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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To have let this comment rattle me?

27 replies

Thisisnotmyid · 07/10/2020 22:17

Last year DH attended his brothers stag in last Vegas. It was booked a good few months before the wedding and unfortunately since covid the wedding has been postponed.

I met an old male friend today who commented on how DH must have had a great time without me in Vegas with the boys. I guess it was the insinuation of what I don’t know won’t hurt me.

I have always fully trusted DH and never had any reason to question him. Nothings ever concerned me before but for some unknown reason I feel really upset and worried. This friend didn’t attend the stag and isn’t in contact with DH.

YABU - it was a daft attempt at humour or
Yanbu - trust your gut and ask DH?

OP posts:
user13745865422563 · 07/10/2020 22:19

You are massively overthinking.

Sparklesocks · 07/10/2020 22:19

He doesn’t talk to your DH, and he wasn’t there. What info do you think he’s privy to that you don’t know? It was just a silly throwaway comment. Otherwise it suggests you don’t trust him as much as you say.

AtTheWinchester · 07/10/2020 22:21

YABU. Let it go OP or it'll fester.

Notimeforaname · 07/10/2020 22:21

If its bothering you enough to post here,it may be worth speaking to your husband about it. Trust your gut and ask him.

Sohardtochooseausername · 07/10/2020 22:21

He’s an idiot. Ignore him.

ShebaShimmyShake · 07/10/2020 22:21

If he really is a friend and not prone to being dickish, I'd say it was a misjudged joke. Even if he is a dick, if you trust your husband and have no problems there, there's no reason for it to be an issue.

Laaalaaaa · 07/10/2020 22:25

Surely it’s just the same as if you had a girls trip and someone said to him that you must have had a great time in Spain with the girls without him? You would know there was no harm in it.

SchrodingersImmigrant · 07/10/2020 22:25

You guess it was to insinuate your DH did something. It seriously more likely was a joke about "the old ball and chain" rather than the other thing.

Agree with pp. The fact that it upsets you like this when nothing proper was even said suggest you are not as secured as you say.

woofwoof1880 · 07/10/2020 22:28

Your worried over a bad joke that a friend who wasn't at the stag do made? What is the real issue here?

Original poster
Thisisnotmyid · 07/10/2020 22:34

Thank you all for your replies.

It really was a dickish comment with a very weird undertone. I feel terrible for overthinking but for some reason it’s really upset me.

OP posts:
Justmuddlingalong · 07/10/2020 22:38

I think it sounds like a misplaced attempt at humour. Is there a back story that's making you feel unsettled by what he said?

Sweetmotherofallthatisholyabov · 07/10/2020 22:41

I think both. Id assume it's a stupid comment but I know if I went to DH laughing and said yer mans after saying this and it's festering ..... he'd immediately reassure me. So I'd listen to my gut... I just might not trust it.

eatsleepread · 07/10/2020 22:44

YABU. I'm sure the guy didn't mean it personally, or to cause offence!

Original poster
Thisisnotmyid · 07/10/2020 22:50

@Justmuddlingalong no backstory. DH is generally a good egg and would most likely tell me I’m being utterly daft.

@Sweetmotherofallthatisholyabov for some reason my gut is not settling and I’ve never had that before

OP posts:
Justmuddlingalong · 07/10/2020 22:53

When you say he's an old friend, do you mean a friend you've known a long time or an older person?

Original poster
Thisisnotmyid · 07/10/2020 23:02

Someone me and DH have known for a number of years but I’m more likely to talk to him. He’s only a year or two older than us.

I gave in and asked DH. He’s annoyed that I’ve let this upset me so much. He says he’s just someone who likes to stir things but he’s never caused a problem before with anyone that I’ve known of.

OP posts:
Mydogmylife · 07/10/2020 23:03

Overthinking by a country mile - as someone said on another thread - do a frozen ( let it gooooooo!!!)

Justmuddlingalong · 07/10/2020 23:06

Ah OK. Just wondered if it was a generational thing. Like an "out from under the thumb for a lads trip" kind of joke.
I'm not seeing it as an insinuation of anything untoward, but that's irrelevant. It's upset you and I think you and DH need to work out why his comment is causing you grief and suspicion.

UnRavellingFast · 07/10/2020 23:07

IME friends who make this sort of remark are- possibly subconsciously - trying to unsettle you bc they are jealous of happiness, feel threatened by your happy rs or are just mean spirited and enjoy subtle digs. Ignore completely IMO.

nimbuscloud · 07/10/2020 23:09

Does your dh now think that you don’t trust him??

CoffeeInAnIV · 07/10/2020 23:11

You're overthinking it. Let it go before it turns into something completely different in your mind.

seayork2020 · 07/10/2020 23:12

I would say it is one of those boring things people say when the words bloke and Vegas is mentioned abit like 'Essex = fake tan & nails & Prosecco' cliched and getting very old

(I am neither from Vegas nor Essex)

MoonJelly · 07/10/2020 23:13

Friend was clearly talking about what he personally might do in that situation. He clearly has no idea what your husband did.

category12 · 07/10/2020 23:17

Is old "friend" a stirring bastard or what?

Does he have a sexual interest in you?

Either that or his judging your DH on his own standards.

Original poster
Thisisnotmyid · 07/10/2020 23:21

@Mydogmylife thank you, that’s a good mantra to have!

@nimbuscloud I have promised DH I do trust him I’m just so unsure why a silly comment has upset me so much.

@category12 I don’t think so, he’s married also but he does have a history of cheating. He’s on his 3rd marriage.

OP posts:
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