Phasing out a friend

[Wannabangbang]

This is really hard for me to write but I've been friends with my mate now since nursery, we've had gaps in our friendship throughout the years and when we reconnected again i found out she had lost all four of her children due to an abusive partner, all four have now been adopted. I was deeply saddened to hear this and tried to be there for her and throughout the last 10 or so years weve remained firm friends. But at the moment I'm finding it difficult being her friend upon realising she has started see the very person responsible for her losing her children and according to her they are making a proper go of it. I cannot support this but at the same time i also don't want to get involved, her partner is very menacing and i don't want it coming back on me should i say anything. This man has now got 3 more children with another woman but has recently been arrested and accused of being physically abusive to one of the girls. But my friend is standing by him although this is history repeating. I just cannot condone this behaviour and it's made me realise why what happened happened. She obviously puts a man before her dc. How do i faze her out without it being obvious? I'm shocked and astounded she cannot see this before her eyes. I want to ve there for her but feel i would be supporting this carcrash

I would say that your friend needs you more now than she ever did. She is likely being coerced by the ex partner and very likely she will be used in some way to clear his name for abusing one of the girls.
It is so frustrating when we can see where another person is going wrong and they just can not see it.

If you want to phase her out just see less of her and keep on reducing time spent with her.
Or you could be a real friend and give her both barrels on why this is not a good idea to get involved with the same man again

I guess you are right, it's just so hard seeing it all again. Just wish there was a way to get her to listen without fear of a reprisal from him and his family.

@Wannabangbang The reason I made such a strong statement above is that I phased someone out in not quite as bad a situation as your friend but bad enough. I really regret it now as I have no contact and can not know what is going on currently. I also know that I was not the only person to disappear from their life. I think this is a classic move for an abuser to get rid of anyone who may stand up to the abuser. By doing this the abuser can control and abuse all the more.
Iwish I had even raised my voice at the abusive person who is around the person that I know. I may not have succeeded but I would know that I gave it my best shot

Sorry to hear that, so tough isn't it. Abusers do, do that it's very true, one by one they get rid of everyone

@Wannabangbang If at all possible try to stick around because she will need you at some time in the future. It will be hard I don't doubt that but she needs to have someone. Does your person have family on her side or have they left the scene? Even the fact that you are around will make sure this guy does not do too much. He will not be able to stand up to a stronger person. Do you have back up like a partner or suitable brother? These types are afraid of anyone who can talk back at them. They are cowards.