Has anyone had therapy to address birth/postnatal issues? I haven't suffered from PND but I have got a lot of hang ups regarding my birth (Emergency CS), unsuccessful BF and my general lack of ability to cope/adjust in the first few weeks. I didn't experience the initial rush of love and even now I know I love my DC but at the same time i'm constantly worrying if it's enough/i'm enough/i do enough.
I've pushed it all to the back of my mind and carried on but now we're TTC again and it's back at the forefront.
It's also affected my relationship with my MIL, I can't get past things she did in the first weeks/months which are seemingly small things so I know IAMBU. E.g., struggling to BF and feeling guilt over bottles I only wanted myself/DH to feed as I felt it was part of the bonding (which I was struggling with). DH took baby to hers and she fed them a bottle. DH called me whilst there and I said I didn't really want that but she then fell over herself to tell me the next time I saw her...knowing it wasn't what I wanted. DH was probably a bit to blame but I genuinely don't think he realised her intentions whereas as a woman I felt she was very switched on to my feelings and would purposely be manipulative to get her own way/power struggle against me. Every time I saw her she'd whip baby out of my arms and not give them back when crying, walking away from me. If i said baby needed X she'd always say no its Y...undermining and ignoring my mothering instincts every single time. Just to not agree/prove she was more experienced etc. She also constantly badgered me to leave the baby with her on its own whilst I felt it was too young...consequently I still haven't left DC with her and DC is now nearly 2 and I literally cringe in her presence as i'm so uncomfortable. There are more instances but I think it's more about me reacting to her behaviour, I can't shrug things off like my friends do with their MIL.
I know this isn't normal to behave/feel like this after all of this time. Has anyone had therapy and do you think it'd help me process/move on? And if so can anyone recommend where to look for help?