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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Will postnatal therapy help?

4 replies

Trying888 · 07/10/2020 15:17

Has anyone had therapy to address birth/postnatal issues? I haven't suffered from PND but I have got a lot of hang ups regarding my birth (Emergency CS), unsuccessful BF and my general lack of ability to cope/adjust in the first few weeks. I didn't experience the initial rush of love and even now I know I love my DC but at the same time i'm constantly worrying if it's enough/i'm enough/i do enough.

I've pushed it all to the back of my mind and carried on but now we're TTC again and it's back at the forefront.

It's also affected my relationship with my MIL, I can't get past things she did in the first weeks/months which are seemingly small things so I know IAMBU. E.g., struggling to BF and feeling guilt over bottles I only wanted myself/DH to feed as I felt it was part of the bonding (which I was struggling with). DH took baby to hers and she fed them a bottle. DH called me whilst there and I said I didn't really want that but she then fell over herself to tell me the next time I saw her...knowing it wasn't what I wanted. DH was probably a bit to blame but I genuinely don't think he realised her intentions whereas as a woman I felt she was very switched on to my feelings and would purposely be manipulative to get her own way/power struggle against me. Every time I saw her she'd whip baby out of my arms and not give them back when crying, walking away from me. If i said baby needed X she'd always say no its Y...undermining and ignoring my mothering instincts every single time. Just to not agree/prove she was more experienced etc. She also constantly badgered me to leave the baby with her on its own whilst I felt it was too young...consequently I still haven't left DC with her and DC is now nearly 2 and I literally cringe in her presence as i'm so uncomfortable. There are more instances but I think it's more about me reacting to her behaviour, I can't shrug things off like my friends do with their MIL.

I know this isn't normal to behave/feel like this after all of this time. Has anyone had therapy and do you think it'd help me process/move on? And if so can anyone recommend where to look for help?

OP posts:
Premiuml · 07/10/2020 16:37

Sorry I am a bit confused Confused
Is this not you?
www.mumsnet.com/Talk/baby_names/a4013304-Sibling-for-Arthur-India?msgid=99690142#99690142

How can you be TTC when you already know the sex of your next child?

Trying888 · 07/10/2020 16:53

@premiuml So I tweak to avoid being outed...hang me out to dry. The stage of my pregnancy doesn't affect the issue i'm asking about. But thanks anyway.

OP posts:
JinxandBinx · 07/10/2020 17:37

If you are already under midwifery care, you can see if they offer a debriefing service regarding the Caesarean section you had, if this was a traumatic experience they can talk through it with you and help to try and put you in a more positive mind frame with regards to this baby’s delivery
Also, lots of of women don’t feel that initial rush of love that we speak about, but a lot of them don’t want to say this as they believe people will think this means they don’t love their baby. This is definitely not the case, but it isn’t spoken about a whole lot outside of PND.

Sorry, I can’t help with the MIL side of things because I am the type of person to tell people to “Jeff Off” if they are giving me unsolicited advice.

But please talk to your midwife about your concerns and see if they can offer any support. Hope this helps Flowers

SunbathingDragon · 07/10/2020 17:41

I had PND and PTSD after the birth of one of my children and therapy didn’t help. I hope it does for you.

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