To think I will always have Imposter Syndrome?

[daisychain1620]

I love my job, a dream job that I grew up saying I wanted to do. I am so grateful to have achieved it and have been working here for three years now.
However I constantly feel like I'm running full pelt to just keep up. I constantly feel stressed and on edge thinking that I've forgotten to do something or I've done something wrong. I feel like everyone around me knows everything and they all seem super confident and capable. Its got to the point where if someone phones me or an email comes through I have a small panic and wondering what I've messed up. Surely this is not normal.
I know that others feel like this, some of my colleagues have light-heartedly said they have Imposter syndrome but I really am an Imposter! I have no business being here lol. I have never had negative feedback and my managers are positive about my performance and generally supportive. I try to have a firm word with myself and tell myself I am as good as everyone else but working from home I think is exacerbating my feelings and am considering talking to my manager to say I'm not sure if I'm right for my position anymore.
Sorry this was a long post! Has anyone else had these feelings and will they ever go away?

I would put money on the fact your colleagues feel the same way about you as you do about them, ie she's so great how does she do it all. Everyone has confidence issues at a time in their career but I think you have to keep reminding yourself your boss is happy with you so you are very much up to the job.

I am concerned about you feeling you are going full pelt all the time though, is there any way of delegating any part of your job at all even for a small amount of time?

I know deep down that other people say they have Imposter syndrome but mine just won't leave me lol.
Maybe full pelt isn't the right term. If there is 'down time' or work is a little slack I will be reading and researching and going over stuff to make sure I'm up to date with everything and to try to make sure I know everything. I don't think anyone else needs to do this.

I know this is irrational but it's really annoying to always feel that I'm crap, I've never felt like this in any job or aspect of my life to this extent.

I think working from home is exacerbating this, I feel the same. When I’m at the physical office I am in the zone and don’t feel that imposter syndrome so much. At home I overthink, can’t bounce ideas off people informally, can’t gauge body language or nuance. I don’t feel as though I’m as assertive on the phone/Webex and feel that my team just think that I’m a wet blanket.
If it helps I think the best leaders I’ve met have the biggest imposter syndrome, it keeps them in check and progressive. But mine feels unhealthy.

I am 100% the same.
I have started counselling because it was affecting the way i slept. I.e. 2 to 3 hours sleep a night as i was worrying about work
Its about changing your mindset but is v v v hard. Im 4 weeks in on counselling and its slowly getting better.

A lot of people feel like this, you are not alone! Remember you know yourself from the inside, all your anxieties and fear, you only know of others what they choose to show you.

Make a mistake or two a week for a month. Something small. On purpose. Observe the sky not falling in. Bonus effect: become more popular with your colleagues by not being little miss perfect.

Seriously, let yourself cross the imaginary line into being seen to be crap and the sunlight of reality will kill off the festering bits growing in your mind that you have been feeding and watering in the dark.

The fact you’re doing all that additional research and fact checking says to me you’re on top of your game - not that you’ve fallen behind.

Working from home definitely makes it worse, it’s a cliche but remember it’s ok sometimes to be surviving, you don’t have to thriving all day every day.

After reading a post on FB suggesting it, I have started to imagine Donald Trump saying aloud all the negative and critical thoughts I have about myself.
It actually works, try it! 😁
(Or swap Donald for another ridiculous character)

Maybe you should change your career?
I used to work in executive search and was very good at it, but I hated feeling out of my depth all the time. I would dread meetings and felt anxious a lot. Like I was surrounded by grownups and I wasn’t a real one.......
I changed career to something completely different and now earn money online doing very little and I’m my own boss.

Today I popped into a hotel early to use the loo. There were two women walking in, carrying document cases, clearly there for a meeting. Seeing them made me feel a bit sick, remembering how walking into hotels for meetings made me feel and I felt so glad and grateful I left it all behind.

You may be good at what you do, but consider if this is what you really want for your life.

Imposter syndrome does quieten down over time in my experience. It does seem it’s pretty intense with you OP right now - does your employer have an Employee Assistance line? I do think some counselling might be helpful to challenge some of your negative thinking. There is a really cool School of Life video on Youtube about self compassion - maybe check it out?

I don't think you should feel like that, especially if you've been there 3 years.
Definitely talk to your manager, if one of my team felt like this then I would absolutely want to know so that we could figure out together how I could support them better.
Maybe it's your gut instinct telling you the role isn't right but maybe there's something your manager can do to make you feel trusted and empowered.

I do understand you and felt a lot of this till I read Kate Patterson’s first book . Also getting older and less perfectionist helps . At leat there’s a name for it now , you are not alone .

I agree with @Spanielmadness

I had the dream job that I’d wanted since childhood and spent years training for. I was very good at it. But I constantly felt like you do and after 5 years it wore me down so much I could no longer sustain that effort.

Now I work in a completely different job and I absolutely love it. I’m no longer questioning myself and when I get home, I switch off completely from work.

I’m not saying you should necessarily quit your career. But at the same time, if it’s really affecting you, maybe consider whether you’d be happier doing something else. I had to let go of those “but it’s always been my dream/ I’ve spent so long on this/ this is my identity” thoughts before I could move on- life’s too short to hold yourself back.

Thank you for all your replies and experiences.
Sometimes I do think maybe this is just not for me but I love my job and have worked hard to get here so I just want to stick it out, I also know deep down that I'm not the worst and that if I was doing anything wrong I'd be informed by now. I do tend to over think everything. Its probably more about switching my logical head on, I may not be amazing but I'm certain I'm not a disaster. Why does our brain torture us
The Donald Trump idea made me laugh!

I think it depends on the industry you're in.
If messing up can have a significant impact (for example, if you're an OB GYN or an air traffic controller), I think stress is naturally part of the territory and won't ever fully go away. In these career paths, it pays not to be complacent and you really can't make mistakes.
Of course, to err is human, so it is key that your co-workers and managers support you and there is the framework in place for you to thrive.
If a call or email came through and it was a complaint, do you have a team behind you to back you up? If not, I can see why you might feel concerned.
Try to remember to be kind to yourself. It sounds as though you are a conscientious and responsible employee. If a good friend or sibling was in your shoes, what advice would you give them? I bet you wouldn't be telling them they're not good enough.
At the end of the day though, if you're not happy, you don't have to stay. The world is your oyster and 3 years is definitely 'giving it a good go'.
Is it a career you could take a break from for a while to see if something else is a better fit? Would working for a different company be an option?