To say "no" to Snapchat?

[WhoWants2Know]

DD is 12 and wants to have Snapchat. Apparently everyone else has it, and she wants to use filters and talk to her friends. To be fair, it is rated 12+.

I'm hesitant for 2 reasons. The first is the questionable content under "Discover Stories". I don't think content like "How to cheat & not get caught" is appropriate, (That's just what popped up when I opened it)

My second concern is with accountability. I don't think giving a load of 12 year olds the ability to send disappearing messages is necessarily going to end well. Even if DD behaves well, is everyone else going to?

So in the interest of getting a wider opinion, what do you all think? Am I being a cruel and heinous monster to deny her the app?

I understand your concerns but at her age she's going to be the odd one, I'm not saying I actually agree with kids on tik tok, Snapchat etc but they are all on it unfortunately, a big majority anyways. Maybe teach her the importance of internet safety etc, keep an eye on her account and give it a trial run or something ?

Some people allow their children apps like tiktok at 9.
I wouldn't allow sc for a 12 year.
Stick to your guns.

We don't allow it. There is adult content and bullying can be a problem

It's the being able to keep an eye on her account that worries me. There isn't any record of what's been sent or received.

I can recommend Safe Lagoon. It records all social media activity . Google Play store. And their customer support is excellent

I’m holding out for as long as I can. Almost 12 year old DD (just started yr 7) got her phone in may, has WhatsApp & TikTok but no more. I have a lot of friends with older teens & they tend to advise waiting as long as possible! I think they really struggle to process what they see and understand how to contextualise it & not aspire to an Insta-life. Luckily DD has already started to notice how people create & inflame drama on WhatsApp which has allowed us to have some really good chats about how people behave, and how to manage it. You do need this conversational aspect though so that they don’t think you are just a fun-sponge who knows nothing, and it allows them to know you hear & respect their own thoughts & knowledge about social media.
I’m aiming for no younger than 13 for Instagram & snapchat. One platform is enough for now, and I think she is learning from that. However, I’ll be guided by her maturity & what kind of people she seems to end up friends with etc etc.

12?
No, I wouldn't, I'd hold off as long as you can
DS13 has only just been allowed social media, and I think that's young enough as it is lol

Dick pics, suicide threats, bullying, body dismorphia.... My neice asked me to convince her mum cause I'm the cool aunt. I said hell no.

Someone committed suicide whilst streaming the whole thing on Tiktok

These apps are dangerous. Hold off as long as you can.

My dd is now 19. Once at secondary school I allowed to go on Snapchat, Instagram etc as it meant she was never 'left out' Like it or not, these platforms are a massive part of their lives and it really helped her to make connections at school and build lasting friendships.

I was very hot on checking her phone until a certain age and she was always happy for me to know her passwords etc.
My approach was to be approachable and to build a a good, open relationship with dd and it really worked.
We always talked openly about internet safety etc and now she's an adult, she says she was far more sensible and honest with me than her friends who weren't allowed on social media!!

'Maybe teach her the importance of internet safety'

Totally agree. The Internet is part of life and imo once in secondary school we have to teach our dc how to deal with it. Banning Snapchat will only make her feel left out.

We definitely had some robust debate about it, without ever fully reaching a firm decision.

Her arguments were mainly that she would only consider adding people who are known to her from school, and who she would like to know better. (throwing in that I had encouraged her to widen her friendship group when she went to secondary school- which is true).

She says that it's easier to remember a Snapchat name than a phone number, and that Snapchat gives you the option of declining a friend request from people you don't know. Whereas your phone number could be shared with anyone who can message you without consent.

I think she understands that I'm not hesitant because of anything that she might do, and it's other people that worry me more. She doesn't think it's fair to restrict her because other people do wrong.

I explained that once you've seen something, there's just no way to unsee it, and those experiences often never really leave you. I described some things that have been sent to me on social media that have bothered me, and she said I was making her uncomfortable. So I explained that if hearing about it is difficult, seeing it is worse, and that it's best not to rush those negative experiences.

Kids just never believe that things will happen to them.

She is just as likely to be bullied for not having Snapchat and Instagram, than be bullied on line. Most kids lives revolve around messaging on these apps. Social life, homework help etc. Best to learn how to use them safely than ban them I think.

DD 12 has a phone and has snapchat for about 6 months now. We have clear rules - I have to know the password to the phone, if at any point I check it and it's different and she hasn't told us first then the phone goes. Her accounts have to be locked down as private as we can get them, she can't accept friend requests from anyone she doesn't directly know.
We talk about internet safety and I've made it clear that it's not that I don't trust her, but that I'm trying to keep her safe. If I see news stories where grooming etc has taken place, I've discussed it with her (in an age appropriate manner) and how it should be handled, she can always talk to me etc. She has come to me before when someone kept requesting her and she wasn't sure who it was but they had some friends in common. I explained that's how sometimes grooming starts and so we agreed that she block him. The next day he messaged her friend saying he was 19 and did she want to be his girlfriend I don't know her friends parents at all but DD convinced her friend to block him too.
I'm still not sure that we're handling it right but feel that if I can keep an open relationship with her, it's a good way of keeping her safe 🤷‍♀️
So hard this parenting lark!!

Nope my young teen got sent a request and message from a randomer who started of as hi, shall we be friends then said send me pictures of your tits / fanny. Her excuse for accepting the request was they may have been from her school 😒

They can have snapchat maps on aswell so people can see exactly where they are all the times. So this randomer who my daughter accepted could track her to our exact bloody address.