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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think friend handled this badly?

29 replies

PinkAndFabulous · 08/10/2020 19:45

My friend works in a school and responsible for employing teaching assistants.
One woman applied and she was completely overqualified. It was a role only for adhoc hours and my friend told the woman she was surprised that she only wanted such few hours. The woman then went bright red, looked close to tears and said she had chronic health issues and was in the process of being treated for one. She said this was because she could not commit to full-time and stable hours. My friend said to me that it sounded like she was just being lazy as she would 'probably be fine once on treatment.'
Now, I have a family member who is pretty much in the same boat so it riled me up a bit as my friend was pretty rude about the woman who has clearly had a tough time. Aibu to think she should have been a lot more sensitive?

OP posts:
zaphodbeeble · 08/10/2020 19:46

Your friend’s being a dick

GinnieHempstock · 08/10/2020 19:48

I think the woman is lucky your friend didn’t employ her.

Twickerhun · 08/10/2020 19:48

Sounds like your friend needs to learn How to manage confidentiality - why is she sharing sensitive stuff with you about a stranger?

LynetteScavo · 08/10/2020 19:50

I agree that this information should not have been chatted about with a friend Shock

Original poster
PinkAndFabulous · 08/10/2020 19:50

I have no idea especially as she knows my niece is in a very similar situation. Confused

OP posts:
wigglerose · 08/10/2020 19:56

Those comments are a walking lawsuit. Talk about discrimination.

VainAbigail · 08/10/2020 19:58

Sorry but if my friend told me such information about someone in this manner, I’d have reported her - friend or not.

Bang out of order.

Emmapeeler2 · 08/10/2020 20:01

Blimey. Very unprofessional.

Purpledaisychain · 08/10/2020 20:11

Very unprofessional. Someone who clearly discriminates against those with health conditions has no job working in a recruitment position.

sapnupuas · 08/10/2020 20:12

Seriously?

IHeartKingThistle · 08/10/2020 20:15

Yeah not great. But it's not like TA is an easy option of a job - primary or secondary they need to be on it all the time.

ChaChaCha2012 · 08/10/2020 20:19

This attitude is pretty common amongst employers, and the population in general. Look at the way the government treats disabled people who need to claim benefits, if you're not fully able then you're treated as a 'scrounger'.

Cantbreathe2020 · 08/10/2020 20:21

@ChaChaCha2012

This attitude is pretty common amongst employers, and the population in general. Look at the way the government treats disabled people who need to claim benefits, if you're not fully able then you're treated as a 'scrounger'.
👏🏻👏🏻👏🏻👏🏻👏🏻👏🏻👏🏻
whywhywhy6 · 08/10/2020 20:26

It’s discrimination. Inappropriate for her to tell you, and inappropriate for you to post about someone’s personal situation too.

wheresmymojo · 08/10/2020 20:42

Not only is your friend being an absolute class A twat but she's also most like breached the Equality Act by discriminating against someone with a disability opening up her employers to being (quite rightfully) sued.

iklboo · 08/10/2020 20:43

Yeah not great. But it's not like TA is an easy option of a job - primary or secondary they need to be on it all the time.

Fine, but how does that require 'My friend said to me that it sounded like she was just being lazy as she would 'probably be fine once on treatment.' as a comment?

LoveEatYoga · 08/10/2020 22:44

She sounds awful

But with regards to confidentiality you don't know who the woman is so she hasn't shared any identifiable personal data from the sounds of it?

Elsewyre · 08/10/2020 22:48

She didnt say this to the womans face so she was sensitive.

MasksGlovesSoapScrubs · 08/10/2020 22:52

I hope the lady in question isn't on Mumsnet... pretty outing details. If she were to read here she'd know it was about her.
What a sad little world this can be when people make horrible snide judgements on something they know f all about. I'm glad your friend is healthy and able to work please return her cape to her that was put in lost property.

RichAndThickLikeCoffee · 09/10/2020 02:51

@PinkAndFabulous

I have no idea especially as she knows my niece is in a very similar situation. Confused
Then she is nasty
RichAndThickLikeCoffee · 09/10/2020 02:52

@Elsewyre

She didnt say this to the womans face so she was sensitive.
That makes it ok? The issue is her attitude towards this woman
anotherhumanfemale · 09/10/2020 04:03

@MasksGlovesSoapScrubs

I hope the lady in question isn't on Mumsnet... pretty outing details. If she were to read here she'd know it was about her. What a sad little world this can be when people make horrible snide judgements on something they know f all about. I'm glad your friend is healthy and able to work please return her cape to her that was put in lost property.
I hope she is on Mumsnet and sues.
Ponoka7 · 09/10/2020 04:19

I don't know why you didn't put her straight. You've got personal experience and it was a chance to educate her.

hibeat · 09/10/2020 04:20

Wow. Just a shock. Not all employers are like that. I did not expect that. Please warn her. Next time, if it falls on somebody else's ear that will go very badly, very quickly as she will be entrenched in her ways. Better be warned then sorry. I feel for the woman who applied for the job. You have to walk in those shoes to know. I believe in Karma, wait until the menopause years kick in. 1 in three of us will have cancer, the aftermath is an uphill battle. This is so insensitive.

hibeat · 09/10/2020 04:22

@Purpledaisychain

Very unprofessional. Someone who clearly discriminates against those with health conditions has no job working in a recruitment position.
This.
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