If you escaped an abusive relationship....

[comeonvogue]

did you find it an absolute relief but also slightly strange to no longer have to walk on eggshells/be on edge/worry about decisions?

I still do it as it's now ingrained.

Then I went mad with the power for a spell.

Not really. I had lost all faith in my ability to "read" people, and after a few years of being told it was all my fault, I had no confidence in myself.

It took me years to get over it, and sometimes I wonder if I ever did.

It's not as simple as "I'm no longer in danger".

I was euphoric. I felt like I could breathe. With waves of absolute abject fear. It took a while to feel safe. It took longer to trust myself and other people.

But it was absolutely one of the best things I've ever done, escaping I mean.

In a way. That feeling should be normal, feeling safe, not worried, not anxious over a decision, feeling worthy and valued. Very occasionally, feeling normal felt odd and the realisation that actually should be minimal and norm.

I'm at a stage where I realise the 'normal' times within my relationship wasn't to be celebrated. That should have been the bare minimal.
In the future thats just not enough, I deserve to be with someone who wants to be with me, who sees me as worth the effort, who wabts me as much as I want them. That happiness isn't rare or a fairytale, but actually is an option and exists.

So my mentality has shifted from DV sufferer/victim, to survivor/thriving.

It's taken 2 years. I have kids with my ex so recently he's been in contact and it's still a bit sore (but that's a whole diff thread).
I really wish you well if your going through the stages of rehabilitating your life.

@aToadOnTheWhole

I was euphoric. I felt like I could breathe. With waves of absolute abject fear. It took a while to feel safe. It took longer to trust myself and other people.

But it was absolutely one of the best things I've ever done, escaping I mean.

@aToadOnTheWhole I can relate to this. The feeling of being able to breathe but like you it's taken me a while to trust other people again. One thing I did find is that I realised just how much of myself I had shut down over the years - I told people very little about my life, would steer conversations in a different direction if the subject turned to me and so on, nowadays I'm much more open!

I hated it for ages and didn't cope, I had a nervous breakdown because I was so used to everything having to be perfect and nothing ever being good enough that I put too high expectations on myself.

Once I got used to it being "ok" rather than perfect I coped though

I can best describe it as White Noise

Maybe I had idealised how it would be, but it really took a while to fully understand how ingrained my reactions were

@UtterlyDone

I hated it for ages and didn't cope, I had a nervous breakdown because I was so used to everything having to be perfect and nothing ever being good enough that I put too high expectations on myself.

Once I got used to it being "ok" rather than perfect I coped though

@UtterlyDone I'm glad things have improved for you

I went a bit mad because i wasnt used to the silence and not having to have everything perfect. I didnt know how to be still and just breathe. I still dont trust men and will not see a male professional without having someone with me. I always ask for females if possible. I dont think the fear will ever leave me.

Yes totally, im 12 years on and still do a bit, totally ingrained now

@Downinthedumps99

Yes totally, im 12 years on and still do a bit, totally ingrained now

I understand what you mean by ingrained though it's nice to remind myself that I don't need to be eggshell walking from time to time

I'm 1.5 years out of an abusive relationship. I still walk on eggshells around people. I flinch when people move to quickly. I have panic attacks when I see people in the same uniform as my ex. I have nightmares. I am very hypervigilant and still don't feel safe. I guess I still have that fear that he's going to turn up and kill me.