is all assuming I catch it early. If you're a day or two in, you may be best seeing a doctor.

Original poster

CrotchBurn · 10/10/2020 10:05

Yeah maybe duty sex isn't such a bad thing in itself, but I do feel like I should have a conversation because we've gotten into a bit of a routine whereby I'm speeding it along just to get it over with which results in dryness, it probably wouldnt do any harm to get back to slowing things down. I feel like I've lost interest in sex a little bit lately!

OP posts:

Johntaylorschin · 10/10/2020 10:11

I used to get cystitis frequently and it often developed into kidney infections, now at the first twinge of cystitis I take cranberry vitamin capsules and drink loads of water and haven’t had full blown cystitis for years.

HandfulofDust · 10/10/2020 10:18

Homeopathic medicine is just water so won't help. Cranberry juice does help though. Could you get some natural lube for sex if things are a bit dry? (Obviously better to talk to the other half too though).

ATowelAndAPotato · 10/10/2020 10:21

Just coming on to add that if you need a break from water, cranberry juice is also helpful. You do still need to drink lots of water though. Hot baths can also help.
If it hasn’t improved by tomorrow, I think a GP visit is in order, it may have developed into a full blown water infection which would require antibiotics.

Wibblypiggly · 10/10/2020 10:24

@CrotchBurn I’m a sufferer, too. The double void is the reason I haven’t had an infection for a few years. I do it with every wee. 👍🏻

Original poster

CrotchBurn · 10/10/2020 10:28

@Wibblypiggly
Going to do it right this minute! :-D
What's the science behind it I wonder?
The homeopathic stuff was capsules with ground cranberry and hibiscus (?) in them

OP posts:

Lockheart · 10/10/2020 10:29

I'd just like to weigh in on the cranberry juice thing.

There is absolutely no evidence that cranberry juice helps to clear up UTIs. It is a myth.

www.independent.co.uk/life-style/health-and-families/cystitis-uti-relief-cranberry-juice-treatment-does-it-work-no-its-myth-says-research-a7384346.html

This is just one article. There are many more.

Jobseeker19 · 10/10/2020 10:30

My friend once told me a bottle of Robinson fruit and barley dilute gets rid of it. But you need to finish the whole bottle. You don't drink it straight though.

Original poster

CrotchBurn · 10/10/2020 10:30

@Lockheart
Yep I heard that was a total myth too. These homeopathic capsules have cranberry in them....

OP posts:

Lockheart · 10/10/2020 10:32

@CrotchBurn yep! You need to drink fluids and if cranberry juice is what you like then knock yourself out, but it will have no more effect on your UTI than drinking the same amount of water would.

Lockheart · 10/10/2020 10:33

@Jobseeker19

My friend once told me a bottle of Robinson fruit and barley dilute gets rid of it. But you need to finish the whole bottle. You don't drink it straight though.

That's due to the amount of water being drunk though, which is what you should do. The squash is just a flavouring, it won't help the cystitis.

category12 · 10/10/2020 10:34

If you're going to have duty sex, get some lube, fgs.

But don't have duty sex.

notawittyname1954 · 10/10/2020 10:37

I found barley water and bicarb really helped. Definitely peeing as soon after sex as possible. Bicarb is not good if you are on some medications. Flushing it out as early as possible is the best way. Good luck its miserable.

hettie555 · 10/10/2020 10:52

@CrotchBurn

Sorry the reason I mention "duty sex" is because I was wondering whether it would be linked to being dry

I'm going to get on the huge amounts of water and maybe take some ibuprofen

I used to get it too when I had sex with a person / people who I wasn't in tune with sexual (they were crap in bed) I used loads of lube which seemed to help.

FippertyGibbett · 10/10/2020 10:54

Cranberry juice.

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