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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

How to not waste my time as a stay at home Mum

23 replies

yesiamyesiamokaycallmeback · 07/10/2020 12:36

I will have been a sahm for 11 years by the time my youngest is in recetpion- I have done almost nothing for myself in all this time. I 'haven't had the time' but once youngest is in school and I have to get a job I really won't have the time.

so what do all you sahms do to not waste your time while children are still little?

OP posts:
Mumdiva99 · 07/10/2020 12:39

I can tell you what not to do....don't get overly invested in threads on MN about deadbeat dads and house purchases!!

I get involved in school. But that's hard until your youngest is in school. Before that I volunteered through preschool.

nestisflown · 07/10/2020 12:40

Not sure what you mean by not waste your time. Do you mean a hobby? A career? Quality time with your kids?

Alexandernevermind · 07/10/2020 12:42

You haven't wasted your time, you have been raising children, but I know what you mean. Have you though about an OU course?

Alexandernevermind · 07/10/2020 12:43

Sorry, thought!

LavenderQuartz · 07/10/2020 12:44

yes i second OU

Pangwin · 07/10/2020 12:45

Well for starters, don't ever sit down. That is my downfall. As soon as I sit down, I stare at my phone or watch crap on tv and lose all productivity. Maybe come up with something that interests you and set aside a bit of time each day to concentrate on that one thing.

Waveysnail · 07/10/2020 12:47

Get skills. Get qualifications. What do you want to do once kids are older? Do you want to go back to work?

RuggerHug · 07/10/2020 12:49

How do you mean waste your time? Because it's pretty full on as far as 'jobs' go.

DayKay · 07/10/2020 12:50

I did courses, got an online job, read books, listened to current affairs programmes and podcasts then got a job in a school when youngest started school.

bridgetreilly · 07/10/2020 12:54

Feed your children, keep them and the house relatively clean, spend time playing with them, talking to them, reading to them, cuddling them. Nothing more important to spend your time on, imo.

chromis · 07/10/2020 12:57

Housework/food prep etc expands to fill the time available.
Drop kids at school then do your thing first for a couple of hours whether thats fitness/study/hobby.

chromis · 07/10/2020 12:59

Oh and read the MN threads about tips for simplifying life for working parents to see if you can make your day-to-day more efficient. e.g. quick meals.

HiHoHiHoBackToSchoolWeGo · 07/10/2020 13:21

@Mumdiva99 that's great exactly how I've just spent the last hour or so 😂

That was after reading the thread about how not to procrastinate...

For the record I'm not a SAHM, but self-employed and wfh.

WellyBootsAreYouFrom · 07/10/2020 13:24

I'm on the school fundraising committee, the local village committee and another local council committee - that keeps my brain going abs distracts me from the constant unicorns and lego at home.

Eviebeans · 07/10/2020 13:25

Have you given any thought to what you might like to do once the children are at school?

Eviebeans · 07/10/2020 13:26

What did you do before you had children?

Holiday21plea · 07/10/2020 13:26

It depends OP. How many children do you have? How old are they.

What would you like to do? You could volunteer.

dottiedodah · 07/10/2020 13:27

Well My DC are older now ,and I have not returned to work save for a very P/T job for a few years.I dont really know what you mean by "wasting your time" at home .Surely being there for DC, not having to worry about childcare and so on, is not wasting time its doing a very important if somewhat undervalued job looking after the next Generation! I take the dog for a nice long walk by the sea (we live about 10 mins drive away) see a chum or catch up on house chores /washing in the mornings .After lunch usually second dog walk ,some MN time and prepping Supper! Still see my friends )although quiz night off due to you know what until further notice!

HiHoHiHoBackToSchoolWeGo · 07/10/2020 13:29

On a serious note, I don't think many SAHM do 'waste their time'. My two are under 4 and full time at nursery and my busiest and most hardworking days are the weekends when they're both at home. (I work in a professional, and can be very full on at times, job which in normal times requires a lot of travelling around for work.)

I agree with pp about the not sitting down though, because I do that it becomes far to easy to lose hours at a time just doing sweet FA, what with distractions from phone, tv, pottering etc.

If you can be organised and plan your day/activities for the kids, that would be more productive.

When you return to the workplace, whether wfh or not, I would make sure you have systems in place for everything, e.g. cleaner (if you can afford it), online grocery deliveries and online shopping generally and for doing laundry/general admin type stuff. You need to do as much as possible to keep those weekends clear, not just for you but for your family.

Spotsandstars · 07/10/2020 13:31

Hmmm, it's funny as a society how much the swing against being a sahm has happened. You are now ingrained to feel that if you are not filling every element of your day then you are lazy, unproductive and sponging off you husband.
I have taken a deliberate decision to not allow that viewpoint to colour my life. Having the opportunity to sahm is wonderful, you are able to do all school runs, not juggle childcare, not feel all the guilt that working parents have to navigate. The house is generally clean and somewhat tidy (but not immaculate because I don't want the kids to feel they are living in a museum). DH is relieved from the pressure of cooking and cleaning etc when he's been out doing a physical job (but will pitch in at weekends willingly). I have started adding in some exercise during the day as I need to lose weight and I get to fit in monthly waxing appointments or occasionally a facial so am feeling more like a person than just mummy. The dog is cared for, I see my widowed parent at least once a week AND I enjoy my lunch watching Netflix. (I also do a bit of working from home, but not as much currently as I could but I refuse to feel guilty for it).

Don't get hung up on how productive you are in comparison to what the world thinks is acceptable. Just do what's good for your family, your relationship and yourself.

mummytothree87 · 07/10/2020 13:40

I'm not a stay at home mum but I only work weekends so I'm doing a degree with the ou as it gives me.something to focus on when kids are napping or in bed. At least that way once I've completed that and kids are in school I'll have something extra to stick on my cv. U can do stand alone modules to make sure u like it first or go onto openlearn and complete free courses

DaisyandRoses · 07/10/2020 13:46

I would go swimming, start a hobby such as sewing and making clothes for myself and the kids, do loads of cooking/ baking, get the house exactly how I want it, drink endless tea/ coffee, plan nice things to do after school, at the weekends and in the holidays, spend time with friends/ family. If I had some spare time, and found a local charity I would like to volunteer with children or with somewhere like citizens advice.

I hate the pressure to ‘achieve’ something when you’re a SAHM though. You’re not answerable to anyone. Unless you really want to brush up on skills then just relax and enjoy your time at home!

AuntieLydia · 07/10/2020 13:59

Agree with PPs about the OU.
It's brilliant, I got a maths degree over the 6 years I stayed at home, even though I failed horribly at school. The tutors are used to people who are scared of maths.
A friend has just started with the OU. She wasn't able to help her kids with their homework and it made her realise how little she knew.

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