To find family life so hard right now

[Chocness]

As the title says, finding family life incredibly hard right now and incredibly stressful.

Background info: 2 DC’s, 5 year old at school, 2 year old at home with me full time. Individually they are great, lots of fun, mostly a pleasure to be with, calm and respectful of others. Put them together and all hell breaks loose. 2 year old likes to scream in a high pitch manner if she doesn’t get her own way with her sibling. 5 year old cries and whines either in response to his sister or if he doesn’t get his own way with something. I’m so stressed with all the noise and the constant battles between them and I find unsettling. DH works from home and very hands on but it’s causing stress between us as there always seems to be one child who is whining, crying or winding the other up. Today was a pinnacle, 5 year old was so defiant and rude that we put him in his room against his will, him screaming and crying. Me feeling like I’m in some kind of mad house. Some days I could cry with it all. Lately I’ve been imagining how life would be without them once they’ve flung the nest. Husband doing the same, really as an escape mechanism. I’m so fed up with the constantness of it all. Unfortunately no family that I can send them to for a bit, plus youngest is very clingy at the moment so I don’t even feel I can fast forward her start date at nursery in January. Am I doing something wrong or just shit at getting so wound up by it all it’s sending me over the edge some days. I’m struggling to deal with the defiance and struggling with the noise and mess of young children. Help!

The only thing I can suggest is take it turns to give the other a break and spend as much time outside as possible, although that did backfire on me last week

It all sounds completely normal and your response to the situation sounds completely normal too, nothing pushes your buttons quite like your own children. It does get better bit in teeny, tiny steps I seem to recall , mine are adults now but there were days months when I could happily of walked away and not turned back.

Have you considered them needing more sleep? Ds 5 got into the habit (completely my fault) of going to bed later during lockdown.. His usual 7pm was easily becoming 8pm as the norm... He was becoming an awful dc as the weeks rolled by.. Back to school and he is now 6 but back to 730 at the latest... Much better a dc!!

It's really difficult. We went on a 'playground tour' this morning and drove to 3 random playgrounds in succession in my town found on Google. Kids were happy and shattered the rest of the day and has been the best day in weeks as they went to bed early too this evening. Children are hard work at this age and then you feel guilty for not enjoying every moment when actually if there's no balance and time for you it's not fun it's relentless. I think this year is especially hard with no spontaneous soft play or days out and less time with other mums to chat and moan and laugh about it. I find 2 kids at once really hard and they're lovely individually too. Trying to work on feeling bad about this as it is hard work and I'm doing a good job but when they fight or get tired and stroppy I have to make a conscious effort not to get upset and remember that it just can be really difficult managing young kids emotions and behaviour.

YANBU
5 and 2 is bloody hard. These threads are on MN every few months and I posted on many several when mine were those ages.

If it helps, I’d say the usual consensus is that this is about the hardest point. 6 and 3 is a bit easier. 7 and 4 is unrecognisably different. You find yourself suddenly not having to change nappies and more, and not planning the whole day around nap time, and then one day the youngest can brush their own teeth and you can send them to get ready for bed independently. It will happen, you’ll get there,* but yes, this bit is shit.

*Unless you go and have another one in which case on your own head be it

My kids are the same age and I could have written this post. No advice at all, but sending lots of love and
I'm hoping it's a fast-passing phase

I could have wrote this OP! It's literally exactly the same in my house and I've been utterly despairing about it all recently. My two year old is also a screamer and it causes ally he rage to bubble up inside me, but usually that rage is directed at the four year old who has usually caused the screaming and has become incredibly willful. Mine are also absolute angels when it's 1:1 which makes me sad as I just WISH it could be a nice atmosphere for even an hour while they're together.

I'm going to follow along Incase anyone has any wise advice but just wanted to say you aren't alone. I actually cried last night over it all. I am not a crier - this is the first time I've cried over them since becoming a parent and it's all down to the complete overwhelm of living in such a chaotic, noisy environment. I just want some peace at home. I'm a calm person by nature so it just rattles me beyond believe living in this state of stress. I just wish I knew how to make our household more harmonious. I've read "sibling without rivalry" but to no avail, the strategies seem more geared towards older DC.

Sorry, I'm ranting on your thread! If you're doing something "wrong" then I am too. Hope things improve for you soon

OP I feel for you. 5 and 2 is incredibly hard and this year has just been revolting. I remember having days where I felt that I’m totally losing it and I’m the crappiest parent.
You’re not and you’re not!!
I know it doesn’t help you now but it does get easier. Take lots of photos of them and look at them when they’re asleep, it makes you realise you actually do love them 😀😀