When does it become inappropriate for a boy/girl to share a bedroom? *trigger warning MNHQ*

[pamperer]

So... I know the LEGAL age is 10 (I think) but I'm looking for more personal opinions on when you'd think it was inappropriate.

For background, my children are 3.5 (my boy) and 9 months (girl), and are going to share a bedroom, and I'm wondering how long that would be feasible.

There isn't a legal age as far as I know. In social housing there might be an age guide but in your own home there isn't one
Puberty would probably be a good age to separate them

@dementedpixie oh, really? I was sure it was illegal past that age.

I think I've read on here before that NSPCC suggest aged 9

www.nspcc.org.uk/keeping-children-safe/in-the-home/sharing-a-bedroom/

From the link:

While it's not illegal for them to share, we recommend that girls and boys over the age of 10 have their own bedrooms – even if they're siblings or step-siblings.

About 8 or 9 I would say

Mine went into their own rooms at age 10 and 8, they still occasionally have sleepovers in each others rooms but I think it's nice that they have their own space now.

I'm really glad they shared for so long though as they have had lots of fun and I'm sure will have wonderful memories of the games they played once they were put to bed.

There’s no legal age. I know a few brothers and sisters who share over that age. It’s not ideal, but it can’t be helped in many cases.

My mum shared with my uncle until she got married. She was 21 and my uncle 15. My great grandmother’s husband died and she announced she would be moving in with the family so the kids had no option but to be in together. It didn’t harm them. My two would despair. It’s hard enough getting them to share when we go on holiday.

Mine are 9 and 7 and have just got separate rooms. They would have easily managed to share longer though, they don't particularly want privacy just yet.

Great if you have the luxury of extra bedrooms to give them their own space. A lot of people don’t - what do they do then?

It’s definitely not illegal !

My girl and boy are 7 and almost 10. They don't have bunk beds anymore.because they weren't behaving but honestly I think they'd be happy to share even now. They have such fun together!

You have years before you need to.worry and I once read that sharing a room is a brilliant way to create a lifelong sibling bond.

As others have said there is no legal restriction on this at all, just a guideline for social housing. I have three children, 11, 8 and 4, two boys and a girl. All three are in one bedroom in a triple bunk. For now they are happy with this. I think the 11 year old will want more space/privacy soon though.

I had a separate room from the age of four, but was allowed to sleep in my older brother's bedroom as a treat (he had bunkbeds).
He started sexually abusing me when I was 9, so I'd suggest that age for your boy as a cut off.

@survivorsister I am very sorry that you experienced abuse.

That is not a reason to set an age on brothers and sisters sharing a room. Most brothers do not abuse their sisters.

OP - there is no legal or fixed age. It depends on circumstances and personal choices.

Mine are 7 and 5 (boys) and DSD is 3. She shares with them when she stays. My oldest boy is nearly 8 and nowhere near showing signs of needing his own room, where as at 8 I had begun puberty and would have wanted my own room had I had to share.
I suspect we have around 3 more years before sharing will stop.
Boys are later to enter puberty, so it's a little easier that DSD is the younger one.

It makes me laugh how many people think this is illegal (you see it a lot of diy Facebook pages, so many people think it’s illegal) it’s not illegal at all even in council houses, it’s just guidance, and when you become entitled to an extra room, doesn’t mean you will necessarily get one any time soon as the waiting lists are very long usually 10-15 years where I am. There was a family living above me in a One bed flat (mum dad , and 3 kids one a teen and 2 in primary school) what do you think happens? That they get arrested??

[quote Allington]@survivorsister I am very sorry that you experienced abuse.

That is not a reason to set an age on brothers and sisters sharing a room. Most brothers do not abuse their sisters.

OP - there is no legal or fixed age. It depends on circumstances and personal choices.[/quote]
I realise that, I just saw all the 'my kids have a lovely time' posts, and they sound like something my my mother still maintains about us. She was also abused by her older brother, but minimised it. Many of my schoolmates experienced the same crap - sibling abuse is more common than you might like to think. Just worth being aware of.

My mum was absolutely desperate for us to have a kind of wholesome snuggly sibling relationship - to the point where her ryong to force one and her denial of what it was actually harmed me.

Anyway, all the above's clearly irrelevant and doesn't happen to any large extent, apparently. Except when it happens to the huge extent that I have just mentioned.

I was 8 when my brother started sexually abusing me - he is less than two years older, We had our own rooms but had to share when staying at my grandparents which is where it started.
I'd say its fine for now obviously, but you're not unreasonable to be considering this.

@NameChangeABC2020 am so sorry that was a horrible cross post.

Most brothers do not abuse their sisters

No. But a lot more do than people realise or want to admit. Mostly when the male sibling is older.
And all those boys started out as cute and innocent too but they still did it.

So many put their daughters at risk because they think their son's are incapable of abuse.

My 2 have about the same age difference as yours. DS was 6, almost 6.5 when he moved into his own room. DD was 3.5.

Tbh it's not all its cracked up to be, sharing a room - besides everything else mentioned, it took them twice as long to fall asleep

By the time the boy hits 8 it would be time to move them for me.