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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to be sick of my moaning negative work colleagues

29 replies

user985230 · 06/10/2020 14:30

I have been off sick from my job for the last 6 months and I am due back next week. I have been popping into my work place the past couple of weeks just to boost my confidence about returning and help with the anxiety around it.
Every time I go in there are three colleagues who constantly moan about how bad things are, how everyone has had enough and are having no support from management. I'm sick of them moaning already and thats when I just pop in for 10 minutes I don't know how I am going to cope working a full day with them moaning.
Does anyone know of any books out there that can help me to cope with negative people? I don't think my illness has helped as I use to have a lot of patience for people but now I think my mindset has changed a lot.

OP posts:
LemmysAceCard · 06/10/2020 14:39

so their moans are not valid because you dont want to hear it? They have been there for the past 6 months and know what it is like, maybe they are not being supported by management and are on burn out.

6 months is a long time to be off sick and sounds like it was quite serious so i hope you are on the road to recovery OP. But give your colleagues some slack, they genuinely might have had enough.

CakeRequired · 06/10/2020 14:46

I hope you are recovering too. Your colleagues though have been dealing with your work and theirs though from the sounds of it if they are upset with management (guess they didn't bother getting anyone in to help out while you were off sick). It's management they are upset at and rightly so if they haven't helped them cope. A good manager would have done that.

nosswith · 06/10/2020 14:51

Will they moan for a whole day? They may just be glad to have someone to vent their feelings.

sbhydrogen · 06/10/2020 14:55

I hate working with people who moan all day! It's why I left retail, CBAAAAAA with that.

Goosefoot · 06/10/2020 14:58

Moaning at work can be a problem, as often it doesn't help but makes everyone even more miserable.

But it may be that they are talking about it on your visits because you have been away, and if things are that bad I am no surprised that it is at the top of their minds. It may be less constant when you are properly back at work.

JumperTime · 06/10/2020 15:00

YANBU. Constant whining at work brings everyone down. We have a negative nelly who moans constantly and along with an incompetent manger is the reason I've handed in my notice, and not just me, 2 other long term members of staff also left recently. Yes things have been difficult in the work place recently but my colleagues whinging predates covid and I'd had enough. Not an environment I want to spend my days in.

StephenBelafonte · 06/10/2020 15:04

Are they carers? If so, it's just part of the culture really.

A moaning carer is a happy carer Grin

Howlooseisyourgoose · 06/10/2020 15:04

YANBU. Everyone loves a moan but they should have enough emotional intelligence to realise when it’s time to change the subject.

BlueJava · 06/10/2020 15:19

Perhaps they are not sure what to talk about as they haven't seen you for so long. It could also been that they are a little pissed off about you going in whilst off sick and not working whilst they are maxxed out (I don't know if you feel that could be true or not). Either way just maintain a positive attitude when you're back and don't become too involved in their complaints. My experience is if you are cracking through the work there is little time for chatter anyway.

LolaSmiles · 06/10/2020 15:22

YANBU
I find it easier to let them have their couple of minutes and then find an excuse to get into another task, or make a cup of tea, or need to leave.

We all have days where we have gripes and need to let off steam, but I found I was much happier at work keeping my distance from the negative Nancys and Nigels.

Hardbackwriter · 06/10/2020 15:23

What's the job? Back when we were in the office I had to use headphones to drown out my constantly moaning colleague - now I just ignore her on teams!

Justwingingmotherhood · 06/10/2020 15:28

@StephenBelafonte dont tar every carer with the same brush Wink I work with a fantastic team. And if they do moan its probably because of the lack of respect we recieve Smile

daisychain1620 · 06/10/2020 15:28

Oh I feel your pain, I can't stand mindless moaning. Sometimes a quick vent is good for the soul but constant moaning is awful. Moaning about things that won't change is pointless and moaning about something that needs addressed needs to be directed at those who can address it.
When you're back to work don't join in, maybe change the subject of conversation or take yourself off if you can. It's hard especially if you work in close quarters

