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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To not want to be touched during pregnancy?

16 replies

YouThereYeahYou · 07/10/2020 16:24

Did anyone else find that they absolutely hated people trying to touch their stomachs during pregnancy?

I can't stand being touched a lot of the time as it is. I have a thing about it, so much so that I don't think I'll be able to or want to breastfeed because the thought of my breasts being touched fills me with dread and makes me feel sick. Sounds strange but it's also the same with the baby moving. I like it in one way because it's a nice sign that things are going okay but at the same time the feeling makes me nauseous and I'll often try and shift position to get him/her to stop.

So I'm not sure if this is just me being me or if it's normal? I just about let DH touch my belly sometimes when baby is moving but I hate it. I've managed to avoid my mum doing so so far but she keeps saying she'd like to feel them move sometime. I've had a few people try and asked them politely not to.

It makes me shiver like someone is stepping on my grave and makes me so uncomfortable. Is it just me?

OP posts:

Chocolateforlunch · 07/10/2020 16:30

I don’t blame you for not wanting anyone to touch your belly. The only person I want to touch my pregnant belly is my partner. I wouldn’t usually want people to touch me there so why just because there’s a baby in there should they be allowed to?

As for feeling baby kick, that’s entirely different, I love that and it’s a great relief every time I feel him to know he’s safe and well, so I can’t really relate, maybe someone else can offer advice on that one!

Original poster

YouThereYeahYou · 07/10/2020 16:32

Yeah I'm aware the kicking thing probably isn't the norm. And as I say I do find it a comfort in one sense as it's a relief like you say but I just don't enjoy the sensation.

OP posts:

Sundries · 07/10/2020 16:42

I smacked away hands when pregnant I think it's incredibly rude to assume someone's body is available for a feel because it's carrying a baby. Fortunately my resting bitch face meant not very many people tried. Also, the word probably got round that I smacked away the hand of an eminent historian in the lift.--

I didn't mind the sensation of the baby moving, but there's no doubt that it's very weird to feel a living being doing its own thing inside you, so I don't blame you. DS, who was a lively foetus, once knocked over a cup of coffee I'd balanced on my bump. Fortunately not very hot.

Don't beat yourself up. Pregnancy is pretty strange and animalistic.

LeSquigh · 07/10/2020 18:44

I don't like being touched by anyone other than my partner or kids at the best of times but when I was pregnant I threatened people with physical violence many times if they even so much as looked like they were planning on touching me!

user12345796 · 07/10/2020 18:53

Nobody ever tried to touch me and I was pregnant 4 times. I must have a rbf

CoalCraft · 07/10/2020 19:54

I like DH doing it but otherwise I hate the very thought of it. The only person who's dove it is my gran and I have to grit my teeth and look away to keep from snipping at her, awful though it sounds. It's not that it feels physically unpleasant or anything, it's that I perceive it as somehow possessive or presumptuous... I know that sounds very weird and precious and I haven't said anything because I know gran doesn't mean anything by it and would be very hurt... but I'm glad no one else has dared!

Obviously midwives etc. Can touch a way during their exams.

rosegoldivy · 07/10/2020 19:57

One of DHs close older family members would always try and put one hand on small of my back and use the other to caress my bump. She had been warned and would keep trying. Until I snapped. And shouted at her. In the middle of asda. And she looked like she was going to cry, so I cried instead and ran away.

She never tried to touch my bump again and I still cringe reliving it.

blubberball · 07/10/2020 20:05

Yep, I didn't want to be touched during pregnancy either. I knew my mum really wanted to feel my baby move, but she never said. I put her hand on my bump one time, and let her feel him move. She thanked me, as she knew that I did it for her.

Nottherealslimshady · 07/10/2020 20:05

I hate being touched, it's well known in my family though, the only people I hug are my husband and nieces. I will be hitting hands away, I dont yet have a bump but I am ready for the all kinds of invasions of a pregnant woman's body.

Mamette · 07/10/2020 20:07

I think it’s completely normal to feel this way. Don’t worry too much about breastfeeding though, as you might feel differently at the time (or you might not).

GirlCalledJames · 07/10/2020 20:11

Those stomach touchers are usually touching your bowels. The baby is further down. Might be worth mentioning to them.
I had the feeling that my son got his feet somewhere into one of my organs. He would twist his foot and I would feel a deep sense of dread. Who knows what they are poking in there. Seems reasonable to move around to get them to stop.

SnackSizeRaisin · 07/10/2020 20:15

It seems to be mainly people who work in the NHS that have this odd bump touching thing. I know a few who work there who complain of this. I never had anyone want to touch me thank goodness!

4amWitchingHour · 07/10/2020 20:15

One of the silver linings of being heavily pregnant in lockdown was that no-one could get near enough to touch my bump

Re breastfeeding - I worried about this too. My DS is now 2 months old and apart from sometimes the flutter sucking irritating me when it goes on for a while, I've actually been fine and not feeling too touched out (at least not by DS - DH doesn't really get a look in atm!)

NameChange30 · 07/10/2020 20:15

20% have voted YABU?! WTF?!
YANBU at all. Your body. Pregnancy is bad enough without people pawing at your bump.
Fight 'em off

Suzi888 · 07/10/2020 20:19

No, you are not alone. I didn’t mind people touching my belly but I disliked the baby moving around and elbows or legs coming out. I avoided baths. I’m very squeamish and would try and shift position in bed so I couldn’t feel it. It is a relief when they kick obviously, but also made me feel slightly sick. I told my mum and she said she felt the same when she was having me. Most people seem to love it though, so I think we are probably in the minority! I didn’t get badgered to breast feed and I wasn’t planning on doing it anyway. However I ended up having a C section, didn’t produce any milk for four days and when I did it just wasn’t enough. I wanted to do it once she was here and was a bit disappointed I couldn’t! Typical!

Sexnotgender · 07/10/2020 20:22

YANBU, I fucking hate being touched.

I would never touch someone else without their permission. So rude.

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