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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To worry for my niece

7 replies

Ucghoycgh · 07/10/2020 14:45

She's not my niece by blood. She's my partner's niece. But she is mine too as far as I'm concerned.

Partner's family are decent people. Partner's sister is a a good respectable job in the NHS. She is 41 and her partner is 50. There child is 6. She was IVF after problems with the husband's supply. He left his last wife because she didn't want children. So we all fully expected him to be a really great dad.

He was useless from the start in regards to nappies etc. Fairly common with men I know. But he got lazier and lazier as time went on. He's in a decent job too. But he is either working or in the pub. He eats out every night. He's severely overweight. He's selfish in regards to housework and gardening.

Partner's mum has always done really strange things to support them. Rather than sil leave this man her mum has taken over his jobs.

3 years ago there big dog nicked food off my father in law's plate. They will never put the dogs away when anyone eats there. My kids have often been too scared to eat with 2 big dogs grunting at them and trying to snatch food. Yet they never shut them in the other room. So anyway dog pinches father in law's food. He told the dog off and tapped it's nose. Not hard. Just to get the dog down. Sister in law's husband banned him from the house. But he happily still let mother in law go around to continue her role as cleaner, dog sitter and child sitter.

Mil sleeps over three nights a week and leaves her husband to support them. For example they can't walk the dogs and get the kid up for school so she stays over for this reason.

Sister in law had coronavirus two months ago. Her lazy husband cooked for himself but wouldn't cook for her or the child. So sil was still being mum and he wouldn't do a thing to help. He left the house a tip. My niece got scared and said who will look after me if you die mummy. She said nanny will!

Her own dad lives there. But nanny will do it!! Nanny who's 70!

Anyway sil had to go out the other night. Apparently our niece stayed with her dad and screamed hysterically the whole time he was caring for her.

Now I know kids have their moments. But a six year old shouldn't be screaming hysterically about being with her dad should she?

I know he's rubbish with her. But this breaks my heart. The fact they keep ignoring his behaviour and letting him.continue to act like he does.

In your views is this concerning? That poor child must really feel disconnected from him?!

OP posts:
GoldfishParade · 07/10/2020 14:50

It is but there is nothing you can do. What does your partner say?

Ucghoycgh · 07/10/2020 14:53

He thinks the same as me. His dad definitely can't stand the man. His mum just seems to be really nieve and talks about him like a giant toddler. She actually said once he's started doing his own shirts up now. What a ridiculous comment.

I think because she's alone and has no siblings it must be so much harder for her. She seems to be a really anxious child now. Very sad. But you are right what can we do.

OP posts:
GoldfishParade · 07/10/2020 15:04

Hiw close are you to SIL? Cant you befriend her?

FooFighter99 · 07/10/2020 15:19

Granted you can't do much about her feckless father, but you can be an amazing auntie and shower her with love and affection Smile

Minimumstandard · 07/10/2020 15:46

Poor child! Sorry to be nosy, but how stable is your relationship with your partner? You don't want to get really involved only to have to drop out of her life later. If you're good, can you have your niece over for a sleepover once a fortnight with Auntie ucghoycgh to give her some fun and attention (and mummy and grandma a break)?

Ucghoycgh · 07/10/2020 17:16

She's over an hour away unfortunately and we don't see her now because of covid etc. It just makes me so cross to think adults are putting her through this over doing the right thing and sorting the issues. She knows her daddy hates her grandad. She doesn't associate him with safety. Her nanny is basically another mum to her but she's getting older.

I have been with my partner the best part of ten years and we have kids. So I've been on the scene for a long time now. We are stable as far as the future is concerned. Got some boredom going on but unlikely to be seperating. It's just a dry patch I guess!

Poor child though. Just hope they don't mess her whole childhood up with it. I wish I could hang their heads together.

OP posts:
LadyEloise · 07/10/2020 19:15

Are your children close in age to your niece ?
Could you build up a relationship that way.
Could your partner talk to his Mum ?
Or your partner and his Dad sit her down and talk to her about facilitating sil's partner to the detriment og her grand daughter ?

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