Original poster
user985230 · 06/10/2020 15:29

@Hardbackwriter

What's the job? Back when we were in the office I had to use headphones to drown out my constantly moaning colleague - now I just ignore her on teams!
Headphones would be great but can't as the job is in retail.
OP posts:
daisychain1620 · 06/10/2020 15:30

Hopefully you will be busy enough and gave enough customers that you'll not have to listen to them too much

SchrodingersImmigrant · 06/10/2020 15:31

Everyone in retail has absolutely a right to moan about last 6 months👀

Original poster
user985230 · 06/10/2020 15:32

@BlueJava

Perhaps they are not sure what to talk about as they haven't seen you for so long. It could also been that they are a little pissed off about you going in whilst off sick and not working whilst they are maxxed out (I don't know if you feel that could be true or not). Either way just maintain a positive attitude when you're back and don't become too involved in their complaints. My experience is if you are cracking through the work there is little time for chatter anyway.
I do think that they get pissed off about me coming in whilst off sick and its something I put off for as long as possible. Occupational health suggested that I should pop into work a few times before I returned to build my confidence so thats why I have been going in. It makes it harder because they don't know the full reason for my illness, they only know some of it but I just don't feel ready to tell them.
OP posts:
OverTheRubicon · 06/10/2020 15:32

You've been off for 6 months, all of which will have been exceptionally stressful for current staff.

It's great you are now well enough to make a return, but be kind to the others, who have been working through all this. That's especially true if you were off with MH issues - just because someone isn't off with stress or anxiety doesn't mean they're immune to it.

M0rT · 06/10/2020 15:33

I don't blame you for being apprehensive, when I worked in an office with one person like this I used to wait till she had taken her breaks before I took mine to minimise any time spent listening to her.
When I had to interact with her I would ask for what I wanted, nod and commiserate with her tale of woe while I planned what I was having for dinner that night, mentally going through the contents of my fridge, then eventually she would actually do her job give me what I needed and I'd skedaddle.
Practice nodding and looking attentive while thinking about something else. It's the only way not to end up shouting "Stop fucking whinging".
Good luck 🍀

Scaraffito · 06/10/2020 15:35

If you work in retail I can't imagine a scenario where you will constantly be with all 3 of them all day where they have the opportunity to moan. If it's in the staff room on break, take some headphones, the last 6 months probably have been particularly hideous at work for them.

Mammylamb · 06/10/2020 15:36

@OverTheRubicon. Why should she be extra sensitive if she was off with MH issues? Is that because you think she should have just womanned up and got on with it, and she’s been having a 6 month skive?

HaudYerWheeshtBawbag · 06/10/2020 15:38

You work in retail you won’t be with them for your full shift Confused colleagues are allowed to Moan especially when under staffed, poor managements and being in a pandemic.

HaudYerWheeshtBawbag · 06/10/2020 15:41

@Mammylamb! I don’t think that’s what over implied or insinuated Confused

Loads of people struggle with MH irregardless if they are at work or not, OP doesn’t trump those colleagues who have been working the past 6 months with little or no management support and also been short staffed.

ComeOnBabyPopMyBubble · 06/10/2020 15:44

[quote Mammylamb]@OverTheRubicon. Why should she be extra sensitive if she was off with MH issues? Is that because you think she should have just womanned up and got on with it, and she’s been having a 6 month skive?[/quote]
Because she'd know how it feels to be hanging by a thread and be mindful that the moaning could be a symptom that they're not coping vand might very well end up off on sick soon ? Or that they're using it as a cooing mechanism.

OverTheRubicon · 06/10/2020 15:58

[quote Mammylamb]@OverTheRubicon. Why should she be extra sensitive if she was off with MH issues? Is that because you think she should have just womanned up and got on with it, and she’s been having a 6 month skive?[/quote]
No, but because they're likely dealing with many of the same stresses that she did - but that she sees them as 'moaners' (just as you implied others - though not me, despite what you said - might see someone off sick as a 'skiver'). We all have different ways of coping with difficult situations, this may be theirs, and if the issue is stress or anxiety then she should be more sympathetic and not so dismissive.